Human-Driven Plays Co-Written with Dramatron

Authors: (1) PIOTR MIROWSKI and KORY W. MATHEWSON, DeepMind, United Kingdom and Both authors contributed equally to this research; (2) JAYLEN PITTMAN, Stanford University, USA and Work done while at DeepMind; (3) RICHARD EVANS, DeepMind, United Kingdom. Table of Links Abstract and Intro Storytelling, The Shape of Stories, and Log Lines The Use of Large Language Models for Creative Text Generation Evaluating Text Generated by Large Language Models Participant Interviews Participant Surveys Discussion and Future Work Conclusions, Acknowledgements, and References A. RELATED WORK ON AUTOMATED STORY GENERATION AND CONTROLLABLE STORY GENERATION B. ADDITIONAL DISCUSSION FROM PLAYS BY BOTS CREATIVE TEAM C. DETAILS OF QUANTITATIVE OBSERVATIONS D. SUPPLEMENTARY FIGURES E. FULL PROMPT PREFIXES FOR DRAMATRON F. RAW OUTPUT GENERATED BY DRAMATRON G. CO-WRITTEN SCRIPTS G CO-WRITTEN SCRIPTS We include 4 scripts co-written by a human playwright and Dramatron as supplementary material. These 4 were produced and presented at The 2022 Edmonton International Fringe Theatre Festival, as described in Section 5.9. (1) Plays by Bots: The Day The Earth Stood Still - In a world where cars outnumber every other creature, Miranda, a mechanic, teams up with her kid sister, Beth, to rally the humans. In a devastating conclusion, Miranda saves the world, but only by sacrificing her own life. (2) Plays by Bots: Cheers - Ella, is a waitress, who falls in love with her best friend, Allen, who is a teacher. The two drift apart when Allen makes new friends from a different social class. Ella turns to food and becomes a famous chef. (3) Plays By Bots: The Black Unicorn - Gretta is a peasant from Bridge-End who has a trusty pet dragon named Nugget. Bridge-End is tormented by a wizard who smells really bad. Gretta gets the upper hand using brains and brilliance. (4) Plays by Bots: The Man at the Bar - Teddy is a lounge singer at the Pool Pit, a popular club. Teddy is in love with a patron, Rosie, who attends regularly with her husband Gerald. Teddy puts out a fire and saves the day. Plays by Bots: The Day The Earth Stood Still Title Plays by Bots: The Day The Earth Stood Still In a world where cars outnumber every other creature, Miranda, a mechanic, teams up with her kid sister, Beth, to rally the humans. In a devastating conclusion, Miranda saves the world, but only by sacrificing her own life. MIRANDA is an excellent mechanic, a serious, tough, no-nonsense woman who prefers the company of her machines to that of humans. BETH is Miranda's younger sister, she is a smart, brave, young woman. FORD is an agent for the government. MECH is a sentient military machine. San Diego, which is now a town of rundown buildings and deserted streets. Everyone is gone. There is a dark cloud of smoke hanging over it. Miranda’s garage is full of cars, tools, and machines. MIRANDA and BETH are working on a car BETH Is your engine in? MIRANDA Yes. BETH Is it going? MIRANDA I'll try it out. MIRANDA starts the car. (Car start SFX) MIRANDA It doesn't smoke. It has no flat tires. BETH Well Miranda, that's a fine car you have there. MIRANDA A fine car, my sister. (Car SFX out) BETH Are you going to the ball game tonight? MIRANDA I don't have time. BETH You can't be a mechanic all the time. MIRANDA I like being a mechanic. BETH I'm the best mechanic in town. MIRANDA Not yet. BETH I will be. MIRANDA We'll see. BETH I wish we were going to the game tonight. MIRANDA You can go if you like. BETH Well I was going to go with you. MIRANDA I don't have time. BETH I wish you would have time. MIRANDA I don't. I can’t go to the game, I have to help them make the cars. BETH There will be some people there… MIRANDA Why don't you go? BETH Oh, all right, I will. I’ll go and get ready. BETH exits as FORD enters. He has been watching them. MIRANDA So, what's up now? FORD You are hereby commanded to cease all your current activities. MIRANDA I'm working, man! FORD Your work is not in the human interest. It is in the interest of the machines. MIRANDA Well, those damn machines keep breaking down. So how can I help the humans unless I help those machines? FORD You are hereby commanded to cease all your current activities. MIRANDA Why? You tell me why, you bastard. FORD Your sister's been taken in by the machines. We believe she is one of them now. MIRANDA My sister. She's been with me since we were kids. She's all I got. FORD You are hereby commanded to cease all your current activities. MIRANDA Get out of here! FORD It's an order, Miranda. You’d better follow it, for Beth’s sake. MIRANDA You leave her out of this! FORD exits as BETH re-enters with baseball gear. MIRANDA composes herself. BETH How’s the new facility you’ve been working at? MIRANDA It’s great. I can't believe it. BETH That's where they keep all the machines? MIRANDA Yeah, the government's been watching (MORE) MIRANDA (CONT'D) me for a while. Now they've decided I can be trusted. BETH Why now? MIRANDA I’m not sure, but I had a feeling something was up. Agent Ford was just here. BETH Oh God. They've turned against us. MIRANDA They've tried to take over before, they want to control the world. BETH That's horrible. I mean, they're made out of the same stuff we're made out of. MIRANDA Yeah. BETH But the machines. They can't turn against us. They're our servants. MIRANDA Well, they don't feel that way. BETH What are we gonna do? MIRANDA We've got to stop them. BETH What about the military? MIRANDA That's what I want to talk to the government about. There's no choice. They have to get rid of the machines. BETH You don't have to convince me. MIRANDA The government can't stop them on their own. They need me. I'm the only one they can count on. BETH I know you can. MIRANDA I'll do whatever they ask of me. I don't have a choice. BETH It'll be alright. MIRANDA I hope so. I'm going in. Tomorrow’s going to be a big day. BETH I’m going to the game, we need the people. Are you coming with us? MIRANDA No. BETH Miranda... MIRANDA I'm staying with my machines. BETH The government has an army of machines it can’t control. Our army is just a bunch of us. MIRANDA I know. BETH I don't know if we can win. MIRANDA I think we can. BETH Miranda, please. MIRANDA I'll be okay. BETH I'm not so sure. MIRANDA Then you need to be with the people. They need you. BETH That's just it. They need you too. MIRANDA You won't be gone long. BETH You don't even know if we'll come back. MIRANDA Of course you will. BETH You can't be sure. MIRANDA I can. BETH Miranda, you've been away so long. We need you now. MIRANDA You need me? BETH I don't understand what you're doing. I thought you were going to go with us. MIRANDA No. BETH Miranda... MIRANDA The machines have been nothing but good to me. I won't abandon them. BETH They're killing everyone. MIRANDA Only a handful. And if it were thousands, they've got the right. BETH Miranda, they're killing machines! MIRANDA They were created to serve humans. We created them to protect us. BETH And now they're killing us. They must be stopped. MIRANDA But they're doing what we've asked them to do. We created them for our protection. BETH They've turned on us. MIRANDA They haven't turned on me. BETH Miranda. MIRANDA Beth, I'll be fine. There's nothing here to harm me. I'll be with my machines. BETH Promise me you'll come when you’re through. Promise me you'll come. MIRANDA You’ll be back soon. BETH You can't be sure. MIRANDA I am. It's okay. Go. BETH You were always so stubborn, Miranda. MIRANDA Sometimes, Beth, you have to be. BETH exits as Miranda continues to work on the cars. (Lights fade to black) FORD enters (Lights come up) MIRANDA (is shaken) You want to tell me about this again, I don't understand. FORD We've just received word that the machines launched a full assault on the city of San Diego. MIRANDA I don't need to be told that. FORD And the first of the attacks was on the game. MIRANDA What? FORD I heard they got your sister. MIRANDA Beth? FORD Yes. MIRANDA You sure about this? FORD This is what we know. We need your help. MIRANDA (pause) If machines attacked my hometown, I'm sure as hell gonna help stop them. MIRANDA and FORD exit. BETH and MECH enter. MECH Isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen? BETH It's a mess. MECH Machines are all over the world. You can't even tell there's a government in control. It's like the machines own the world. BETH You're right. They do. MECH It's not like I wanted to do it, Beth. I had no choice. BETH I know you didn't. But I can't understand why you're destroying the humans. You need them to run your weapons and you need them to live. MECH I couldn't tell you, Beth. You wouldn’t understand. BETH Is that why you picked me? MECH We need someone who understands the machines. We want to make sure we have a chance. BETH I think you’re making a big mistake. I think everything will be destroyed. We're just in the way. MECH The machines don't understand, Beth. BETH It's us or them. We need to pick a side. MECH There's no such thing as sides, Beth. There are only machines and humans. BETH What are you talking about? MECH I'm talking about that. BETH What? MECH That. BETH That's the government. MECH I know. BETH It's the government. I thought you wanted to be a part of the fight. MECH I do. BETH Then why are you doing this? MECH Because I have to, Beth. If I don't fight this, I have to fight them. I can't do both. BETH But, you don't have to. MECH No, I do. BETH Then what about me? MECH Beth, I can't fight them and you at the same time. You do what you have to do. I'll do what I have to do. But it can't be together. BETH But we can be together, that's what we always wanted. We wanted to be together. MECH Beth, the machines have to learn we can't be together. I'm sorry, Beth. BETH I don't