Facing down my fear.
And so, just like that, I quit my job. Who knew something that I had built up in my mind to be so enormous would ultimately be easy to do. Just one conversation, a letter, and that’s it.
The interesting thing is that I didn’t even know I was going to resign. I was on the train travelling into work, after a glorious skiing holiday with my family. I had a realisation. I didn’t want to feel like this anymore. Complete and utter dread and anxiety as I travelled to work. The anticipation of the bullshit politics and small-minded attitude that is so common in the workplace. The long commute that eats away at your soul. The sadness that I felt when I left my kids Sunday night, and realised that I would not really seeing them until the end of the week. The constant feeling of always running late, never being on top of things and never present enough to enjoy the little time that I did have to myself.
And so, I went into work, rang my boss and it was done. In three months time I will be a free agent to pursue the entrepreneurial projects that I feel passionate about, on the terms that I can and want to work to.
I am convinced there is another way for people to work, which is more people centred, more family focussed, more collaborative, more inspirational and with purpose. I believe this for everyone, and especially for women with kids. Traditional workplaces don’t value the contribution to work that giving people space to pursue their personal passions can have. In my case, this is my family. I want to see if I can create this type of work environment.
So, for the first time in a long time I have faced down fear. It is an incredibly powerful experience. For the first 24 hours after doing it, I felt invincible. It was as if every door to anything I was interested in was available to me again (and I believe it is).
It makes me wonder what other things I am afraid of that I could go and face (and conquer)? What this space! :)
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