We have the habit of throwing around words recklessly often using phrases that make us sound less confident, unsure and weak. The words we choose to communicate impacts how others perceive us—do they find us manipulative or genuine, rude or kind, aggressive or assertive and credible or untrustworthy? How you come across to others makes a big difference in the outcomes you achieve: People may not take your ideas seriously if they sense doubt and hesitation in your voice. People may not take your ideas seriously if they sense doubt and hesitation in your voice. You may be passed up for opportunities if your words demonstrate you aren’t ready to take on more responsibilities. You may be passed up for opportunities if your words demonstrate you aren’t ready to take on more responsibilities. Others may question your expertise when you invite unnecessary debate. Others may question your expertise when you invite unnecessary debate. Even small changes in your phrasing can significantly impact how others respond to you. Your communication style is habitual and the more you speak a certain way, the more automatic it becomes. These unintentional patterns that distort your messaging turn autopilot when you don’t pay attention to your words or how you come across to others. Words matter. Words shape worldviews. Words provoke action and reaction, which in turn provoke more words. Getting the words right is critically important. Getting the action right is also critically important. And aligning the words and actions is even more important.
— Helio Fred Garcia Words matter. Words shape worldviews. Words provoke action and reaction, which in turn provoke more words. Getting the words right is critically important. Getting the action right is also critically important. And aligning the words and actions is even more important. — Helio Fred Garcia Avoid these language patterns that make you sound uncertain, passive and weak and replace it with stronger communication: Uncertainty and doubt When sharing an idea, stating your opinion or disagreeing with someone, using language that makes you sound unsure reduces credibility, making others dismiss, ignore and downplay your suggestions. I think we should go with this plan. I think we should go with this plan. Maybe this will work. Maybe this will work. I feel like this might be a good idea. I feel like this might be a good idea. I’m not sure, but I think this strategy might work. I’m not sure, but I think this strategy might work. Words like these reflect lack of confidence, not humility. How can others take you seriously or give weightage to your words when you yourself don’t seem to believe in them completely? Project confidence in your ideas and opinions by explaining the rationale behind your thought process instead of doubt and hesitance with words like “think,” “feel,” and “maybe.” Say this: We should go with this plan because… We should go with this plan because… I recommend this approach because… I recommend this approach because… This is a strong idea because… This is a strong idea because… This strategy will work because… This strategy will work because… He who wants to persuade should put his trust not in the right argument, but in the right word.
― Robert B. Cialdini He who wants to persuade should put his trust not in the right argument, but in the right word. ― Robert B. Cialdini When setting expectations, making a request or expressing your ideas in meetings, if you want to ensure your request is prioritized, acted on timely or your ideas come across as well-thought out, thereby increasing buy-in, be more convincing and compelling in the language you use. Over-apologizing Apologizing at work is necessary in certain situations. But what if instead of saying sorry when it’s needed, you say it way too often. Saying sorry may seem polite, but apologizing even when it’s not required can hurt your image and credibility—you may come across as defensive, submissive or someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing. Saying sorry isn’t about being kind to others or not having an ego, both of which are important qualities to have at work, it stems from a place of insecurity or your desire to be liked and accepted by others. Also, acting as a victim or using words that put you down will not make others go easy on you. Rather, using self-deprecating language has quite the opposite effect. acting as a victim acting as a victim Sorry to bother you, but… Sorry to bother you, but… I feel terrible asking you for this… I feel terrible asking you for this… Sorry for not responding sooner… Sorry for not responding sooner… My bad. I’m a fool for not seeing it sooner. My bad. I’m a fool for not seeing it sooner. Forgive me please. I feel terrible for missing you in the invite. Forgive me please. I feel terrible for missing you in the invite. Words like these create a perception that you’re imposing, insecure and overly deferential. Putting yourself in a bad light will not help you score brownie points or make others sympathize with you. Rather, it paints a picture that makes you look undeserving, incompetent and timid. Say this: Do you have a moment to discuss something? Do you have a moment to discuss something? I’d like to ask about… I’d like to ask about… I was busy earlier. But I am now free to discuss… I was busy earlier. But I am now free to discuss… I learnt a very important lesson by not attending to the problem at the right time… I learnt a very important lesson by not attending to the problem at the right time… I acknowledge that I need to be more careful when sending invites… I acknowledge that I need to be more careful when sending invites… Having a low opinion of yourself is not ‘modesty.’ It’s self-destruction. Holding your uniqueness in high regard is not ‘egotism.’ It’s a necessary precondition to happiness and success.
