Modernized and altered with a view to remove obscurity and ambiguity

How to Write Clearly: Rules and Exercises on English Composition by Edwin Abbott Abbott, is part of the HackerNoon Books Series. You can jump to any chapter in this book here. CLEARNESS.

CLEARNESS.

The following exercises consist of extracts from Burnet, Butler, and Clarendon, modernized and altered with a view to remove obscurity and ambiguity. The modernized version will necessarily be inferior to the original in unity of style, and in some other respects. The charm of the author's individuality, and the pleasant ring of the old-fashioned English, are lost. It is highly necessary that the student should recognize this, and should bear in mind that the sole object is to show how the meaning in each case might have been more clearly expressed.

Occasionally expressions have been altered, not as being in themselves obscure or objectionable, but as indicating a habit of which beginners should beware. For example, in the extract from Burnet, he is often altered, not because, in the particular context, the pronoun presents any obscurity, but because Burnet's habit of repeating he is faulty.

These exercises can be used in two ways. The pupil may either have his book open and be questioned on the reasons for each alteration, or, after studying the two versions, he may have the original version dictated to him, and then he may reproduce the parallel version, or something like it, on paper.

LORD CLARENDON.

The principal faults in this style are, long heterogeneous sentences (43), use of phrases for words (47 a), ambiguous use of pronouns (5), excessive separation of words grammatically connected together (19).

ORIGINAL VERSION. PARALLEL VERSION.

(44) It will not be impertinent And now, in order to explain, as nor unnatural to this (50) far as possible, how so prodigious present discourse, to set down an alteration could take place in in this place the present temper so short a time, and how the[19] and constitution of both Houses royal power could fall so low as of Parliament, and (34) of the to be unable to support itself, court itself, (30) that (5) it its dignity, or its faithful may be the less wondered at, that servants, it will be of use to set so prodigious an alteration should down here, where it comes most be made in so short a time, and naturally, some account of the[20] (37) the crown fallen so low, that present temper and composition, it could neither support itself not only of both Houses of nor its own majesty, nor those Parliament, but also of the court who would (47 a) appear itself. faithful to it.

* * * * * * * * * *

(Here follows a description of the House of Lords.)

In the House of Commons were many In the House of Commons persons of wisdom and gravity, who there were many men of wisdom (7) being possessed of great and and judgment whose high plentiful fortunes, though they position and great wealth disposed were undevoted enough to the them, in spite of their indifference court, (19) had all imaginable to the court, to feel duty for the king, and affection a most loyal respect for the to the government established(47 king, and a great affection for a) by law or ancient custom; the ancient constitutional (43) and without doubt, the major government of the country. Indeed, part of that (54) body it cannot be doubted that consisted of men who had no mind the majority had no intention to to break the peace of the kingdom, break the peace of the kingdom or to make any considerable or to make any considerable alteration in the government of alteration in Church or State. Church or State: (43) and Consequently, from the very therefore (18) all inventions outset, it was necessary to resort were set on foot from the (15) to every conceivable device beginning to work upon (5) for the purpose of perverting them, and (11) corrupt (5) this honest majority into rebellion. them, (43) (45) by suggestions "of the dangers (8) which With some, the appeal was threatened all that was precious addressed to their patriotism. to the subject (19) in their They were warned "of the liberty and their property, by dangers that threatened [all overthrowing (47 a) or that was precious in] the liberty overmastering the law, and (47 and property of the subject, a) subjecting it to an if the laws were to be made arbitrary (47_a_) power, and by subservient to despotism, and countenancing Popery to the if Popery was to be encouraged subversion of the Protestant to the subversion of the Protestant religion," and then, by religion." infusing terrible apprehensions into some, and so working upon The fears of others were appealed their fears, (6 b) "of (11 a) to. "There was danger," so[21] it being called in question for was said, "that they might be somewhat they had done," by which called to account for something (5) they would stand in need of they had done, and they would then (5) their protection; and (43) stand in need of the help of those (45) raising the hopes of others, who were now giving them this "that, by concurring (47 a) timely warning." In others, hopes with (5) them (5) they were excited, and offices, should be sure to obtain offices honours, and preferments were held and honours and any kind of out as the reward of adhesion. preferment." Though there were too Too many were led away by one or many corrupted and misled by these other of these temptations, and several temptations, and (19) indeed some needed no other others (40 a) who needed no temptation than their innate other temptations than from the fierceness and barbarity and the fierceness and barbarity of malice they had contracted against their (47 a) own natures, and the Church and the court. But the the malice they had contracted leaders of the conspiracy were not against the Church and against the many. The flock was large and court; (43) yet the number was not submissive, but the shepherds were great of those in whom the very few. government of the rest (47 a) was vested, nor were there many who had the absolute authority (13) to lead, though there were a multitude (13) that was disposed to follow.

