Unxibelelwano olusebenzayo kwiiNgxoxo ezinzima: Imigaqo emi-6 emayilandelwe

Ukuze sifikelele usukelo lwethu, kufuneka sinxibelelane kakuhle nabanye. Kodwa, endaweni yokubandakanyeka kwincoko enempilo kanye xa ibaluleke kakhulu, sihlala sikwindlela yethu yokuziphatha embi kakhulu. Sidlala imidlalo yobudenge kunye nexabiso eliphezulu - ukuxabana, ukuhlasela, ukukhohlisa, okanye ukwenza ezinye iindlela zokuzoyisa.

Iincoko ezinzima ngokwendalo zinenkohliso. Ziizihloko ezichukumisayo ekungekho mntu uthanda ukuthetha ngazo. Ziquka ukulungisa ukungqubana kwezimvo, imiba engokweemvakalelo, imibandela entununtunu, okanye ezinye izizathu ezinokubangela ingxabano—nantoni na esikufumanisa kunzima ukuthetha ngayo.

Zingumngeni kuba zifuna ukuba sihambe ngokungonwabi, ukungaqiniseki, kunye noluhlu olubanzi lweemvakalelo ezinzima.

Ukuqala incoko sisenzo sobukroti. Xa uqalisa incoko, ngokungenaloyiko ungena kwindawo ongayaziyo. Ngaba omnye umntu uza kusabela ngendlela efanelekileyo okanye engathandekiyo? Ngaba iya kuba kukutshintshiselana kobuhlobo okanye okuchasayo? Kukho imvakalelo yokuba semphethweni. Loo nanosecond yendawo kunye nokungazi inokwethusa. Ibonisa ukuba sesichengeni kwakho.

— Sakyong Mipham

Siyaziphepha iincoko ezinzima kuba kulula kakhulu ukuphepha iimeko ezidinwa ngokwengqondo nezidinayo ngokwasengqondweni kunokuba ungene kanye kuzo usazi.

Kodwa ukuyeka incoko enzima licebo elibi kuba:

• Imiba eshiywe ingalungiswanga iya iqatsela ngokuhamba kwexesha. Into ebikade iyingxaki elawulekayo ingakhula ibe ngumba omkhulu ukuba ayilungiswanga ngexesha.

• Ukuhlala uxhalabile malunga nemiba engasonjululwanga kunokuthatha umngcipheko kwimpilo yakho yengqondo kwaye kukhokelele kuxinzelelo olongezelelekileyo, ixhala, kunye neemvakalelo zokungabi nakuzinceda.

• Xa imibandela ebalulekileyo ingahoywa okanye itshayelwa phantsi kombhoxo, inokuphelisa ukuthembana, ukwakha ingqumbo, nokonakalisa ulwalamano.

Nokuba incoko inzima kangakanani na, awukwazi ukuyibekela ecaleni okanye ulibazise ngonaphakade. Ukujongana nemiba ngokuthe ngqo, ukunika ingcaciso, kunye nokufuna ukuvalwa kunokukunceda ufumane ukuthenjwa, kunye nentlonipho kwaye unciphise uxinzelelo.

Kodwa ukuze ukwazi ukuzisingatha kakuhle iincoko ezinzima, kufuneka ulandele uqheliselo oluhle lokunxibelelana. Nantsi imithetho emithandathu yonxibelelwano olusebenzayo kwincoko enzima:

Umthetho 1: Sukwenza Oko Okobuqu

Gcina ingxoxo malunga nokuziphatha okuthile; ungayenzi loo nto ngomntu. Umntu kwelinye icala lencoko unokuziva ukuba uyagweba kwimizuzu embalwa yokuqala ngokusekelwe kwithoni yakho kunye nolwimi lomzimba. Oku kubenza bavale umlomo-becinga ukuba akukho nto bayithethayo eya kutshintsha ingqondo yakho-okanye iguqule incoko ibe yingxabano-ukubonisa ukuba banyanisile kwaye awulunganga.

Injongo yakho asikokubenza bazive kakubi ngokuhlasela umlingiswa wabo okanye ukucela umngeni ukuba bangoobani-oko kubenzakalise i-ego yabo ebenza baxhathise nantoni na oyithethayo.

Umzekelo:

Endaweni yokuba: Uyalawula.

Yithi: *Xa uphazamisa abanye uze ungabavumeli bathethe, loo nto ibenza bacinge ukuba akuzikhathaleli iimbono zabo.

Endaweni yokuba: Ukrwada.

Yithi: Xa uthetha nabanye ngelizwi eliphakamileyo okanye ubonakalisa umsindo wakho, uphelelwa yintembelo nentlonelo.

Endaweni yokuba: Usisidenge.