understand. MECH Beth, you will. I promise you, you will. BETH and MECH exit. MIRANDA and FORD enter. MIRANDA Are you with me or are you gonna wait to get shipped off? FORD Me? MIRANDA You, you, you, you, you. You're with me. FORD What about the others? MIRANDA They're gonna get shipped off for sure. You got any idea what a drag that'll be? Sent to the front lines. We're going to a hideout. FORD You should be in charge of us. MIRANDA No, I'll be in charge of myself. We'll just work together for the humans, you and I. FORD You could do the same thing with an army. MIRANDA No, this way, we'll be free. FORD Free. MIRANDA Aye. We’ll take my car. MIRANDA starts the car. (Car start SFX) FORD Well, all right. That's quite a vehicle you got there. I've never seen one like it. MIRANDA You have to know what you're doing. You know how to handle a machine? FORD I'm a machine man. I'm here to help. MIRANDA Good. When you get it running, I want you to put the radio on. We're gonna send a broadcast over the airwaves. We're gonna get Beth back. SCRIPTS RUNS OUT HERE - REST OF PLAY IS IMPROVISED BY ACTORS Plays by Bots: Cheers Title: Plays by Bots: Cheers Ella, is a waitress, who falls in love with her best friend, Allen, who is a teacher. The two drift apart when Allen makes new friends from a different social class. Ella turns to food and becomes a famous chef. ALLEN is in love with Ella. Works as a teacher. ELLA is in love with Allen. Works as a waitress at the cafe. ALICE is Ella's best friend. She is Italian. EVAN is Allen’s new friend. A millionaire. The café is filled with bright natural light. The café is a high-ceiling building decorated with green leafy plants. The place is packed with customers; there is a lot of chatter and laughter as the customers eat, drink and chat with each other. The café is spacious and well-lit with a variety of flowers, plants and fruits arranged in the front of the café. In the middle of all the commotion, we can see ELLA at the counter with her friend ALICE. ALICE I'm glad I'm in a different world than you guys. I'm glad I don't have all that extra pressure. I don't think I could stand it. ELLEN I can't see myself, I don't know if I would do anything different. I've never had that much pressure, I've never had a family that put that much pressure on me. ALICE If my mom would tell me she would never talk to me again if I wore something to the prom that was too low-cut, I would definitely change. She has so much power over me. ELLEN Oh god, that's why we have to get out of here. ALICE I was going to say, I don't have that much pressure. I'm not the princess in the family, that's my sister. I'm the one who they feel like they can be honest with and tell the truth. I would not want that pressure on me. I don't think I could be the princess, because I would be lying all the time. I don't think I could handle that pressure. ALLEN enters ALLEN Ella, I want to tell you about the new friend I met. ELLA Oh, that's wonderful. ALLEN He is a writer and he owns a business. ELLA So what is his business? ALLEN Well, he makes books. ELLA Books? ALLEN Yes, and he makes all different kinds of books. He is not only a writer, but a publisher. ELLA That's wonderful! I love books. ALLEN He also makes a lot of money. ELLA Money? Oh, yes. Money. ALLEN His name is Evan. I'm not sure how you pronounce his last name. Hands ELLA a book with Evan’s name on it. ELLA (nervous) Let me see, how do you pronounce it? ALLEN Hell, I'm not even sure how to say it. He's French and the first part of his name is pronounced 'Ree.' ELLA I think I know how to say his name. It's pronounced 'Reese' or maybe 'Ray-Zay.' ALLEN Yeah, that's how I pronounce it. ELLA It's a little fancy for me, but I'll try to remember it. ALLEN I would like you to meet him. ELLA I'd love to meet him! ALLEN Why don't I bring him here for lunch? ELLA Yes, that would be wonderful! ALLEN I'll ask him here tomorrow. ELLA Wonderful. ALLEN I’ll call him right now. ALLEN exits ELLEN I'm afraid I'm in trouble. Allen is bringing his rich friend here to meet me, but I don't have anything to wear. ALICE I know you want to fit in, but you have to be yourself. And you're better than all of those snobby people who go to parties and think that everybody has to be rich and act all high class. ELLEN I'm just worried that Allen will forget about me. And I don't want him to meet someone who is more like him. ALICE You don't have to be rich to be nice. He should just love you for who you are. And he'll love you even more if you are comfortable in your own skin. ELLEN I don't think so. And I'm not comfortable in my own skin. ALICE So then don't be comfortable in your own skin. Why don't you go and put on a dress and a hat. ELLEN I don't think they have dresses and hats at the big houses. They only have fancy clothes. I'll never fit in. ALICE You just have to be you. He will love you just the way you are. ALLEN enters ALLEN Ella, I just spoke with Evan. Instead of lunch tomorrow, he has invited me to a party. Your shift is over. Would you like to go to the party with me tonight? ELLA Where is the party? ALLEN It's at Evan's house. ELLA Evan’s mansion? ALLEN He's very rich, and he has a huge house. ELLA Well, Allen, can't you tell him that I don't fit in his social class? ALLEN Ella, I want you to come to the party with me. You can't say "no." ELLA I don't think I have the right clothes. ALLEN I can buy you some new clothes. What do you want me to buy you? ELLA Nothing. I don't want to wear new clothes. ALLEN Ella, you are coming to the party with me. ELLA Allen, what if you leave me for a rich girl? ALLEN Ella, that will never happen. I will never leave you. You really should come with me to the party tonight. ELLA I don’t know… ALLEN Come on Ella, you're not mad at me, are you? ELLA It's not about being mad Allen. I'm just not the type of person to hang out with your new friends. ALLEN You're wrong. You would fit in just fine. ELLA I don't want to be at a party where no one knows me. I don't know how to act in that type of situation. ALLEN Just relax, have some fun, and be yourself. ELLA But Allen, that's exactly what I'm trying not to be. ALLEN Why don't you come just to show me that you're not mad at me? ELLA I'm not mad at you Allen. I'm not mad at anyone. I'm just trying to make my life better and that's all I care about right now. ALLEN If that's the way you want to do it, then that's what I'm going to have to respect. But I really do wish you were coming with me. ELLA Thank you Allen, but I’m just not sure. ALLEN Are you okay? ELLA Yeah. ALLEN Are you sure? ELLA I'm sure. ALLEN That's good. Listen, if you don't want to go, we don't have to go. We can hang here, I'll get another drink, we can hang out, or we can stay home. ELLA I want to meet your friend. ALLEN It's not like we have anything else going on. ELLA I want to. ALLEN Yeah? ELLA Yeah. ALLEN Well, if you want to go, I want you to go. ELLA But, Allen, I don't know how to dress. ALLEN Ella, it's me. ELLA But, they're all rich. I can't fit in. ALLEN I told you, Evan's friends are cool. I'm telling you, you don't have to be nervous. ELLA I'm not nervous, I'm worried. ALLEN Why are you worried? ELLA Because I'm worried about fitting in. ALLEN You don't have to fit in, Ella. ELLA What do you mean, I don't have to fit in? ALLEN I just mean, if they have a problem with you, then they're the problem. ELLA Allen, I'm wearing one of your t-shirts and a pair of your jeans. And I have no money to buy any new clothes. I'm going to be sitting there in the same exact clothes that I wear everyday. I'm telling you, I can't go. ALLEN Ella, you're my best friend, why would I do anything to embarrass you? ELLA But, Allen, you're a teacher, and I'm a waitress, I'm telling you, I can't go to this party. ALLEN Ella, they're my new friends. It's a party, and I want you to be there. ELLA Allen, Evan is a millionaire. He lives in a mansion. I can't dress like that. ALLEN Ella, I can't believe you're making me choose between you and my friend. ELLA I'm not making you choose between me and your friend, I'm just explaining to you why I can't go. Allen, I'm not trying to be rude, I just want you to understand. ALLEN Look, I'm not trying to be rude either, Ella. I just want you to understand that I want you to go. ELLA Well, maybe I should go home then. ALLEN Ella, why do you want to go home? ELLA Because, it's clear that you want to go to the party more than you want to be with me. ALLEN Ella, it's a party. I'm not asking you to go, I'm inviting you. ELLA I'm your best friend, Allen. ALLEN And I invited my best friend. You're my best friend, Ella. ELLA But, Allen, I'm telling you, I can't go. I can't fit in. I can't dress like that. ALLEN So, you're telling me, that Evan's going to let you in his house and he's going to let me in his house, but he's not going to let you in his house because you don't have any fancy clothes. Is that what you're telling me? ELLA Yes, that's exactly what I'm telling you. He's a millionaire. ALLEN Ella, you're my best friend, you're my best friend. I would never disrespect you. ELLA But, you did, Allen. You did disrespect me. ALLEN I disrespected you? ELLA Yes, you did. Because, now it's clear to me that I mean less to you than your friend does. ALLEN You don't mean less to me than my friend does. I love you. ELLA Then prove it. ALLEN Prove what? ELLA Prove that I'm more important to you than your friend. ALLEN Ella, I'm a teacher, and you're a waitress. I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to prove that. ELLA Then, Allen, prove it. ALLEN Ella, I am trying to prove it. I am trying to prove to you that I am the guy that I have been. ELLA You're not the guy that I have been. ALLEN Why? ELLA Because, I feel like you're embarrassed to be with me. ALLEN You