— Bobbe Sommer Having a low opinion of yourself is not ‘modesty.’ It’s self-destruction. Holding your uniqueness in high regard is not ‘egotism.’ It’s a necessary precondition to happiness and success. — Bobbe Sommer If you want to get others time, attention, trust and respect, avoid weak communication by being assertive in your language without being rude. Tentative and non-committal People who are respected at work aren’t the ones who make commitments, but those who keep them. Using tentative language when making commitments shows a casual attitude without thoughtful consideration, causing inconvenience and annoyance to those who depend on them. I’ll try to get that done. I’ll try to get that done. Hopefully, we can finish on time. Hopefully, we can finish on time. I’ll try to make time for that, but I’m really busy. I’ll try to make time for that, but I’m really busy. Tentative phrasing in communication leaves room for overcommitment, making you seem unreliable, lacking authority or someone who can’t be trusted to lead important assignments at work. Say this: I will get that done. I will get that done. We will finish on time. We will finish on time. I won’t be able to take this on right now, but I can revisit it next week. I won’t be able to take this on right now, but I can revisit it next week. There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstances permit. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.
— Art Turock There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstances permit. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results. — Art Turock Demonstrating confidence and decisiveness in language requires being careful about the choices—it’s knowing that doing something always comes at the cost of not doing something else. Carefully evaluate your priorities and then communicate them in a way that leaves no room for confusion, expectation mismatch or misunderstandings. Minimizing language Using minimizing language that downplays the significance, impact and importance of your words can make you less confrontational, avoid criticism and save you from appearing arrogant. But, it isn’t harmless—using qualifiers, softeners and disclaimers can make your contributions seem less valuable and credible. This is just a small idea, but… This is just a small idea, but… I only have a quick suggestion… I only have a quick suggestion… This is probably not important, but… This is probably not important, but… This is kind of silly, but… This is kind of silly, but… Words like just, only, sort of and kind of, make it hard for others to take your questions or suggestions seriously or give them the respect they deserve. Your ideas that could have made a tremendous impact in the decision-making process are dismissed, rejected and ignored. just, only, sort of kind of, Say this: I have an idea that could help. I have an idea that could help. Here’s a suggestion to consider. Here’s a suggestion to consider. This is important because… This is important because… I believe that… I believe that… True assertiveness isn’t about speaking the loudest—it’s about standing firmly in your truth, even when the world whispers doubt. Navigate your life with nerve, and you’ll never be overlooked again.
― Linton J. Khor True assertiveness isn’t about speaking the loudest—it’s about standing firmly in your truth, even when the world whispers doubt. Navigate your life with nerve, and you’ll never be overlooked again. ― Linton J. Khor Instead of minimizing language that weakens your message by giving it less importance, amplify your message and increase its significance using decisive and authoritative wording. Seeking approval and validation Asking others for their inputs or their opinion isn’t wrong, it turns into a problem when you do it to gain approval, seek permission or don’t believe your ideas are valid without others' reassurance. Does that make sense? Does that make sense? I don’t know, what do you think? I don’t know, what do you think? Would you be okay with me leading this project? Would you be okay with me leading this project? Constantly seeking approval to avoid conflict or asking for confirmation to lower the risk of being wrong makes you come across as someone who isn’t sure about what they’re saying or someone whose ideas aren’t well thought out. Lacking conviction in your own decision makes you untrustworthy―a person who’s easily swayed by others' opinions can’t be trusted to lead projects or drive change. Say this: Let me know if you have any questions. Let me know if you have any questions. This is the best approach based on my research. This is the best approach based on my research. I will take the lead on this project. I will take the lead on this project. Strong people have a strong sense of self-worth and self-awareness; they don’t need the approval of others.