Yithi: Ndiyaqonda ukuba ezinye izinto zinokuba nzima kuwe. Kodwa kuya kufuneka ubuze imibuzo okanye ufune ukucaciswa xa ungazifumani. Sixoxe ngale mfuno amatyeli amaninzi kwaye ngalo lonke ixesha ndiziva ngathi uyiqonde kakuhle, kodwa emva kweentsuku ezimbalwa sibuyela kwinqanaba lokuqala.

Ingxelo yokuqala iya kubeka omnye umntu ngokukhawuleza ekukhuseleni ngelixa eyesibini ibanika ithuba lokubandakanya incoko eyakhayo.

Intlonipho ifana nomoya. Okoko kusekho, akukho mntu ucinga ngako. Kodwa ukuba uyayisusa, yiyo yonke into abantu abanokucinga ngayo. Abantu abakhawulezayo babona ukungahloneli kwincoko, ukusebenzisana akusekho malunga nenjongo yokuqala-ngoku malunga nokukhusela isidima.

- URon McMillan

Umgaqo 2: Ziqhelanise noNxibelelwano olucacileyo noluNxibeleleyo

Yigcine imfutshane. Thetha into oza kuyithetha ngaphandle kokubetha etyholweni. Kufuneka ungqale ukuze ubancede baqonde inkxalabo yakho ngaphandle kokubatshonisa kulwazi olungeyomfuneko. Ngokwesiqhelo, umzekelo okanye emibini kufuneka yanele ukubanceda banxibelelane kwaye benze intsingiselo yegalelo lakho.

Umzekelo:

Imeko: Umphathi wakho uqhele ukufowuna ebusuku kakhulu nto leyo ephazamisa ixesha langokuhlwa nosapho lwakho.

Musa: Blabber ngayo okanye ulindele ukuba bafunde phakathi kwemigca ngaphandle kokuchaza inkxalabo yakho.

Yenza: Baxelele ukuba iminxeba yabo yasebusuku yenza kube nzima kuwe ukuba uchithe ixesha elisemgangathweni nosapho lwakho kwaye kutheni ufuna elo xesha lokuphumla ukwenza igalelo elinemveliso emsebenzini.

Imeko: Ilungu leqela lakho linomkhwa wokungahoyi izimvo kunye nezimvo zabanye.

Musa: Yabelana ngeengcebiso ngokubanzi malunga nokufuna iimbono ezahlukeneyo okanye ukukhuthaza ukuthatha inxaxheba kwabanye kwiingxoxo. Kunokwenzeka ukuba bangayihoyi.

Yenza: Yabelana ngemizekelo yeengxoxo zangaphambili okanye iintlanganiso apho bengawahoyanga amagalelo abanye. Babuze ukuba bangabandakanyeka njani na ukuya phambili.

Simo: Uphelelwe lithuba elihle ocinga ukuba belikufanele.

Musa: Khalisa kumphathi wakho ngesigqibo sakhe okanye ubonise ukucaphuka ngokungakufumani oko ubukufuna.

Yenza: Chaza ukuphoxeka kwakho, kodwa ubonise intlonelo ngesigqibo sabo. Zama ukuqonda into ongenayo kunye nendlela onokuzigubungela ngayo ezo zithuba ukuze ufumane amathuba anjalo kwixesha elizayo.

Ukuba ufuna ukubonakala uzithembile—thetha ngokucothayo, ngokuvakalayo, ngokucacileyo nangebom. Ukunxibelelana ngokucacileyo akuyi kukunceda nje ukwakha ukuzithemba ngakumbi kuwe, kodwa kuya kuvuselela intlonipho kwabanye.

- USusan C. Young

Umgaqo 3: Gxininisa kwiMpembelelo, kungekhona kwiimvakalelo

Chaza ifuthe lokuziphatha okuthile, isenzo, okanye ukungasebenzi. Ukuthetha malunga neempembelelo kubandakanya inxalenye yobuchopho eyenza abanye bafune izisombululo ngokukhutheleyo ngokuchasene nokwenza malunga neemvakalelo ezithintela amandla abo okucinga ngokucacileyo kwaye kwenza kube nzima kubo ukuyilungisa imeko.

Umzekelo:

• Ukuba umntu osebenza naye unomkhwa wokusebenzisa ulwimi olukhubekisayo emsebenzini, endaweni yokubonakalisa ukuzonda kwakho, baxelele ukuba iyichaphazela njani intsebenziswano yakho.

• Ukuba umphathi wakho uhlala erhoxisa intlanganiso yakho yomntu omnye, endaweni yokubonisa ukuphoxeka kwakho, chaza isizathu sokuba iingxoxo ezinjalo zithintele ukukhula kwakho.

• Ukuba ilungu leqela lizama ukuthatha ikhredithi kwiingcamango zakho, endaweni yokucaphuka, yenza kucace ukuba uya kuyeka ukwabelana nabo ngeengcamango zakho ukuba baqhubeka beziphatha ngolu hlobo.