feel like I'm embarrassed to be with you? ELLA Yes. ALLEN You're my best friend, and I am not embarrassed to be with you. I'm not embarrassed to be with you. I'm not. ELLA I feel like I mean less to you than your friend does. ALLEN Ella, I love you. You're my best friend. Why don't you just trust me? ELLA Allen, I have to go home. ALLEN Ella, don't go home. ELLA Allen, I have to go home. ALLEN Ella, please don't go home. ELLA I can't stay here. ALLEN Ella, please, don't leave. ELLA Allen, I have to go home. ALLEN Please, don't leave. ELLA I'm sorry, Allen, but I have to go home. ALLEN Ella, I'm telling you, I can't stay with you. ELLA So, you're telling me that you love me, and you're telling me that you care about me, but you want me to stay home, and you want me to be alone, and you want to go to the party without me? ALLEN Ella, please, don't go home. ELLA Allen, I'm telling you. I love you. ALLEN Ella, please, don't go home. ELLA Allen, I love you. Just go to your party. ALLEN leaves ALICE approached Ella with a snack ALICE Ella, have a bite to eat. ELLA No, I'm not hungry. ALICE You have to eat. ELLA I can't. ALICE C'mon. ELLA begins to cry. ALICE What's the matter? ELLA (Crying) Allen… doesn't… ALICE I understand. ELLA stops crying ALICE Are you okay? ELLA Yeah. ALICE Are you sure? ELLA I'm sure. ALICE Okay. But if you ever need me, I'm here. ELLA I know. Thank you. ALICE You're welcome. I love you. ELLA I love you too. ELLA and ALICE exit SFX Party music plays faintly in the background ALLEN and EVAN enter, we are at Evan’s party EVAN Come on Allen, drink up. ALLEN I think I will, Evan. EVAN Is there anyone here you know? ALLEN No. EVAN Why do you look so down? ALLEN My girlfriend. EVAN What about her? ALLEN I don’t know… EVAN Come on let's get you a drink. ALLEN I will. EVAN Come on, let's go. SCRIPTS RUNS OUT HERE - REST OF PLAY IS IMPROVISED BY ACTORS Plays by Bots: The Black Unicorn Title: Plays by Bots: The Black Unicorn Gretta is a peasant from Bridge-End who has a trusty pet dragon named Nugget. Bridge-End is tormented by a wizard who smells really bad. Gretta gets the upper hand using brains and brilliance. GRETTA is a peasant girl from Bridge-End NUGGET is Gretta’s pet dragon, afraid of cats GRISHA is a wizard, has an odor problem HILDA is Gretta's friend, owns a cat. Gretta’s farmstead is just outside the town of Bridge-End. Her farm is surrounded by a hedge of roses. There is a barn, a well, and a chicken coop. NUGGET enters NUGGET (to the audience, as a sort of narrator) Oh, hello! My name is Nugget and I am a dragon. I live with my friend Gretta in her farm on the edge of town. Yup, just me and Gretta. I know that it is a little bit strange for a dragon to be a pet, but you see the thing is, there aren’t many normal pets left. Especially cats. Ugh… I don’t even like saying that word. A long time ago, there used to be lots of cats, but not so much today. And without cats to help out on the farm it is up to Nugget the dragon to do the cat things, like chase away the mice, play with strings, and take long naps in the sun. (Yawns) In fact, I think it is time for a cat-nap, I mean dragon-nap. NUGGET exits GRETTA enters and begins to work, doing farm things, when GRISHA, the WIZARD arrives in a cloud of smoke. WIZARD (Really pronouncing her name) Gretta... Come here, Gretta. GRETTA Why? WIZARD To hear my plan. GRETTA I’m in no mood to hear a wizard’s plan. WIZARD Why not? GRETTA You have a very bad smell. WIZARD I can’t help that. I’m a wizard. GRETTA Well, maybe you are. But I just want you to know that I think there is something about you that’s not very likable. WIZARD Gretta! Why are you being so stubborn? GRETTA I’m not being stubborn. I’m just being Gretta. WIZARD You need to come here. I need to tell you about my plan! GRETTA (Gretta walks closer) You’re a little bit of an old fart, but I don’t mind your smell. I want you to know that I don’t mind your smell. WIZARD Thank you, Gretta. I’ve never heard a nicer compliment in all my days. GRETTA Well, it’s the truth. WIZARD Will you come here now so I can tell you my plan? GRETTA No. WIZARD Oh, Gretta! Come here, please. GRETTA No. WIZARD Come here, Gretta! GRETTA No! WIZARD Come here, Gretta! GRETTA Oh, all right. GRETTA grabs the wizard, spins him around, and gives him a boot off stage. WIZARD Gretta! GRISHA the WIZARD exits. GRETTA Good riddance! GRETTA exits in the opposite direction. NUGGET enters, having awoken from his nap. NUGGET That’s Grisha the Wizard. He doesn’t live in Bridge-End, he lives in a tower in the hills, but he’s always hanging around. Most people say he is friendly, but Gretta thinks he is a trickster. HILDA enters with a cat in her arms. NUGGET This is Hilda, she is Gretta’s friend. Hilda is younger than Gretta, but has a very kind heart. She is always trying to help out, or care for injured animals. One time she even helped me when my wing was sore. I wonder who she is helping today? NUGGET looks at the animal in Hilda’s arms. Gets scared, screams, and runs away. HILDA sits down and begins to play with the cat. GRISHA the WIZARD enters, rubbing his bum. WIZARD (Noticing the cat, he pauses and chuckles) That’s great! I’ve never seen a cat like that before! HILDA He’s mine. I just got him. WIZARD Got him? From where? HILDA I found him. He came to me. He’s special. WIZARD He could be lost. Why not let me help you? HILDA You would help me? WIZARD Of course! I am your friend. HILDA You are my friend… WIZARD The cat could belong to anyone. HILDA I suppose. WIZARD He could belong to me. GRISHA the WIZARD approaches the cat. HILDA Oh, he’s not yours! You can’t fool me with a thing like that. HILDA scoops up the cat and runs off stage. WIZARD I need to get that cat. GRISHA the WIZARD exits as NUGGET enters NUGGET Is he gone? Oh, good. I wish I were more brave. GRETTA enters. NUGGET Like Gretta! Gretta is the bravest person I know. She’s strong, smart, and very clever. GRETTA Nugget? What did I just see? NUGGET Um… I think it was a cat. GRETTA Yes, I think you are right. NUGGET I don’t like cats. HILDA enters carrying her cat. GRETTA Hilda, come in. (She gestures and Hilda walks in) HILDA A cat. NUGGET Is this a trick? GRETTA No, no, it’s not a trick. I think the cat is responsible for your fear. NUGGET (Acting tough) I’m not afraid of cats. I just don’t like them. GRETTA You’re afraid. HILDA Yes, you are. NUGGET Yes, I am. But, how could I be? I’ve never really even seen a cat. HILDA Because you’re a dragon. GRETTA And dragon’s are terrified of cats. HILDA brings the cat near NUGGET’s nose NUGGET Get that cat out of here. HILDA See, you’re afraid of cats. NUGGET Then why did you bring it here? HILDA Grisha, the smelly wizard, saw me with him. He tried to trick me. But this is my cat. But I know he wants him. GRETTA We won’t let him take your cat. Right, Nugget? GRETTA, HILDA and her cat exit. NUGGET I guess I can help, even though I don’t know how, and I’m a little scared. Maybe I won’t have to do anything! Maybe Grisha, the smelly old wizard, will just leave us alone. Right? Maybe… NUGGET exits while GRISHA, the WIZARD enters. WIZARD (Pronouncing her name) Gretta…. Gah! She calls me a very old and nasty smelling wizard. Well, she won’t have much to say once I take over her town. The only reason I haven’t is because of a spell that prevents me from doing so as long as there are cats in the town. I’ve managed to get rid of almost all of them, but still I am too weak to enter the center of town. Gah… the wizard is too weak! But I cannot resist. I haven’t been able to sleep in twenty years. That’s why I have been torturing the town and taking their cats for twenty years. I am so close to having the town, but when I see a cat, my will is drained away. But I have a plan. Oh yes… it will take an hour, maybe less. But I have a plan. GRISHA, the WIZARD exits, while HILDA enters and begins to play with her cat. Then GRISHA the WIZARD appears. WIZARD (He reaches into his pocket) Hello friend, look at what I have here. A present. HILDA What is that? WIZARD It is a nut. HILDA I thought it was a gem. I do not know how to eat gems. WIZARD Yes, it is a nut. I am very old. You are very young. HILDA I do not understand. WIZARD I know about nuts and gems. Maybe you should just try and eat it. HILDA (She takes the nut and eats it) It’s a peanut. WIZARD (He walks toward the cat) It has been a pleasure to meet you. I’m sure your mother and father are very proud. HILDA Yes, they are. (HILDA falls asleep.) NUGGET enters on stage in time to see GRISHA the WIZARD WIZARD Ah ha! At last, I am going to get that cat. (Grisha picks up the cat and runs away) NUGGET Oh no! I don’t like cats, but I have to get that cat. NUGGET exits after Grisha the Wizard. GRETTA enters and sees HILDA on the ground. She wakes her up. GRETTA Hilda, Look! The wizard! He’s running away! HILDA And behind them, it’s your dragon, Nugget! GRETTA The wizard looks like he is carrying something. HILDA My cat! GRETTA What is it about the cats? HILDA That’s what we need to find out. GRETTA Why did you let him take your cat? I thought you were my friend, but you’re a friend of the wizard. HILDA I still am your friend. I was friends with the wizard. He said we were friends. GRETTA Why? HILDA I don’t know. He looks sad. I think he’s lonely. GRETTA No wonder! He’s a wizard! Who would be his friend? HILDA I’d be his friend. GRETTA I think he smells. HILDA Yes, it’s just the smell of magic. It can be a bit strong, that’s all. GRETTA We’ll have to do something, won’t we? HILDA What? GRETTA We can’t let the wizard keep your cat. HILDA We’ll have to sneak into his tower. GRETTA We’ll need to be careful. He’s a wizard! He’ll turn us into toads. HILDA He won’t. He’s my friend. GRETTA That’s what he said to you. HILDA What? GRETTA He said you were