Most people imagine Hollywood-style underground hacking scenes as mysterious figures in hoodies selling stolen data under flickering neon lights. The reality? It’s often way dumber, scarier, and more chaotic than realized. As someone who’s spent time digging through dark web marketplaces, forums, and Telegram groups, I’ve seen it all. Here’s what no one tells you. The Dark Web is 50% Scammers, 40% Amateurs, and 10% Real Threats Most cyber-criminals on dark web forums are just kids reselling stolen data they don’t understand. I once found a guy selling hacked PayPal accounts that were literally just usernames he Googled. Another person was giving away free pre-paid $100 Visa cards that had a zero balance. I have even seen someone ask for cooking recipes to impress his in-laws…because they didn’t know how to cook, and they invited them over. The Stupidest Requests Come from Regular People I want to hack my ex’s Instagram. Can you delete my parking tickets from the DMV database? I need someone to frame my boss for a crime. Normal people try to hire hackers for insanely dumb thing’s most of which aren’t even possible. I really can’t blame them for asking. It’s like when you go to your grandparents’ house to reset the router, and they believe you could hack the NSA. One such story is when someone asked for help finding true love. What is wrong with that you say? Well, they wanted help acquiring a database of windowed rich women. They planned on marrying a wealthy widow by doing what any “Romeo” would do. They would learn their hobbies, likes, fears and exploit their weakness. In return, they would share the acquired wealth from the victim with anyone who assisted them and just disappear. I am not sure which part is more intriguing. The potential romantic chemistry, or the person disappearing and no longer taking advantage of people. The Dark Web Has Customer Service (And It’s Hilarious) Cybercriminals run their operations like businesses. Some even have refund policies and 24/7 customer support. There are full-on Amazon-style reviews for stolen credit cards, hacking services, and hitman services. You heard me. The hitman-for-hire scams have been around for years, but most are fake services designed to scam desperate or gullible buyers. One of the most infamous examples was Besa Mafia, a dark web site that claimed to offer hitman services but was actually a honeypot and scam. A user on a dark web forum complained that the hitman they hired never showed up. The website’s support team responded: Customer: “I paid for a hit two weeks ago. Target is still alive. What’s the delay?” Dark Web Support: “Due to high demand, please allow 7-10 business days for your request to be processed.” The user continued to complain, and the admin eventually ghosted them because, of course, the whole thing was a scam. The Weirdest Thing I Ever Found? The dark web has entire sections dedicated to bizarre, useless, or outright stupid services. One such service is Dark web spellcasting services. Yes, it’s a thing, and they range from hilarious to downright creepy. Types of Spells for Sale on the Dark Web 1. Love Spells: Promises to make someone fall in love with the buyer or rekindle an old romance. Some sellers even offer obsession spells. (which sound more like stalking assistance). 2. Curse Removal & Protection: Advertised for people who believe there cursed and need to remove bad energy, hexes, or black magic. 3. Hexes & Curses: Claims to bring misfortune, sickness, or general chaos to an enemy. Some services claim to cause legal trouble or financial ruin. 4. Wealth & Success Spells: Allegedly designed to bring riches, gambling luck, or career advancement. Some promise Bitcoin fortune spells, which is ironic considering its’s the dark web. 5. Sell Your Soul Rituals: Some listings claim to facilitate demonic pacts in exchange for wealth, power, or even revenge. It’s probably just a gimmick, but there are enough takers to keep the market alive. 6. Dark Web Priests & Occult Services: Some claim to conduct rituals on a client’s behalf, ranging from summoning spirits to performing sacrificial rites (though these are likely scams). Are These Real or Just a Scam? While there are real practitioners of magic and occultism, most of these listings are just elaborate ways to take money (or Bitcoin) from gullible buyers. Many sellers use copy-paste rituals from old books or make up grand stories about ancient secret knowledge. Interesting but weird to say the least. The 10% I saved the worst for last. The 10% are the worst and best at their profession. They are silent, persistent and rich off the lives of the innocent. When TikTok saga made headlines about “Selling data”, it is nothing compared to what the 10% do on a daily basis. The 10% sell a variety data breaches ranging from any type of industry