Ukugxininisa kwimpembelelo akuthethi ukuba ungazihoyi iimvakalelo zakho okanye akufanele uzikhankanye konke konke. Nangona kunjalo, ukugcina ingqwalasela kwimpembelelo ngelixa ukongeza iimvakalelo kumxube ukukhokela incoko sisicwangciso esisebenzayo sokulawula imeko kunye nokubandakanya abanye ngenjongo yokufumana isisombululo esivumelanayo.

Umgaqo 4: Cacisa Injongo Yakho

Kwincoko enzima, amathuba okuba umntu atolike ngendlela engeyiyo injongo okanye injongo yakho aphezulu kakhulu. Yiyo loo nto kubalulekile ukuchaza injongo yakho ngokucacileyo. Ukwenza oku, sebenzisa intetho echaseneyo.

Isiteyitimenti esahlukileyo sisitetimenti so musa/ungenzi ukuba:

• Ulungisa iinkxalabo zabo okanye ukungaqondi malunga nenjongo yakho ( MUSA: Into ongayifuniyo).

• Cacisa injongo yakho yokwenyani (YENZA: Into oyenzayo).

Umzekelo:

[Musa] Andizami ukuthi umbono wakho awufanelekanga ukuxoxa. Ndicinga ukuba amanqaku amaninzi owaphakamisile axabiseke kakhulu.

[Yenza] Nangona kunjalo, ndifuna ukuqinisekisa ukuba siqwalasela ezinye iindlela ngaphambi kokuba senze isigqibo.

[Musa] Asikuko ukuba andiwuxabisi umsebenzi wakho okanye umzamo oye wawenza kwesi siphakamiso. Ndiyabona ukuba uphando lwakho lubanzi kwaye lugubungela zonke iinkalo eziphambili.

[Yenza] Nangona kunjalo, ndicinga ukuba kuya kuba luncedo ukuthatha utshintsho lwakutsha nje kwisicwangciso se-org kwaye siphinde sivavanye esi siphakamiso.

[Musa] Injongo yam kukungasoli mntu ngeempazamo ezenzeke ngeprojekthi yethu yokugqibela.

[Yenza] Injongo yam kukufunda kula mava ukubona ukuba singazinqanda njani iimpazamo ezinje ukuba zingenzeki kwakhona.

Injongo yenye yezona zinto zinamandla akhoyo. Into oyithethayo xa usenza into iya kuhlala ichaza isiphumo.

- Brenna Yovanoff

Umgaqo 5: Funa kuqala Ukuqonda, Emva koko Uqondwe

Ukuba ufuna abanye bayive imbono yakho, yenza ukuba bazive beviwe kwaye baqondwe kuqala. Sukuzama ukunyanzela iimbono zakho okanye ucingele injongo yazo. Banike ithuba lokwabelana ngendlela abayijonga ngayo imeko, ithini inkqubo yabo yokucinga, okanye yintoni ebenze ukuba benze ngendlela ethile.

Ukuphinda into onqwenela ukuyidlulisela kuya kukhokelela ekubuyiseleni umva. Abanye badla ngokukuphulaphula xa ubaphulaphula kuqala ngenjongo yokubaqonda nokubonisa intlonelo ngeembono zabo.

Ziqhelanise nokuphulaphula ngempumelelo:

1. Funa ingcaciso kwaye ubacele ukuba bathethe ngokubuza imibuzo evulelekileyo.

   • "Ndixelele Okuninzi..."

   • "Ndincede ndiqonde ..."

   • "Ndichazele ..."

   • "Ucinga ntoni ..."

   • "Ndingathanda ukuqonda apho uvela khona ..."

   • "Ngaba ungabelana ngakumbi malunga nendlela ozibona ngayo izinto ...?"

     
     

2. Dlulela ngaphaya kwamagama kunxibelelwano olungasebenzisi lizwi-ithowuni yelizwi, izimbo zomzimba, kunye nolwimi lomzimba.

   
   

3. Musa ukuphazamisa okanye uzikhusele ukuze uthumele umyalezo wakho. Yabelana ngento onqwenela ukuyidlulisela ngokuthetha xa begqibile.

   
   

4. Sukuzama ukujonga ukukhanya. Incoko ayithethi ngawe.

   
   

5. Yamkela iimvakalelo zabo kunye neembono zabo. Ukuvuma akuthethi ukuba uyavumelana nabo. Kuthetha nje ukuba uyayiqonda indlela abavakalelwa ngayo.

   
   

   • "Kule nto undixelele yona, ndiyaqonda ukuba uziva ukhululekile."

   • "Ndiyabona ukuba uya uxinezeleka kakhulu yilento."

   • "Ukuba ndikuqonda kakuhle, uyaphambana ngoku ...."

