Why I Hate DC “Consulting” Companies

Consulting comes in many forms. The version I want to rail against are the wannabe consultants. Those that pretend that the monotonous contract work their employees perform is consulting just because someone says it is.

By this I mean nearly every company in the DC metro area that claims to be in consulting.

This is personal — I have been fooled and I am pissed off. I want to share the lie I was told with you.

If I sound bitter, please understand it is because I am. I’m lashing out because I feel stupid for being so naive. My inadequacies are my own. I just want to complain. I don’t expect anything.

I got my first consulting job at 22. I assumed by consulting they meant three principal constructs.

First, I would be working on projects of finite, short duration. No matter how asinine the project or client, I could rest assured that the next project was only a few months away. I would not be left to rot on a boring project for an indefinite period of time.

Second, I would be working with a diverse array of clients, both in terms of industry and location. I imagined myself complaint-bragging on Facebook about another late night after catching the red-eye back from LA. I imagined that after a few months of demonstrating how much of a wonderful unique snowflake I was, those trips would be to Paris, Tokyo, and London

Finally, I believed that my projects would actually be consulting as opposed to implementation. I envisioned small teams interviewing clients, gathering and analyzing data, and recommending solutions.

I knew that as a junior consultant no client would care about my opinion, but they would pay good money to hear the findings of our team. In time I would eventually lead a team and give important briefings where my pocket square matched the color scheme of our deck

The first thing that should stand out from my naive viewpoint is the overwhelming emphasis on cache and style over substance. My assumption is that no job, especially the glamorous, are able to match reality with expectation.

But this wasn’t completely my fault. They intentionally misled applicants, creating an illusion of fast-paced, diverse consulting work.

For example, the company I joined strongly emphasized their commercial consulting experience. During orientation, they showed a film describing the (supposedly) hilarious pitfalls that encumbered a consultant who had to catch a last-minute flight to Switzerland to deliver an important briefing.

As you can imagine, I quickly envisioned myself packing up my things at the end of the day and hearing my phone ring. I’d be told to get to the airport immediately and catch the next flight out to some luxurious European city.

I would be told that this was an undue but necessary hardship, as I alone possessed the skills and expertise to deliver this critical briefing. I’d show my loyalty by taking a seat in coach to ensure I arrived at the meeting on time.

Now the hyperbole is my own but these jokers were laying it on pretty thick. Imagine my surprise when I learned that not only were there no flights to Europe, but reality was in fact the opposite of everything I expected.

First, projects were long. In fact, never-ending is the more accurate term. What I failed to realize was that as an employee I might desire short term projects so that work stays fresh, but the business itself wants steady revenue.

If a client is willing to pay for years of help, the business will gladly take that contract and try its best to keep winning extensions. Businesses want revenue to be predictable and boring. And go figure that the work itself becomes the same.

Second, there wasn’t any travel. Travel is an expense: either the client or the company has to pay for it. The business wants to continually improve profits. Decreasing or eliminating discretionary expenses is a great way to do that.

Finally, there was no actual “consulting” work occurring. Everyone worked as augmented staff of the client, performing business functions that the client was either unable or unwilling to staff themselves.

As you can imagine, these were generally back office functions, usually performed under the direction of a client project manager. This person was usually the most incompetent person employed by the client in the given area we were working (anyone else with talent or work ethic was too busy doing real work to “supervise” a bunch of contractors).

My request is simple. I would like DC consulting companies to start referring to themselves as what they are: contractors.

Say it with me: contractors. There, that wasn’t so bad was it?

Let’s think about contractors we all know, like landscape maintenance crews or tax accountants. Contractors can come in many forms and price points.

As is the case with contract software development, contractors can be extremely expensive.

The key distinction isn’t the hourly rate but the perceived work assignments. If I am working as a contractor, I expect to perform specific tasks for a client. I do not expect to be asked my opinion about the overall strategy and direction of the client’s organization.

This makes sense. You may have the best tax accountant in the world, but it’s unlikely you would ask her for nutrition or exercise advice. There is nothing wrong with contracting, but it is not for everyone.

For young, generalist workers, they may not want the specialization inherent with contracting work. If they are misinformed and believe they will be doing general consulting work when in fact they are headed for specific contracting assignments, there is a good chance they will become disillusioned.

I ask that for the sake of the next graduating class DC consulting companies represent themselves accurately. I think this will improve retention and employee morale. And help lower the pompousness of our city just a little bit.

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