― Roy T. Bennett Strong people have a strong sense of self-worth and self-awareness; they don’t need the approval of others. ― Roy T. Bennett People who are respected at work take initiative without constantly checking for permission, second-guessing themselves or expressing doubt in the direction to take. Be decisive, stand confident in your own worth and show your expertise to gain trust, credibility and influence conversations. Summary Words play a big role in your success at work. They determine not only how you’re perceived, but also how others respond to it. While weak phrasing can hurt your reputation and damage your credibility, strong language can showcase your leadership abilities and put you across as someone who can be trusted with higher level responsibilities.
When sharing an opinion or an idea, doubt and hesitance can make it less credible, giving others a reason to ignore, reject or sideline your suggestions. If you want to be heard, speak with confidence—make it convincing and compelling leaving no room for doubt to creep in.
When asking for help, looking for advice or acknowledging your mistakes, using the ‘sorry’ word way too often or putting yourself down using self-deprecating language does not make others sympathize with you. Rather, others see you as imposing, incompetent and undeserving. Don’t put yourself down to get others time, attention and respect. Be assertive, not timid when you communicate.
Making commitments casually essentially tells others that you aren’t reliable and can’t be trusted to deliver the results you said you will do. Not only does it make you come across as undependable, noncommittal phrases challenge your authority and make others doubt everything you say and do. When making promises, carefully evaluate your options and communicate them with confidence, decisiveness and a sense of responsibility.
Downplaying the significance and importance of your message can save you from criticism and coming across as opinionated or overbearing, but it also minimizes your inputs, making them appear less valuable and deserving. Use language that amplifies your message, increases its significance and gets the attention of the people who need to hear them without being rude.
Constantly seeking approval, permission and assurance from others portrays you as someone who lacks courage and conviction. A person who overly relies on others to move forward can’t be trusted to lead projects or drive change. Take initiative, be decisive and stop second-guessing yourself. Communicate with a high sense of self-worth and belief in your knowledge and experience. Words play a big role in your success at work. They determine not only how you’re perceived, but also how others respond to it. While weak phrasing can hurt your reputation and damage your credibility, strong language can showcase your leadership abilities and put you across as someone who can be trusted with higher level responsibilities. When sharing an opinion or an idea, doubt and hesitance can make it less credible, giving others a reason to ignore, reject or sideline your suggestions. If you want to be heard, speak with confidence—make it convincing and compelling leaving no room for doubt to creep in. When asking for help, looking for advice or acknowledging your mistakes, using the ‘sorry’ word way too often or putting yourself down using self-deprecating language does not make others sympathize with you. Rather, others see you as imposing, incompetent and undeserving. Don’t put yourself down to get others time, attention and respect. Be assertive, not timid when you communicate. Making commitments casually essentially tells others that you aren’t reliable and can’t be trusted to deliver the results you said you will do. Not only does it make you come across as undependable, noncommittal phrases challenge your authority and make others doubt everything you say and do. When making promises, carefully evaluate your options and communicate them with confidence, decisiveness and a sense of responsibility. Downplaying the significance and importance of your message can save you from criticism and coming across as opinionated or overbearing, but it also minimizes your inputs, making them appear less valuable and deserving. Use language that amplifies your message, increases its significance and gets the attention of the people who need to hear them without being rude. Constantly seeking approval, permission and assurance from others portrays you as someone who lacks courage and conviction. A person who overly relies on others to move forward can’t be trusted to lead projects or drive change. Take initiative, be decisive and stop second-guessing yourself. Communicate with a high sense of self-worth and belief in your knowledge and experience. Follow me on LinkedIn or here for more stories. LinkedIn

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