     
     

6. Xoxa ngezinto ezifanelekileyo kwincoko yangoku. Hlala endleleni. Kuphephe ukuphuma ngaphandle kwesihloko.

Hambisa ukusuka kwiSiqiniseko ukuya kuFundo. Inye kuphela indlela yokufikelela ekuqondeni ibali lomnye umntu, kwaye oko kukufuna ukwazi. Kunokuba uzibuze, “Banokuyicinga njani loo nto?!” zibuze, "Ndiyazibuza ukuba loluphi ulwazi abanalo endingenalo?" Endaweni yokubuza, "Banokuthini ukuba bengenangqiqo kangaka?" buza, “Banokulibona njani ihlabathi kangangokuba imbono yabo isengqiqweni?” Ukuqiniseka kusitshixa ngaphandle kwebali labo; umdla uyasivumela ukuba singene.

- Douglas Stone

Umthetho 6: Gcina Ukuzola Kwakho

Ukuba omnye umntu uyazikhusela okanye uvuthela izinto, musa ukuphendula ngokugqithisileyo kwabo. Zama ukubuyisela incoko endleleni ngokuzola, ukuchasana, ukubuza imibuzo, nokubonisa umdla wokuqonda iingcamango neemvakalelo zabo.

Kwanasemva kokuzama iindlela ezahlukeneyo zokwenza incoko ibe nemveliso, ukuba izinto zihlala zinjalo okanye ziba mbi ngakumbi, bacele ukuba bathabathe ikhefu baze bahlanganisane kwakhona ngexesha elahlukileyo.

Umzekelo, unokuthi:

• Kubonakala ngathi ufuna ixesha elingakumbi lokujonga le nto besiyixoxa. Ngaba singadibana kwakhona emva kokuba uye wafumana ithuba lokucinga ngayo?
• Ngaba kuya kuba luncedo ukuba ufumana ixesha lokucinga ngoko besikuxubushile? Singahlala sidibana kamva kwakhona.

Ukuba nomsindo kwabanye ngenxa yokusabela ngokugqithiseleyo okanye ukungayifaki inkcazelo ngendlela obulindele ngayo kuya kwenza izinto zibe mbi ngakumbi. Banike ixesha kunye nexesha lokujongana nezinto ezikuxhalabisayo.

Isishwankathelo

1. Iincoko ezinzima nangona ziyimfuneko kunzima ukuziqhekeza. Ukoyika isiphumo esibi okanye ukungazi ukuba mawuthini kunokukuthintela ekuzibandakanyeni kwincoko enentsingiselo kanye xa uyifuna kakhulu.

   
   

2. Xa zingasingathwanga, iingxabano ziba mbi ngakumbi. Okukhona uziphepha okanye uzibekel’ ecaleni iincoko ezinzima, kokukhona kuya kuba nzima ukuzilungisa kamva.

   
   

3. Xa uhlasela umlingiswa womntu okanye ugweba ngokuqatha malunga nokuba ungubani na, baya kusabela kakubi baze bazikhusele. Endaweni yohlaselo lomntu, jongana nokuziphatha okanye izenzo ezithile ezikukhathazayo.

   
   

4. Ulwazi oluninzi lwenza abanye bajonge kwaye luncinci kakhulu lubashiya bedidekile. Unxibelelwano oluhle lucacile, lufutshane, kwaye lungqale. Cwangcisa amagalelo akho ngendlela eyenza kube lula ukuyiqonda nokwenza.

   
   

5. Iimvakalelo ngelixa usempilweni ukuzivakalisa akufanele kube sisixhobo sakho kuphela. Ukuchaza impembelelo kubalulekile kuba kubandakanyeka inxalenye yokucinga yobuchopho eyimfuneko ukusombulula iingxaki kunye nokuvumelana ngezisombululo ezifanayo.

   
   

6. Injongo elungileyo kwincoko enzima ayanelanga, kufuneka uyiveze ngokucacileyo. Nje ukuba abanye balungelelaniswe nenjongo yakho, kulula ukuba nengxoxo enempilo kwaye ufune ukuvala.

   
   

7. Sicinga ukuba iingxoxo ezinzima zimalunga nokwabelana ngeembono zethu, ukuchaza izinto esizilindeleyo, kunye nokuvakalisa ukungoneliseki kwethu. Kodwa xa sithetha, silibala inkalo ebalulekileyo yonxibelelwano oluhle—ukuva iimbono zabanye nokuhlonela iimbono zabo.

   
   

8. Ekugqibeleni, ezinye iincoko ezinzima zinokujika zibe nogonyamelo okanye zibe ndlongondlongo. Ukuphulukana nokuzola ngezihlandlo ezinjalo kunokuyijika imeko embi ibe mbi ngakumbi. Yandisa ingxabano ngokucela abanye ukuba baqhagamshelane mva.

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