Expert AI Revealed To Be 1,000,000 If-Else Statements Stacked in a Trenchcoat

To the great shock of the people who had chatted with him at chess tournaments, expert system Eli F. was recently discovered to be a million if-else statements stacked on top of each other in a trenchcoat.

“At first, things were going along splendidly as usual — we were having a really fascinating discussion about a recent match,” says grandmaster Luke Kim of his final conversation with Eli. “But after I asked him about the weather, he sneezed and immediately collapsed into a pile of fabric on the ground. When I looked closer, I realized that the weird specks seeping out of the coat were the scattered remains of one giant cascading if statement.”

Kim pauses thoughtfully. “Honestly, I should have figured it out when Eli told me, ‘I’m sorry, I don’t understand’ for the 42nd time.”