(44) (30) Mr. Pym was looked upon Of these, Mr. Pym was thought as the man of greatest experience superior to all the rest in in parliaments, where he had parliamentary experience. To this (50) served very long, and was advantage he added habits of always (50) a man of business, business acquired from his (7) being an officer in the continuous service in the Exchequer, (43) and of a good Exchequer. He had also a good reputation generally, (30) though reputation generally; for, though known to be inclined to the known to be inclined to the Puritan party; yet not of those Puritan party, yet he was not so furious resolutions against the fanatically set against the Church Church as the other leading men as the other leaders. In this were, and (44) wholly devoted to respect he resembled the Earl of the Earl of Bedford, who had Bedford, to whom he was nothing of that spirit. thoroughly devoted.

(Here follow descriptions of Hampden and Saint John.)

It was generally believed that These three persons, with the these three persons, with the three peers mentioned before, were other three lords mentioned united in the closest confidence, before, were of the most intimate and formed the mainspring of the and entire trust with each other, party. Such at least was the and made the engine which (47 general belief. But it was clear a) moved all the rest; (30) that they also admitted to their yet it was visible, that (15) unreserved confidence two others, Nathaniel Fiennes, the second son (45) whom I will now of the Lord Say, and Sir Harry describe,—Nathaniel Fiennes, Vane, eldest son to the Secretary, second son of Lord Say, and Sir and Treasurer of the House, were Harry Vane, eldest son of the received by them with full Secretary, and Treasurer of the confidence and without reserve. House.

The former, being a man of good Nathaniel Fiennes, a man of good
parts of learning, and after some parts, was educated at New
years spent in New College in College, Oxford, where[22] his
Oxford, (43) of which his father family claimed and enjoyed some
had been formerly fellow, (43) privileges in virtue of their
that family pretending[23] and kindred to the founder, and
enjoying many privileges there, as where[22] his father had formerly
of kin to the founder, (43) (19) been a fellow. He afterwards spent
had spent his time abroad in some time in Geneva and in the
Geneva and amongst the cantons of cantons of Switzerland, where[22]
Switzerland, (30) where he he increased that natural
improved his disinclination to the antipathy to the Church which he
Church, with which milk he had had imbibed almost with his
been nursed. From his travels he mother's milk.[24] By a singular
returned through Scotland (52) coincidence, he came home through
(which[24] few travellers took in Scotland (not a very common route
their way home) at the time when for returning travellers) just
(5)thatrebellion was in bud: when the Scotch rebellion was in
(30) (43) (44) and was very little bud. For some time he was scarcely
known, except amongst (5)thatknown beyond the narrow and
people,which conversed (47 a) exclusive circle of his sect,
wholly amongst themselves,until until at last he appeared in
he was now (15)found in Parliament. Then, indeed, it was
Parliament, (30) (43) (44) when quickly discovered that he was
it was quickly discovered that, likely to fulfil even the fond
as he was the darling of his hopes of his father and the high
father, so (5)hewas like to promise of many years.
make good whatsoeverhehad
for many years promised.

