Evolution of Your Dying, Recently-Acquired Startup

Move fast and break things.

Move fast and ship an incomplete, untested, partially broken thing.

Move fast and ship hot fixes for said thing.

Move front-end to React and break everything.

Move into cruise-control as acquisition approved, sign things.

Move into new office and break things.

Move fast and break one part of a monolithic thing.

Move fastish and break a few lesser important things.

Move into a ‘more strategic role’ and use the wheely whiteboard thing.

Move to cash out your option things.

Move into a new house and hire movers who break things.

Move through 30 rounds of approval to kick-off a project to investigate whether this may or may not break anything.

Move fast and unbreak a thing that never really worked but we put on the website anyway.

Move your four monitors into a new configuration and break nothing.

Move teams as part of a corporate reshuffle thing.

Move this discussion offline and take a break from this thing.

Move up the ladder and pick up a ridiculous compensation package with generous 401k matching, healthcare and an employee stock purchase plan thing.

Move at a similar speed and direction to the competitors and almost break into mild sweat about this thing.

Move to a teleconferencing suite because apparently that’s a thing.

Move nothing and still somehow break into a new job title and tax-bracket thing.

Constant fucking meetings and no break for anything.

Just want to motherfucking break something.

Move behind the competition. Is taking a break a thing?

Still no movement on what to break. Can’t we just do something?

Moved to tears. Try not to be broken by this thing.