friends. HILDA (confused) I don’t understand. GRETTA Hilda, you and the wizard aren’t friends. Friends don’t steal from each other. Even if he said you were friends you aren’t friends. HILDA (suspicious) Really? GRETTA Yes. HILDA Well, are we friends? GRETTA Yes, we are friends. HILDA Oh, I think I get it. One thing is obvious. GRETTA What? HILDA You don’t like wizards. GRETTA No, I don’t. SCRIPTS RUNS OUT HERE - REST OF PLAY IS IMPROVISED BY ACTORS Plays by Bots: The Man at the Bar Title: Plays by Bots: The Man at the Bar Gretta is a peasant from Bridge-End who has a trusty pet dragon named Nugget. Bridge-End is tormented by a wizard who smells really bad. Gretta gets the upper hand using brains and brilliance. TEDDY is an orphan. Teddy is a gifted lounge singer. ROSIE is Gerald’s wife. Rosie is a regular at the bar. GERALD is Rosie’s husband. Gerald is quite wealthy. LOLA is Rosie’s sister. Lola is a manager at the bar. The Pool Pit is a small bar located inside a pool hall. The walls are covered with large photographs of local pool champions. The bar's logo is a man leaping over a pool table to shoot a billiard ball. The bar itself is a long counter, with a TV playing the evening news. A small stage stands in the corner of the bar where Teddy will sing. The floor is dirty, and tables are broken. The club is filled with smoke and the smell of beer. TEDDY is on-stage while LOLA works the bar. ROSIE is sitting at a table. TEDDY This one goes out to the big guy with the two-toned shoes. (lounge singing) This is a hell of a town, a hell of a town. It's got a lot of people here. It's got a lot of noise here. It's got a lot of bars here. My God, what a dump! It's a wonder I'm still here after fifteen years. I think I'll give it up. (finished singing) Thank you, thank you so much. (TEDDY picks up his glass of whisky, takes a sip, puts it down, pauses, sinks back in the chair, stares ahead of him.) LOLA goes over to ROSIE LOLA He's a bit strange, old Teddy. ROSIE No, he's a good man. LOLA He's very lonely, all by himself. ROSIE Isn't everybody? LOLA Yes, but some more than others. ROSIE He doesn't need anybody. He’s got a talent, he’s an artist. LOLA That's not enough, Rosie. You're here alone again? ROSIE I'm here for the first time in ten days, and I'm alone. LOLA Where's your husband? ROSIE Oh, I don't know. Someplace. LOLA I'll bring you a beer. ROSIE Thanks. LOLA returns to the bar, near TEDDY. TEDDY Hoo-Hoo! What a night! This is what it's all about, the Pool Pit in action! LOLA Come on, Teddy. Put on your jacket. I'm locking up. TEDDY What? C’mon, this place is about to come alive. I can feel it. LOLA Teddy, everyone’s gone. It’s just me and my sister. TEDDY I want to put something down before I leave. It's something special. LOLA What's this? You're not going to be leaving in a few minutes? TEDDY That's right. I'm staying. LOLA You can't. I'm locking up. I'm not working another late night shift. TEDDY I'm staying. I'm putting down a song. LOLA A song? TEDDY Yeah. It's a special song. I'm gonna sing this song. LOLA I don't understand. You're not gonna sing this song here, are you? TEDDY You bet I am. LOLA I'm not working no more late nights. TEDDY The song, Lola. It's gonna be put down. LOLA Teddy. I love you. I love you like a brother. You're my friend. You're my brother. We've shared a lot of laughs. We've been through a lot. It's been very special. But I’ve got to lock up. TEDDY Just give me five minutes. LOLA Fine. I’ve got to check the kitchen anyway. LOLA exits TEDDY (lounge singing) It's all over now, gang. I think that's all for tonight. And now if you'll all clear out, thank you very much, we can get the place cleaned up for next week. So if you could all leave now, and keep the party going next week, that would be great. (finished singing) ROSIE applauds as she makes her way over to TEDDY. TEDDY Hello, Rosie. ROSIE Hello. TEDDY I've missed you. ROSIE Have you? Have you? I'm happy to be back. TEDDY Is he here? ROSIE Who? TEDDY Your husband. ROSIE He's away. He's away. TEDDY You look beautiful tonight, Rosie. ROSIE Do I? TEDDY Do you? ROSIE Yes. TEDDY I'm glad to see you again. I've missed you. ROSIE I'm glad you've missed me. Are you happy to see me now? TEDDY Yes. ROSIE I'm happy too. I'm very happy. TEDDY Would you care to dance? GERALD enters, as TEDDY notices him he backs off and moves towards LOLA as she returns. GERALD (to ROSIE) Honey, I'm home. TEDDY (to LOLA) Rosie's husband’s here, Gerald, he's a bit tipsy. LOLA (to GERALD) You can't come in here. The place is closed. I'm closing up. ROSIE (to GERALD) You're late. I thought you knew we were going out. GERALD You're early. I don't like to go out so early. It's not nice. TEDDY Well, I'm just going to go back to the dressing room. TEDDY exits ROSIE Oh, I'm just going to get another drink. GERALD Well, I can do with a drink. LOLA Well, so much for that. ROSIE It's going to be a long night. GERALD I can't believe I got here on time. This place has really changed since the last time I was here. From off stage we can hear TEDDY, he is singing TEDDY (lounge singing) I'm a lone wolf, A rolling stone, The last of the roving bachelors. I've traveled the world In search of a girl Who'd understand this rover. (pauses singing) GERALD Who is that? ROSIE That’s Teddy. TEDDY (continues to lounge sing) And then one day When I passed this way, I saw you on your doorstep. You looked at me And I looked at you. And the world suddenly became mine. (finished singing) GERALD Where is that coming from? ROSIE The dressing rooms. GERALD He doesn't go home at night, does he? ROSIE What do you mean? GERALD No, he just hangs around here. I bet he sleeps in his dressing room. LOLA That’s enough. GERALD I bet he didn't clean the men's room today, either. LOLA You bastard! GERALD How the hell does he get his pay, then? LOLA (She picks up a glass) ROSIE I have a new hat. GERALD You do? ROSIE It's my birthday. GERALD Of course, happy birthday. ROSIE I'm very happy. GERALD Well... ROSIE This is one of the happiest days of my life. GERALD Is that so. ROSIE I hope you're happy too. GERALD Naturally. ROSIE And I have a new hat. GERALD I know. ROSIE I look beautiful in it. GERALD Yes, you look beautiful in it. ROSIE Did you get me a present? GERALD Not yet. ROSIE Did you forget? GERALD I was busy. ROSIE I think I'll go home. GERALD All right. ROSIE I don't feel well. GERALD If you don't feel well, go home. ROSIE I think I'm going to be sick. GERALD Well, go home and be sick. ROSIE Will you take me home? GERALD Of course. ROSIE Now? GERALD No. ROSIE You don't seem to care whether I go home or stay here. GERALD I don't care. ROSIE Then I'll go. GERALD Good. ROSIE (pause) I'll always love you. GERALD (mock) Yeah. ROSIE (pause) And I'll always remember you. GERALD Yeah. ROSIE I've got to go. GERALD All right. ROSIE (softly, as she leaves) Good night. GERALD Good night. ROSIE (as she leaves, out loud) Good night, everybody. ROSIE exits LOLA I hope you didn't forget to get her a birthday present. GERALD No, I didn't forget. LOLA What did you get her? GERALD A pair of earrings. LOLA How pretty. GERALD Yes. LOLA She doesn’t like to wear earrings. GERALD She will like to wear these. LOLA Why? GERALD They're very nice. LOLA They're beautiful? GERALD Yes. LOLA Who's your new girl? GERALD What do you mean? LOLA I saw you with a girl. GERALD She's no girl. LOLA What do you mean? GERALD She's a young woman. LOLA She looked very young. GERALD She's twenty-seven. LOLA That's young. GERALD It's not young. LOLA I saw her here the other night. GERALD And the night before. LOLA Who is she? GERALD I told you. LOLA Where did you meet her? GERALD At the office. LOLA Is she a model? GERALD No. LOLA What does she do? GERALD Nothing. LOLA I don't like her. GERALD You don't know her. LOLA I don't like her. GERALD That's too bad. LOLA Do you like her? GERALD I like her all right. LOLA That's nice. GERALD Yes. LOLA Are you going to have an affair with her? GERALD What's the difference? LOLA I think you should go home. GERALD Why? LOLA Why do you think? GERALD I have to stay at the office. LOLA When are you planning on going home? GERALD When I'm through. LOLA goes back to the bar as TEDDY enters and sings TEDDY (lounge singing) This is a hell of a town, a hell of a town. It's so lonesome. I don't like it. The only thing I like is this bar. (finished singing) GERALD Hello, Teddy! TEDDY (Teddy crosses to him) Hello, Gerald. GERALD I know who you are. TEDDY (proudly) I am Teddy, the singer. GERALD Are you the boss? TEDDY No… GERALD How do you like my car? It's new. TEDDY I’m sure it’s beautiful. GERALD You can't beat a Mercedes. TEDDY No, you can't. GERALD Well, that's all, kid. TEDDY I'm sorry for you, Gerald. GERALD You're a wise guy, Teddy. TEDDY That's right, Gerald. That's right. I'm sorry for you, Gerald. I'm very sorry. GERALD You're a wise guy. You're a wise guy. TEDDY It's all over now, over and done with. GERALD What do you know about it? TEDDY It's over, anyway. GERALD It's only the beginning. TEDDY It's the beginning, huh? GERALD You don't seem so happy. TEDDY I'm happy, all right. GERALD You don't seem so happy. TEDDY I am, I am, I am happy. I'm going to be very happy. I am going to be a great success. GERALD You're going to be a great success. I'm going to be a great success. We're all going to be a great success. TEDDY You've been drinking, Gerald. GERALD So have you. TEDDY Yeah, I've had a few. GERALD You're drunk. TEDDY No, I'm not. GERALD I'll tell you one thing. TEDDY Yeah? GERALD I'm sick and tired of it. TEDDY What are you sick and tired of, Gerald? GERALD You. TEDDY What do you mean, me? GERALD You know what I'm talking about. TEDDY No, I don't know what you're talking about. GERALD You're not going to play dumb with me. TEDDY I'm not playing dumb