in and outside the United States. One particular breach that alarmed me most was deemed “The worst breach of 2024”. In April 2024, National Public Data (NPD), a background check and fraud prevention service, experienced a massive data breach. Hackers accessed approximately 2.9 billion records containing sensitive information, including Social Security numbers, affecting individuals in the U.S., UK, and Canada. This breach led to multiple lawsuits and ultimately resulted in NPD filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in October 2024. There are many markets that have the database for sale, and it can range depending on who is selling the data. The marketplace I am a member of isn’t really selling but giving access for 8 credits. What are credits you ask? Credits are earned by investing in the forum. If you post your favorite BBQ sauce, you get credits. If you post a data breach, you get credits. How do you like that? Your identity is mine if I post garbage to get credits. Lastly, one individual was selling access to “USA Gov Aerospace & Defense access for $500”. Access for $500 dollars seems like a steal to me. I was able to engage with the person to get more details and the further the conversation went, the worse it got. The overall conversation was “root” access to a government firewall and the individual still has access. This was due to an unpatched vulnerability. As stated at the beginning of this article, the 10% work very quickly and are serious. When everyone is worried about what social media platforms is stealing your data, the 10% is selling the world in the most disturbing way. The best defense isn’t paranoia its understanding how these ecosystems really work. The dark web isn’t just a shadowy underworld of crime it’s an evolving marketplace, a testing ground for new exploits, and a reflection of the weaknesses in our security models. Fear won’t protect you, but knowledge will. By studying these ecosystems, we expose their mechanics, anticipate threats, and build defenses that actually work. The truth is, the dark web isn’t some mythical place it’s a system, and like any system, it can be understood, disrupted, and defended against. Stay informed, stay prepared, and most importantly, stay one step ahead. Most people imagine Hollywood-style underground hacking scenes as mysterious figures in hoodies selling stolen data under flickering neon lights. The reality? It’s often way dumber, scarier, and more chaotic than realized. As someone who’s spent time digging through dark web marketplaces, forums, and Telegram groups, I’ve seen it all. Here’s what no one tells you. The Dark Web is 50% Scammers, 40% Amateurs, and 10% Real Threats Most cyber-criminals on dark web forums are just kids reselling stolen data they don’t understand. I once found a guy selling hacked PayPal accounts that were literally just usernames he Googled. Another person was giving away free pre-paid $100 Visa cards that had a zero balance. I have even seen someone ask for cooking recipes to impress his in-laws…because they didn’t know how to cook, and they invited them over. The Stupidest Requests Come from Regular People I want to hack my ex’s Instagram. Can you delete my parking tickets from the DMV database? I need someone to frame my boss for a crime. Normal people try to hire hackers for insanely dumb thing’s most of which aren’t even possible. I really can’t blame them for asking. It’s like when you go to your grandparents’ house to reset the router, and they believe you could hack the NSA. One such story is when someone asked for help finding true love. What is wrong with that you say? Well, they wanted help acquiring a database of windowed rich women. They planned on marrying a wealthy widow by doing what any “Romeo” would do. They would learn their hobbies, likes, fears and exploit their weakness. In return, they would share the acquired wealth from the victim with anyone who assisted them and just disappear. I am not sure which part is more intriguing. The potential romantic chemistry, or the person disappearing and no longer taking advantage of people. The Dark Web Has Customer Service (And It’s Hilarious) Cybercriminals run their operations like businesses. Some even have refund policies and 24/7 customer support. There are full-on Amazon-style reviews for stolen credit cards, hacking services, and hitman services. You heard me. The hitman-for-hire scams have been around for years, but most are fake services designed to scam desperate or gullible buyers. One of the most infamous examples was Besa Mafia, a dark web site that claimed to offer hitman services but was actually a honeypot and scam. A user on a dark web forum complained that the hitman they hired never showed up. The website’s support team responded: The website’s support team responded: Customer: “I paid for a hit two weeks ago. Target is still alive. What’s the delay?” Customer: Dark Web Support: “Due to high demand, please allow 7-10 business days for your request to be processed.” Dark Web Support: The user continued to complain, and the admin eventually ghosted them because, of course, the whole thing was a scam. The Weirdest Thing I Ever Found? The dark web has entire sections dedicated to bizarre, useless, or outright stupid services. One such service is Dark web spellcasting services. Yes, it’s a thing, and they range from hilarious to downright creepy. Types of Spells for Sale on the Dark Web Types of Spells for Sale on the Dark Web 1. Love Spells: Promises to make someone fall in love with the buyer or rekindle an old romance. Some sellers even offer obsession spells. (which sound more like stalking assistance). 2. Curse Removal & Protection: Advertised for people who believe there cursed and need to remove bad energy, hexes, or black magic. 3. Hexes & Curses: Claims to bring misfortune, sickness, or general chaos to an enemy. Some services claim to cause legal trouble or financial ruin. 4. Wealth & Success Spells: Allegedly designed to bring riches, gambling luck, or career advancement. Some promise Bitcoin fortune spells, which is ironic considering its’s the dark web. 5. Sell Your Soul Rituals: Some listings claim to facilitate demonic pacts in exchange for wealth, power, or even revenge. It’s probably just a gimmick, but there are enough takers to keep the market alive. 6. Dark Web Priests & Occult Services: Some claim to conduct rituals on a client’s behalf, ranging from summoning spirits to performing sacrificial rites (though these are likely scams). Are These Real or Just a Scam? While there are real practitioners of magic and occultism, most of these listings are just elaborate ways to take money (or Bitcoin) from gullible buyers. Many sellers use copy-paste rituals from old books or make up grand stories about ancient secret knowledge. Interesting but weird to say the least. The 10% I saved the worst for last. The 10% are the worst and best at their profession. They are silent, persistent and rich off the lives of the innocent. When TikTok saga made headlines about “Selling data”, it is nothing compared to what the 10% do on a daily basis. The 10% sell a variety data breaches ranging from any type of industry in and outside the United States. One particular breach that alarmed me most was deemed “The worst breach of 2024”. In April 2024, National Public Data (NPD), a background check and fraud prevention service, experienced a massive data breach. Hackers accessed approximately 2.9 billion records containing sensitive information, including Social Security numbers, affecting individuals in the U.S., UK, and Canada. This breach led to multiple lawsuits and ultimately resulted in NPD filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in October 2024. There are many markets that have the database for sale, and it can range depending on who is selling the data. The marketplace I am a member of isn’t really selling but giving access for 8 credits. What are credits you ask? Credits are earned by investing in the forum. If you post your favorite BBQ sauce, you get credits. If you post a data breach, you get credits. How do you like that? Your identity is mine if I post garbage to get credits. Lastly, one individual was selling access to “USA Gov Aerospace & Defense access for $500”. Access for $500 dollars seems like a steal to me. I was able to engage with the person to get more details and the further the conversation went, the worse it got. The overall conversation was “root” access to a government firewall and the individual still has access. This was due to an unpatched vulnerability. As stated at the beginning of this article, the 10% work very quickly and are serious. When everyone is worried about what social media platforms is stealing your data, the 10% is selling the world in the most disturbing way. The best defense isn’t paranoia its understanding how these ecosystems really work. The dark web isn’t just a shadowy underworld of crime it’s an evolving marketplace, a testing ground for new exploits, and a reflection of the weaknesses in our security models. Fear won’t protect you, but knowledge will. By studying these ecosystems, we expose their mechanics, anticipate threats, and build defenses that actually work. The truth is, the dark web isn’t some mythical place it’s a system, and like any system, it can be understood, disrupted, and defended against. Stay informed, stay prepared, and most importantly, stay one step ahead.

Ticked Off: A Dark Web Researcher's Perspective on TikTok's Controversy

The Stupidest Requests on the Dark Web Come from Regular People

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