(5) The other, Sir H. Vane, was Fiennes' coadjutor, Sir H. Vane, a man of great natural parts[25] was a man of great natural (45) and of very profound ability.[25] Quick in understanding dissimulation, of a quick and impenetrable in dissembling, conception, and of very ready, he could also speak with sharp, and weighty expression. He promptness, point, and weight. His had an (50) unusual aspect, which, singular appearance, though it though it might naturally proceed might naturally proceed from his from his father and mother, parents, who were not noted for neither of which were beautiful their beauty, yet impressed men persons, yet (19) made men think with the belief that he had in him there was somewhat in him of something extraordinary, an extraordinary: and (52) his whole impression that was confirmed by life made good that imagination. the whole of his life. His Within a very short time after he behaviour at Oxford, where he returned from his studies in studied at Magdalen College, was Magdalen College in Oxford, where, not characterized, in spite of the (43) though he was under the care supervision of a very worthy of a very worthy tutor, he lived tutor, by a severe morality. Soon not with great exactness, (43) he after leaving Oxford he spent some spent some little time in France, little time in France, and more in and more in Geneva, and, (43) Geneva. After returning to after his return into England, England, he conceived an intense (38) contracted a full prejudice hatred not only against the and bitterness against the Church, government of the Church, which both against the form of the was disliked by many, but also government and the Liturgy, (43) against the Liturgy, which was which was generally in great held in great and general reverence, (15 a) even with reverence. many of those who were not friends to (5) the other. In Incurring or seeming to incur, by his giddiness, which then much his giddiness, the displeasure of displeased, or seemed to his father, who at that time, displease, (30) (43) his father, beside strictly conforming to the who still appeared highly Church himself, was very bitter conformable, and exceedingly sharp against Nonconformists, the young against those who were not, Vane left his home for New (5) he transported himself into England. New England, (43) a colony within few years before planted by a This colony had been planted a few mixture of all religions,[26] which years before by men of all sorts of disposed the professors to dislike religions, and their the government of the Church; who differences[26] disposed them to (30) (43) (44) were qualified by dislike the government of the the king's charter to choose their Church. Now, it happened that their own government and governors, privilege (accorded by the king's under the obligation, "that every charter) of choosing their own man should take the oaths of government and governors was allegiance and supremacy;" (30) subject to this obligation, "that (43) (5) which all the first every man should take the oaths of planters did, when they received allegiance and supremacy." These their charter, before they oaths had been taken, not only by transported themselves from hence, all the original planters, on nor was there in many years after receiving their charter, before the least scruple amongst them of leaving England, but also for many complying with those obligations: years afterwards, without exciting so far men were, in the infancy the slightest scruple. Indeed, (15) of their schism, from scruples against lawful oaths were refusing to take lawful oaths. unknown[27] in the infancy of the (45) He was no sooner landed English schism. But with the there, but his parts made him arrival of Vane all this was quickly taken notice of, (26) and changed. No sooner had he landed very probably his quality, being than his ability, and perhaps to the eldest son of a some extent his position, as eldest Privy-councillor, might give him son of a Privy-councillor, some advantage; insomuch (51) recommended him to notice: and at that, when the next season came the next election he was chosen for the election of their Governor. magistrates, he was chosen their governor: (30) (45) (43) in which In his new post, his restless and place he had so ill fortune (26) unquiet imagination found (his working and unquiet fancy opportunity for creating and raising and infusing a thousand diffusing a thousand conscientious scruples of conscience, which (5) scruples that had not been brought they had not brought over with over, or ever even heard of, by the them, nor heard of before) (19) colonists. His government proved a that he unsatisfied with failure: and, mutually them and they with him, dissatisfied, (45) governed and he retransported himself governor parted. Vane returned into England; (30) (43) (44) to England, but not till he had having sowed such seed of accomplished his mischievous task, dissension there, as grew up too not till he had sown the seeds of prosperously, and miserably those miserable dissensions which divided the poor colony into afterwards grew only too several factions, and divisions prosperously, till they split the and persecutions of each (15 a) wretched colony into distinct, other, (30) (43) which still hostile, and mutually persecuting continue to the great (54) factions. His handiwork still prejudice of that plantation: remains, and it is owing to (15) insomuch as some of (5) them, him that some of the colonists, upon the ground of their first on the pretext of liberty of expedition, liberty of conscience, conscience, the original cause of have withdrawn themselves from (5) their emigration, have withdrawn their jurisdiction, and obtained themselves from the old colonial other charters from the king, by jurisdiction and have obtained which, (30) (43) in other forms of fresh charters from the king. government, they have enlarged These men have established new their plantations, within new forms of government, unduly limits adjacent to (5) (15 a) enlarged their boundaries, and set the other.their plantations, up rival settlements on the within new limits adjacent to (5) borders of the original colony. (15 a) the other.

FOOTNOTES:

[19] The original metaphor uses the crown as a prop, which seems a confusion. Though the metaphor is so common as scarcely to be regarded as a metaphor, it is better to avoid the appearance of confusion.

[20] We sometimes say, briefly but not perhaps idiomatically, "the then sovereign," "the then temper," &c.

[21] The personality of the tempters and organizers of the conspiracy is purposely kept in the background.

[22] The relative is retained in the first two cases, because it conveys the reason why Fiennes was educated at New College; and in the third case, because the increased "antipathy" is regarded as the natural consequence of the residence in Calvinistic Geneva.

[23] Claiming.

[24] An insinuation of sedition seems intended.

[25] This sentence is a preliminary summary of what follows.

[26] If "which" is used here according to Rule (8), the meaning is, (a) "and their differences;" if it is used for "that," the meaning will be, (b) "all religions that were of a nature to dispose &c." I believe (a) is the meaning; but I have found difference of opinion on the question.

[27] The following words appear to be emphatic, bringing out the difference between the infancy and the development of schism.

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