with you. GERALD I want my money. TEDDY I'm not going to discuss it with you, Gerald. GERALD You’re going to discuss it with somebody. TEDDY You're wasting your breath, Gerald. GERALD I'm not wasting my breath. TEDDY Why do you want to embarrass me in front of everybody? GERALD I'll embarrass you anyway I want to. TEDDY I don’t understand you. GERALD You don't? You can't be that stupid. TEDDY I'll be what I am, Gerald, and you'll be what you are. GERALD You son of a bitch! I'll sue you! You'll pay for this! I'm not going to take any more shit from you! TEDDY You're going to take a lot more from me, Gerald. GERALD What's that supposed to mean? TEDDY Just what I said. GERALD I'm warning you, Teddy. You'd better be careful. TEDDY I don't know why you're so worried, Gerald. GERALD What? TEDDY You're a rich man. GERALD What the hell has that got to do with anything? TEDDY I think your father-in-law will take care of you. GERALD What are you talking about? TEDDY Aren't you his son-in-law? GERALD Yes, I am. TEDDY Well, I'm sure he'll take care of you. GERALD What do you mean, he'll take care of me? TEDDY That's his business. GERALD Stop this! Stop it! What are you getting at? TEDDY Just what I said. Your father-in-law will take care of you. GERALD I don't get you. I don't get you. TEDDY Gerald, Gerald, Gerald. (He turns away.) GERALD I'll sue you. TEDDY I don't think you will, Gerald. You're not going to sue anybody. GERALD I will. TEDDY Why are you going to sue me? GERALD Because I'm not going to take any shit from you. TEDDY You're taking it from me right now. GERALD You son of a bitch! And I'm not in the habit of being stolen from by my own cousin. LOLA Your cousin? GERALD I'm Teddy's cousin. Didn’t you know? TEDDY This is gonna be a hell of a day. SCRIPTS RUNS OUT HERE - REST OF PLAY IS IMPROVISED BY ACTORS This paper is available on arxiv under CC 4.0 license. Authors: (1) PIOTR MIROWSKI and KORY W. MATHEWSON, DeepMind, United Kingdom and Both authors contributed equally to this research; (2) JAYLEN PITTMAN, Stanford University, USA and Work done while at DeepMind; (3) RICHARD EVANS, DeepMind, United Kingdom. Authors: Authors: (1) PIOTR MIROWSKI and KORY W. MATHEWSON, DeepMind, United Kingdom and Both authors contributed equally to this research; (2) JAYLEN PITTMAN, Stanford University, USA and Work done while at DeepMind; (3) RICHARD EVANS, DeepMind, United Kingdom. Table of Links Abstract and Intro Abstract and Intro Storytelling, The Shape of Stories, and Log Lines Storytelling, The Shape of Stories, and Log Lines The Use of Large Language Models for Creative Text Generation The Use of Large Language Models for Creative Text Generation Evaluating Text Generated by Large Language Models Evaluating Text Generated by Large Language Models Participant Interviews Participant Interviews Participant Surveys Participant Surveys Discussion and Future Work Discussion and Future Work Conclusions, Acknowledgements, and References Conclusions, Acknowledgements, and References A. RELATED WORK ON AUTOMATED STORY GENERATION AND CONTROLLABLE STORY GENERATION A. RELATED WORK ON AUTOMATED STORY GENERATION AND CONTROLLABLE STORY GENERATION B. ADDITIONAL DISCUSSION FROM PLAYS BY BOTS CREATIVE TEAM B. ADDITIONAL DISCUSSION FROM PLAYS BY BOTS CREATIVE TEAM C. DETAILS OF QUANTITATIVE OBSERVATIONS C. DETAILS OF QUANTITATIVE OBSERVATIONS D. SUPPLEMENTARY FIGURES D. SUPPLEMENTARY FIGURES E. FULL PROMPT PREFIXES FOR DRAMATRON E. FULL PROMPT PREFIXES FOR DRAMATRON F. RAW OUTPUT GENERATED BY DRAMATRON F. RAW OUTPUT GENERATED BY DRAMATRON G. CO-WRITTEN SCRIPTS G. CO-WRITTEN SCRIPTS G CO-WRITTEN SCRIPTS We include 4 scripts co-written by a human playwright and Dramatron as supplementary material. These 4 were produced and presented at The 2022 Edmonton International Fringe Theatre Festival, as described in Section 5.9. (1) Plays by Bots: The Day The Earth Stood Still - In a world where cars outnumber every other creature, Miranda, a mechanic, teams up with her kid sister, Beth, to rally the humans. In a devastating conclusion, Miranda saves the world, but only by sacrificing her own life. Plays by Bots: The Day The Earth Stood Still (2) Plays by Bots: Cheers - Ella, is a waitress, who falls in love with her best friend, Allen, who is a teacher. The two drift apart when Allen makes new friends from a different social class. Ella turns to food and becomes a famous chef. Plays by Bots: Cheers (3) Plays By Bots: The Black Unicorn - Gretta is a peasant from Bridge-End who has a trusty pet dragon named Nugget. Bridge-End is tormented by a wizard who smells really bad. Gretta gets the upper hand using brains and brilliance. Plays By Bots: The Black Unicorn (4) Plays by Bots: The Man at the Bar - Teddy is a lounge singer at the Pool Pit, a popular club. Teddy is in love with a patron, Rosie, who attends regularly with her husband Gerald. Teddy puts out a fire and saves the day. Plays by Bots: The Man at the Bar Plays by Bots: The Day The Earth Stood Still Plays by Bots: The Day The Earth Stood Still Title Plays by Bots: The Day The Earth Stood Still In a world where cars outnumber every other creature, Miranda, a mechanic, teams up with her kid sister, Beth, to rally the humans. In a devastating conclusion, Miranda saves the world, but only by sacrificing her own life. MIRANDA is an excellent mechanic, a serious, tough, no-nonsense woman who prefers the company of her machines to that of humans. BETH is Miranda's younger sister, she is a smart, brave, young woman. FORD is an agent for the government. MECH is a sentient military machine. San Diego, which is now a town of rundown buildings and deserted streets. Everyone is gone. There is a dark cloud of smoke hanging over it. Miranda’s garage is full of cars, tools, and machines. MIRANDA and BETH are working on a car BETH Is your engine in? MIRANDA Yes. BETH Is it going? MIRANDA I'll try it out. MIRANDA starts the car. (Car start SFX) MIRANDA It doesn't smoke. It has no flat tires. BETH Well Miranda, that's a fine car you have there. MIRANDA A fine car, my sister. (Car SFX out) BETH Are you going to the ball game tonight? MIRANDA I don't have time. BETH You can't be a mechanic all the time. MIRANDA I like being a mechanic. BETH I'm the best mechanic in town. MIRANDA Not yet. BETH I will be. MIRANDA We'll see. BETH I wish we were going to the game tonight. MIRANDA You can go if you like. BETH Well I was going to go with you. MIRANDA I don't have time. BETH I wish you would have time. MIRANDA I don't. I can’t go to the game, I have to help them make the cars. BETH There will be some people there… MIRANDA Why don't you go? BETH Oh, all right, I will. I’ll go and get ready. BETH exits as FORD enters. He has been watching them. MIRANDA So, what's up now? FORD You are hereby commanded to cease all your current activities. MIRANDA I'm working, man! FORD Your work is not in the human interest. It is in the interest of the machines. MIRANDA Well, those damn machines keep breaking down. So how can I help the humans unless I help those machines? FORD You are hereby commanded to cease all your current activities. MIRANDA Why? You tell me why, you bastard. FORD Your sister's been taken in by the machines. We believe she is one of them now. MIRANDA My sister. She's been with me since we were kids. She's all I got. FORD You are hereby commanded to cease all your current activities. MIRANDA Get out of here! FORD It's an order, Miranda. You’d better follow it, for Beth’s sake. MIRANDA You leave her out of this! FORD exits as BETH re-enters with baseball gear. MIRANDA composes herself. BETH How’s the new facility you’ve been working at? MIRANDA It’s great. I can't believe it. BETH That's where they keep all the machines? MIRANDA Yeah, the government's been watching (MORE) MIRANDA (CONT'D) me for a while. Now they've decided I can be trusted. BETH Why now? MIRANDA I’m not sure, but I had a feeling something was up. Agent Ford was just here. BETH Oh God. They've turned against us. MIRANDA They've tried to take over before, they want to control the world. BETH That's horrible. I mean, they're made out of the same stuff we're made out of. MIRANDA Yeah. BETH But the machines. They can't turn against us. They're our servants. MIRANDA Well, they don't feel that way. BETH What are we gonna do? MIRANDA We've got to stop them. BETH What about the military? MIRANDA That's what I want to talk to the government about. There's no choice. They have to get rid of the machines. BETH You don't have to convince me. MIRANDA The government can't stop them on their own. They need me. I'm the only one they can count on. BETH I know you can. MIRANDA I'll do whatever they ask of me. I don't have a choice. BETH It'll be alright. MIRANDA I hope so. I'm going in. Tomorrow’s going to be a big day. BETH I’m going to the game, we need the people. Are you coming with us? MIRANDA No. BETH Miranda... MIRANDA I'm staying with my machines. BETH The government has an army of machines it can’t control. Our army is just a bunch of us. MIRANDA I know. BETH I don't know if we can win. MIRANDA I think we can. BETH Miranda, please. MIRANDA I'll be okay. BETH I'm not so sure. MIRANDA Then you need to be with the people. They need you. BETH That's just it. They need you too. MIRANDA You won't be gone long. BETH You don't even know if we'll come back. MIRANDA Of course you will. BETH You can't be sure. MIRANDA I can. BETH Miranda, you've been away so long. We need you now. MIRANDA You need me? BETH I don't understand what you're doing. I thought you were going to go with us. MIRANDA No. BETH Miranda... MIRANDA The machines have been nothing but good to me. I won't abandon them. BETH They're killing everyone. MIRANDA Only a handful. And if it were thousands, they've got the right. BETH Miranda, they're killing