Recipe for Yet Another Training Webinar Thing for Coaches

1. Open with some sort of schticky coaching thing like play kum-bah-yah music or do a guided meditation or lead some corny activity to make sure everyone knows you drink the Kool-Aid.

2. Congratulate yourself for 10–15 minutes for being the most successful coach in the universe ever under the guise of sharing a little bit about about your story. (Note: It’s perfectly acceptable if your story sounds just like all of your colleagues’ stories. Nobody will say anything to your face.)

3. Brag incessently about how you’ve duped (ahem, I mean attracted) a bunch of “high-end” clients to pay you the big bucks because you’re better than everyone listening at “manifesting” what you want. This MUST include the numbers of figures in your income to make the listeners feel adequately bad about themselves.

4. Preamble for another 20 minutes or so of what content you promise to share eventually and then let everyone know that this is going to be a 90 minute call even though you have no intention to tell the listeners what they are tuning into hear until the 89th minute…and then only share your success secrets if they agree to give you $497 or $997. (Yes, the price HAS to end in the digits 97 because the coaching gods say so. Don’t question it.)

5. Incorporate ample analogies, acronyms, and alliteration.

6. Reference Napoleon Hill, Tony Robbins, Steve Jobs, or other rich white dudes to make it seem like you read a lot. Be sure to also quote Oprah just to be inclusive.

7. Proceed to share the same schtick everyone else does about how it’s all about your mindset and if we just listen to YOU and pay you gajillion of dollars, then — and only then — can we be as rich and hot and happy and perfect as you.

Note :: This recipe for coaches can be substituted with any other entrepreneurial venture, like social media experts or get-rich-quick gurus. The recipe is the same for hucksters everywhere.

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