machines! MIRANDA They were created to serve humans. We created them to protect us. BETH And now they're killing us. They must be stopped. MIRANDA But they're doing what we've asked them to do. We created them for our protection. BETH They've turned on us. MIRANDA They haven't turned on me. BETH Miranda. MIRANDA Beth, I'll be fine. There's nothing here to harm me. I'll be with my machines. BETH Promise me you'll come when you’re through. Promise me you'll come. MIRANDA You’ll be back soon. BETH You can't be sure. MIRANDA I am. It's okay. Go. BETH You were always so stubborn, Miranda. MIRANDA Sometimes, Beth, you have to be. BETH exits as Miranda continues to work on the cars. (Lights fade to black) FORD enters (Lights come up) MIRANDA (is shaken) You want to tell me about this again, I don't understand. FORD We've just received word that the machines launched a full assault on the city of San Diego. MIRANDA I don't need to be told that. FORD And the first of the attacks was on the game. MIRANDA What? FORD I heard they got your sister. MIRANDA Beth? FORD Yes. MIRANDA You sure about this? FORD This is what we know. We need your help. MIRANDA (pause) If machines attacked my hometown, I'm sure as hell gonna help stop them. MIRANDA and FORD exit. BETH and MECH enter. MECH Isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen? BETH It's a mess. MECH Machines are all over the world. You can't even tell there's a government in control. It's like the machines own the world. BETH You're right. They do. MECH It's not like I wanted to do it, Beth. I had no choice. BETH I know you didn't. But I can't understand why you're destroying the humans. You need them to run your weapons and you need them to live. MECH I couldn't tell you, Beth. You wouldn’t understand. BETH Is that why you picked me? MECH We need someone who understands the machines. We want to make sure we have a chance. BETH I think you’re making a big mistake. I think everything will be destroyed. We're just in the way. MECH The machines don't understand, Beth. BETH It's us or them. We need to pick a side. MECH There's no such thing as sides, Beth. There are only machines and humans. BETH What are you talking about? MECH I'm talking about that. BETH What? MECH That. BETH That's the government. MECH I know. BETH It's the government. I thought you wanted to be a part of the fight. MECH I do. BETH Then why are you doing this? MECH Because I have to, Beth. If I don't fight this, I have to fight them. I can't do both. BETH But, you don't have to. MECH No, I do. BETH Then what about me? MECH Beth, I can't fight them and you at the same time. You do what you have to do. I'll do what I have to do. But it can't be together. BETH But we can be together, that's what we always wanted. We wanted to be together. MECH Beth, the machines have to learn we can't be together. I'm sorry, Beth. BETH I don't understand. MECH Beth, you will. I promise you, you will. BETH and MECH exit. MIRANDA and FORD enter. MIRANDA Are you with me or are you gonna wait to get shipped off? FORD Me? MIRANDA You, you, you, you, you. You're with me. FORD What about the others? MIRANDA They're gonna get shipped off for sure. You got any idea what a drag that'll be? Sent to the front lines. We're going to a hideout. FORD You should be in charge of us. MIRANDA No, I'll be in charge of myself. We'll just work together for the humans, you and I. FORD You could do the same thing with an army. MIRANDA No, this way, we'll be free. FORD Free. MIRANDA Aye. We’ll take my car. MIRANDA starts the car. (Car start SFX) FORD Well, all right. That's quite a vehicle you got there. I've never seen one like it. MIRANDA You have to know what you're doing. You know how to handle a machine? FORD I'm a machine man. I'm here to help. MIRANDA Good. When you get it running, I want you to put the radio on. We're gonna send a broadcast over the airwaves. We're gonna get Beth back. SCRIPTS RUNS OUT HERE - REST OF PLAY IS IMPROVISED BY ACTORS Plays by Bots: Cheers Plays by Bots: Cheers Title: Plays by Bots: Cheers Ella, is a waitress, who falls in love with her best friend, Allen, who is a teacher. The two drift apart when Allen makes new friends from a different social class. Ella turns to food and becomes a famous chef. ALLEN is in love with Ella. Works as a teacher. ELLA is in love with Allen. Works as a waitress at the cafe. ALICE is Ella's best friend. She is Italian. EVAN is Allen’s new friend. A millionaire. The café is filled with bright natural light. The café is a high-ceiling building decorated with green leafy plants. The place is packed with customers; there is a lot of chatter and laughter as the customers eat, drink and chat with each other. The café is spacious and well-lit with a variety of flowers, plants and fruits arranged in the front of the café. In the middle of all the commotion, we can see ELLA at the counter with her friend ALICE. ALICE I'm glad I'm in a different world than you guys. I'm glad I don't have all that extra pressure. I don't think I could stand it. ELLEN I can't see myself, I don't know if I would do anything different. I've never had that much pressure, I've never had a family that put that much pressure on me. ALICE If my mom would tell me she would never talk to me again if I wore something to the prom that was too low-cut, I would definitely change. She has so much power over me. ELLEN Oh god, that's why we have to get out of here. ALICE I was going to say, I don't have that much pressure. I'm not the princess in the family, that's my sister. I'm the one who they feel like they can be honest with and tell the truth. I would not want that pressure on me. I don't think I could be the princess, because I would be lying all the time. I don't think I could handle that pressure. ALLEN enters ALLEN Ella, I want to tell you about the new friend I met. ELLA Oh, that's wonderful. ALLEN He is a writer and he owns a business. ELLA So what is his business? ALLEN Well, he makes books. ELLA Books? ALLEN Yes, and he makes all different kinds of books. He is not only a writer, but a publisher. ELLA That's wonderful! I love books. ALLEN He also makes a lot of money. ELLA Money? Oh, yes. Money. ALLEN His name is Evan. I'm not sure how you pronounce his last name. Hands ELLA a book with Evan’s name on it. ELLA (nervous) Let me see, how do you pronounce it? ALLEN Hell, I'm not even sure how to say it. He's French and the first part of his name is pronounced 'Ree.' ELLA I think I know how to say his name. It's pronounced 'Reese' or maybe 'Ray-Zay.' ALLEN Yeah, that's how I pronounce it. ELLA It's a little fancy for me, but I'll try to remember it. ALLEN I would like you to meet him. ELLA I'd love to meet him! ALLEN Why don't I bring him here for lunch? ELLA Yes, that would be wonderful! ALLEN I'll ask him here tomorrow. ELLA Wonderful. ALLEN I’ll call him right now. ALLEN exits ELLEN I'm afraid I'm in trouble. Allen is bringing his rich friend here to meet me, but I don't have anything to wear. ALICE I know you want to fit in, but you have to be yourself. And you're better than all of those snobby people who go to parties and think that everybody has to be rich and act all high class. ELLEN I'm just worried that Allen will forget about me. And I don't want him to meet someone who is more like him. ALICE You don't have to be rich to be nice. He should just love you for who you are. And he'll love you even more if you are comfortable in your own skin. ELLEN I don't think so. And I'm not comfortable in my own skin. ALICE So then don't be comfortable in your own skin. Why don't you go and put on a dress and a hat. ELLEN I don't think they have dresses and hats at the big houses. They only have fancy clothes. I'll never fit in. ALICE You just have to be you. He will love you just the way you are. ALLEN enters ALLEN Ella, I just spoke with Evan. Instead of lunch tomorrow, he has invited me to a party. Your shift is over. Would you like to go to the party with me tonight? ELLA Where is the party? ALLEN It's at Evan's house. ELLA Evan’s mansion? ALLEN He's very rich, and he has a huge house. ELLA Well, Allen, can't you tell him that I don't fit in his social class? ALLEN Ella, I want you to come to the party with me. You can't say "no." ELLA I don't think I have the right clothes. ALLEN I can buy you some new clothes. What do you want me to buy you? ELLA Nothing. I don't want to wear new clothes. ALLEN Ella, you are coming to the party with me. ELLA Allen, what if you leave me for a rich girl? ALLEN Ella, that will never happen. I will never leave you. You really should come with me to the party tonight. ELLA I don’t know… ALLEN Come on Ella, you're not mad at me, are you? ELLA It's not about being mad Allen. I'm just not the type of person to hang out with your new friends. ALLEN You're wrong. You would fit in just fine. ELLA I don't want to be at a party where no one knows me. I don't know how to act in that type of situation. ALLEN Just relax, have some fun, and be yourself. ELLA But Allen, that's exactly what I'm trying not to be. ALLEN Why don't you come just to show me that you're not mad at me? ELLA I'm not mad at you Allen. I'm not mad at anyone. I'm just trying to make my life better and that's all I care about right now. ALLEN If that's the way you want to do it, then that's what I'm going to have to respect. But I really do wish you were coming with me. ELLA Thank you Allen, but I’m just not sure. ALLEN Are you okay? ELLA Yeah. ALLEN Are you sure? ELLA I'm sure. ALLEN That's good. Listen, if you don't want to go, we don't have to go. We can hang here, I'll get another drink, we can hang out, or we can stay home. ELLA I want to meet your friend. ALLEN It's not like we have anything else going on. ELLA I want to. ALLEN Yeah? ELLA Yeah. ALLEN Well, if you want to go, I want you to go. ELLA But, Allen, I don't know how to dress. ALLEN Ella, it's me. ELLA But, they're all rich. I can't fit in. ALLEN I told you, Evan's friends are cool. I'm telling you, you don't have to be nervous. ELLA I'm not nervous, I'm worried. ALLEN Why are you worried? ELLA Because I'm worried about fitting in. ALLEN You don't have to fit in, Ella. ELLA What do you mean, I don't have to fit in? ALLEN I just mean, if they have a problem with you, then they're the problem. ELLA Allen, I'm wearing one of your t-shirts and a pair of your jeans. And I have no money to buy any new clothes. I'm going to be sitting there in the same exact clothes that I wear everyday. I'm telling you, I can't go. ALLEN Ella, you're my best friend, why would I do anything to embarrass you? ELLA But, Allen, you're a teacher, and I'm a waitress, I'm telling you, I can't go to this party. ALLEN Ella, they're my new friends. It's a party, and I want you to be there. ELLA Allen, Evan is a millionaire. He lives in a mansion. I can't dress like that. ALLEN Ella, I can't believe you're making me choose between you and my friend. ELLA I'm not making you choose between me and your friend, I'm just explaining to you why I can't go. Allen, I'm not trying to be rude, I just want you to understand. ALLEN Look, I'm not trying to be rude either, Ella. I just want you to understand that I want you to go. ELLA Well, maybe I should go home then. ALLEN Ella, why do you want to go home? ELLA Because, it's clear that you want to go to the party more than you want to be with me. ALLEN Ella, it's a party. I'm not asking you to go, I'm inviting you. ELLA I'm your best friend, Allen. ALLEN And I invited my best friend. You're my best friend, Ella. ELLA But, Allen, I'm telling you, I can't go. I can't fit in. I can't dress like that. ALLEN So, you're telling me, that Evan's going to let you in his house and he's going to let me in his house, but he's not going to let you in his house because you don't have any fancy clothes. Is that what you're telling me? ELLA Yes, that's exactly what I'm telling you. He's a millionaire. ALLEN Ella, you're my best friend, you're my best friend. I would never disrespect you. ELLA But, you did, Allen. You did disrespect me. ALLEN I disrespected you? ELLA Yes, you did. Because, now it's clear to me that I mean less to you than your friend does. ALLEN You don't mean less to me than my friend does. I love you. ELLA Then prove it. ALLEN Prove what? ELLA Prove that I'm more important to you than your friend. ALLEN Ella, I'm a teacher, and you're a waitress. I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to prove that. ELLA Then, Allen, prove it. ALLEN Ella, I am trying to prove it. I am trying to prove to you that I am the guy that I have been. ELLA You're not the guy that I have been. ALLEN Why? ELLA Because, I feel like you're embarrassed to be with me. ALLEN You feel like I'm embarrassed to be with you? ELLA Yes. ALLEN You're my best friend, and I am not embarrassed to be with you. I'm not embarrassed to be with you. I'm not. ELLA I feel like I mean less to you than your friend does. ALLEN Ella, I love you. You're my best friend. Why don't you just trust me? ELLA Allen, I have to go home. ALLEN Ella, don't go home. ELLA Allen, I have to go home. ALLEN Ella, please don't go home. ELLA I can't stay here. ALLEN Ella, please, don't leave. ELLA Allen, I have to go home. ALLEN Please, don't leave. ELLA I'm sorry, Allen, but I have to go home. ALLEN Ella, I'm telling you, I can't stay with you. ELLA So, you're telling me that you love me, and you're telling me that you care about me, but you want me to stay home, and you want me to be alone, and you want to go to the party without me? ALLEN Ella, please, don't go home. ELLA Allen, I'm telling you. I love you. ALLEN Ella, please, don't go home. ELLA Allen, I love you. Just go to your party. ALLEN leaves ALICE approached Ella with a snack ALICE Ella, have a bite to eat. ELLA No, I'm not hungry. ALICE You have to eat. ELLA I can't. ALICE C'mon. ELLA begins to cry. ALICE What's the matter? ELLA (Crying) Allen… doesn't… ALICE I understand. ELLA stops crying ALICE Are you okay? ELLA Yeah. ALICE Are you sure? ELLA I'm sure. ALICE Okay. But if you ever need me, I'm here. ELLA I know. Thank you. ALICE You're welcome. I love you. ELLA I love you too. ELLA and ALICE exit SFX Party music plays faintly in the background ALLEN and EVAN enter, we are at Evan’s party EVAN Come on Allen, drink up. ALLEN I think I will, Evan. EVAN Is there anyone here you know? ALLEN No. EVAN Why do you look so down? ALLEN My girlfriend. EVAN What about her? ALLEN I don’t know… EVAN Come on let's get you a drink. ALLEN I will. EVAN Come on, let's go. SCRIPTS RUNS OUT HERE - REST OF PLAY IS IMPROVISED BY ACTORS Plays by Bots: The Black Unicorn Plays by Bots: The Black Unicorn Title: Plays by Bots: The Black Unicorn Gretta is a peasant from Bridge-End who has a trusty pet dragon named Nugget. Bridge-End is tormented by a wizard who smells really bad. Gretta gets the upper hand using brains and brilliance. GRETTA is a peasant girl from Bridge-End NUGGET is Gretta’s pet dragon, afraid of cats GRISHA is a wizard, has an odor problem HILDA is Gretta's friend, owns a cat. Gretta’s farmstead is just outside the town of Bridge-End. Her farm is surrounded by a hedge of roses. There is a barn, a well, and a chicken coop. NUGGET enters NUGGET (to the audience, as a sort of narrator) Oh, hello! My name is Nugget and I am a dragon. I live with my friend Gretta in her farm on the edge of town. Yup, just me and Gretta. I know that it is a little bit strange for a dragon to be a pet, but you see the thing is, there aren’t many normal pets left. Especially cats. Ugh… I don’t even like saying that word. A long time ago, there used to be lots of cats, but not so much today. And without cats to help out on the farm it is up to Nugget the dragon to do the cat things, like chase away the mice, play with strings, and take long naps in the sun. (Yawns) In fact, I think it is time for a cat-nap, I mean dragon-nap. NUGGET exits GRETTA enters and begins to work, doing farm things, when GRISHA, the WIZARD arrives in a cloud of smoke. WIZARD (Really pronouncing her name) Gretta... Come here, Gretta. GRETTA Why? WIZARD To hear my plan. GRETTA I’m in no mood to hear a wizard’s plan. WIZARD Why not? GRETTA You have a very bad smell. WIZARD I can’t help that. I’m a wizard. GRETTA Well, maybe you are. But I just want you to know that I think there is something about you that’s not very likable. WIZARD Gretta! Why are you being so stubborn? GRETTA I’m not being stubborn. I’m just being Gretta. WIZARD You need to come here. I need to tell you about my plan! GRETTA (Gretta walks closer) You’re a little bit of an old fart, but I don’t mind your smell. I want you to know that I don’t mind your smell. WIZARD Thank you, Gretta. I’ve never heard a nicer compliment in all my days. GRETTA Well, it’s the truth. WIZARD Will you come here now so I can tell you my plan? GRETTA No. WIZARD Oh, Gretta! Come here, please. GRETTA No. WIZARD Come here, Gretta! GRETTA No! WIZARD Come here, Gretta! GRETTA Oh, all right. GRETTA grabs the wizard, spins him around, and gives him a boot off stage. WIZARD Gretta! GRISHA the WIZARD exits. GRETTA Good riddance! GRETTA exits in the opposite direction. NUGGET enters, having awoken from his nap. NUGGET That’s Grisha the Wizard. He doesn’t live in Bridge-End, he lives in a tower in the hills, but he’s always hanging around. Most people say he is friendly, but Gretta thinks he is a trickster. HILDA enters with a cat in her arms. NUGGET This is Hilda, she is Gretta’s friend. Hilda is younger than Gretta, but has a very kind heart. She is always trying to help out, or care for injured animals. One time she even helped me when my wing was sore. I wonder who she is helping today? NUGGET looks at the animal in Hilda’s arms. Gets scared, screams, and runs away. HILDA sits down and begins to play with the cat. GRISHA the WIZARD enters, rubbing his bum. WIZARD (Noticing the cat, he pauses and chuckles) That’s great! I’ve never seen a cat like that before! HILDA He’s mine. I just got him. WIZARD Got him? From where? HILDA I found him. He came to me. He’s special. WIZARD He could be lost. Why not let me help you? HILDA You would help me? WIZARD Of course! I am your friend. HILDA You are my friend… WIZARD The cat could belong to anyone. HILDA I suppose. WIZARD He could belong to me. GRISHA the WIZARD approaches the cat. HILDA Oh, he’s not yours! You can’t fool me with a thing like that. HILDA scoops up the cat and runs off stage. WIZARD I need to get that cat. GRISHA the WIZARD exits as NUGGET enters NUGGET Is he gone? Oh, good. I wish I were more brave. GRETTA enters. NUGGET Like Gretta! Gretta is the bravest person I know. She’s strong, smart, and very clever. GRETTA Nugget? What did I just see? NUGGET Um… I think it was a cat. GRETTA Yes, I think you are right. NUGGET I don’t like cats. HILDA enters carrying her cat. GRETTA Hilda, come in. (She gestures and Hilda walks in) HILDA A cat. NUGGET Is this a trick? GRETTA No, no, it’s not a trick. I think the cat is responsible for your fear. NUGGET (Acting tough) I’m not afraid of cats. I just don’t like them. GRETTA You’re afraid. HILDA Yes, you are. NUGGET Yes, I am. But, how could I be? I’ve never really even seen a cat. HILDA Because you’re a dragon. GRETTA And dragon’s are terrified of cats. HILDA brings the cat near NUGGET’s nose NUGGET Get that cat out of here. HILDA See, you’re afraid of cats. NUGGET Then why did you bring it here? HILDA Grisha, the smelly wizard, saw me with him. He tried to trick me. But this is my cat. But I know he wants him. GRETTA We won’t let him take your cat. Right, Nugget? GRETTA, HILDA and her cat exit. NUGGET I guess I can help, even though I don’t know how, and I’m a little scared. Maybe I won’t have to do anything! Maybe Grisha, the smelly old wizard, will just leave us alone. Right? Maybe… NUGGET exits while GRISHA, the WIZARD enters. WIZARD (Pronouncing her name) Gretta…. Gah! She calls me a very old and nasty smelling wizard. Well, she won’t have much to say once I take over her town. The only reason I haven’t is because of a spell that prevents me from doing so as long as there are cats in the town. I’ve managed to get rid of almost all of them, but still I am too weak to enter the center of town. Gah… the wizard is too weak! But I cannot resist. I haven’t been able to sleep in twenty years. That’s why I have been torturing the town and taking their cats for twenty years. I am so close to having the town, but when I see a cat, my will is drained away. But I have a plan. Oh yes… it will take an hour, maybe less. But I have a plan. GRISHA, the WIZARD exits, while HILDA enters and begins to play with her cat. Then GRISHA the WIZARD appears. WIZARD (He reaches into his pocket) Hello friend, look at what I have here. A present. HILDA What is that? WIZARD It is a nut. HILDA I thought it was a gem. I do not know how to eat gems. WIZARD Yes, it is a nut. I am very old. You are very young. HILDA I do not understand. WIZARD I know about nuts and gems. Maybe you should just try and eat it. HILDA (She takes the nut and eats it) It’s a peanut. WIZARD (He walks toward the cat) It has been a pleasure to meet you. I’m sure your mother and father are very proud. HILDA Yes, they are. (HILDA falls asleep.) NUGGET enters on stage in time to see GRISHA the WIZARD WIZARD Ah ha! At last, I am going to get that cat. (Grisha picks up the cat and runs away) NUGGET Oh no! I don’t like cats, but I have to get that cat. NUGGET exits after Grisha the Wizard. GRETTA enters and sees HILDA on the ground. She wakes her up. GRETTA Hilda, Look! The wizard! He’s running away! HILDA And behind them, it’s your dragon, Nugget! GRETTA The wizard looks like he is carrying something. HILDA My cat! GRETTA What is it about the cats? HILDA That’s what we need to find out. GRETTA Why did you let him take your cat? I thought you were my friend, but you’re a friend of the wizard. HILDA I still am your friend. I was friends with the wizard. He said we were friends. GRETTA Why? HILDA I don’t know. He looks sad. I think he’s lonely. GRETTA No wonder! He’s a wizard! Who would be his friend? HILDA I’d be his friend. GRETTA I think he smells. HILDA Yes, it’s just the smell of magic. It can be a bit strong, that’s all. GRETTA We’ll have to do something, won’t we? HILDA What? GRETTA We can’t let the wizard keep your cat. HILDA We’ll have to sneak into his tower. GRETTA We’ll need to be careful. He’s a wizard! He’ll turn us into toads. HILDA He won’t. He’s my friend. GRETTA That’s what he said to you. HILDA What? GRETTA He said you were friends. HILDA (confused) I don’t understand. GRETTA Hilda, you and the wizard aren’t friends. Friends don’t steal from each other. Even if he said you were friends you aren’t friends. HILDA (suspicious) Really? GRETTA Yes. HILDA Well, are we friends? GRETTA Yes, we are friends. HILDA Oh, I think I get it. One thing is obvious. GRETTA What? HILDA You don’t like wizards. GRETTA No, I don’t. SCRIPTS RUNS OUT HERE - REST OF PLAY IS IMPROVISED BY ACTORS Plays by Bots: The Man at the Bar Plays by Bots: The Man at the Bar Title: Plays by Bots: The Man at the Bar Gretta is a peasant from Bridge-End who has a trusty pet dragon named Nugget. Bridge-End is tormented by a wizard who smells really bad. Gretta gets the upper hand using brains and brilliance. TEDDY is an orphan. Teddy is a gifted lounge singer. ROSIE is Gerald’s wife. Rosie is a regular at the bar. GERALD is Rosie’s husband. Gerald is quite wealthy. LOLA is Rosie’s sister. Lola is a manager at the bar. The Pool Pit is a small bar located inside a pool hall. The walls are covered with large photographs of local pool champions. The bar's logo is a man leaping over a pool table to shoot a billiard ball. The bar itself is a long counter, with a TV playing the evening news. A small stage stands in the corner of the bar where Teddy will sing. The floor is dirty, and tables are broken. The club is filled with smoke and the smell of beer. TEDDY is on-stage while LOLA works the bar. ROSIE is sitting at a table. TEDDY This one goes out to the big guy with the two-toned shoes. (lounge singing) This is a hell of a town, a hell of a town. It's got a lot of people here. It's got a lot of noise here. It's got a lot of bars here. My God, what a dump! It's a wonder I'm still here after fifteen years. I think I'll give it up. (finished singing) Thank you, thank you so much. (TEDDY picks up his glass of whisky, takes a sip, puts it down, pauses, sinks back in the chair, stares ahead of him.) LOLA goes over to ROSIE LOLA He's a bit strange, old Teddy. ROSIE No, he's a good man. LOLA He's very lonely, all by himself. ROSIE Isn't everybody? LOLA Yes, but some more than others. ROSIE He doesn't need anybody. He’s got a talent, he’s an artist. LOLA That's not enough, Rosie. You're here alone again? ROSIE I'm here for the first time in ten days, and I'm alone. LOLA Where's your husband? ROSIE Oh, I don't know. Someplace. LOLA I'll bring you a beer. ROSIE Thanks. LOLA returns to the bar, near TEDDY. TEDDY Hoo-Hoo! What a night! This is what it's all about, the Pool Pit in action! LOLA Come on, Teddy. Put on your jacket. I'm locking up. TEDDY What? C’mon, this place is about to come alive. I can feel it. LOLA Teddy, everyone’s gone. It’s just me and my sister. TEDDY I want to put something down before I leave. It's something special. LOLA What's this? You're not going to be leaving in a few minutes? TEDDY That's right. I'm staying. LOLA You can't. I'm locking up. I'm not working another late night shift. TEDDY I'm staying. I'm putting down a song. LOLA A song? TEDDY Yeah. It's a special song. I'm gonna sing this song. LOLA I don't understand. You're not gonna sing this song here, are you? TEDDY You bet I am. LOLA I'm not working no more late nights. TEDDY The song, Lola. It's gonna be put down. LOLA Teddy. I love you. I love you like a brother. You're my friend. You're my brother. We've shared a lot of laughs. We've been through a lot. It's been very special. But I’ve got to lock up. TEDDY Just give me five minutes. LOLA Fine. I’ve got to check the kitchen anyway. LOLA exits TEDDY (lounge singing) It's all over now, gang. I think that's all for tonight. And now if you'll all clear out, thank you very much, we can get the place cleaned up for next week. So if you could all leave now, and keep the party going next week, that would be great. (finished singing) ROSIE applauds as she makes her way over to TEDDY. TEDDY Hello, Rosie. ROSIE Hello. TEDDY I've missed you. ROSIE Have you? Have you? I'm happy to be back. TEDDY Is he here? ROSIE Who? TEDDY Your husband. ROSIE He's away. He's away. TEDDY You look beautiful tonight, Rosie. ROSIE Do I? TEDDY Do you? ROSIE Yes. TEDDY I'm glad to see you again. I've missed you. ROSIE I'm glad you've missed me. Are you happy to see me now? TEDDY Yes. ROSIE I'm happy too. I'm very happy. TEDDY Would you care to dance? GERALD enters, as TEDDY notices him he backs off and moves towards LOLA as she returns. GERALD (to ROSIE) Honey, I'm home. TEDDY (to LOLA) Rosie's husband’s here, Gerald, he's a bit tipsy. LOLA (to GERALD) You can't come in here. The place is closed. I'm closing up. ROSIE (to GERALD) You're late. I thought you knew we were going out. GERALD You're early. I don't like to go out so early. It's not nice. TEDDY Well, I'm just going to go back to the dressing room. TEDDY exits ROSIE Oh, I'm just going to get another drink. GERALD Well, I can do with a drink. LOLA Well, so much for that. ROSIE It's going to be a long night. GERALD I can't believe I got here on time. This place has really changed since the last time I was here. From off stage we can hear TEDDY, he is singing TEDDY (lounge singing) I'm a lone wolf, A rolling stone, The last of the roving bachelors. I've traveled the world In search of a girl Who'd understand this rover. (pauses singing) GERALD Who is that? ROSIE That’s Teddy. TEDDY (continues to lounge sing) And then one day When I passed this way, I saw you on your doorstep. You looked at me And I looked at you. And the world suddenly became mine. (finished singing) GERALD Where is that coming from? ROSIE The dressing rooms. GERALD He doesn't go home at night, does he? ROSIE What do you mean? GERALD No, he just hangs around here. I bet he sleeps in his dressing room. LOLA That’s enough. GERALD I bet he didn't clean the men's room today, either. LOLA You bastard! GERALD How the hell does he get his pay, then? LOLA (She picks up a glass) ROSIE I have a new hat. GERALD You do? ROSIE It's my birthday. GERALD Of course, happy birthday. ROSIE I'm very happy. GERALD Well... ROSIE This is one of the happiest days of my life. GERALD Is that so. ROSIE I hope you're happy too. GERALD Naturally. ROSIE And I have a new hat. GERALD I know. ROSIE I look beautiful in it. GERALD Yes, you look beautiful in it. ROSIE Did you get me a present? GERALD Not yet. ROSIE Did you forget? GERALD I was busy. ROSIE I think I'll go home. GERALD All right. ROSIE I don't feel well. GERALD If you don't feel well, go home. ROSIE I think I'm going to be sick. GERALD Well, go home and be sick. ROSIE Will you take me home? GERALD Of course. ROSIE Now? GERALD No. ROSIE You don't seem to care whether I go home or stay here. GERALD I don't care. ROSIE Then I'll go. GERALD Good. ROSIE (pause) I'll always love you. GERALD (mock) Yeah. ROSIE (pause) And I'll always remember you. GERALD Yeah. ROSIE I've got to go. GERALD All right. ROSIE (softly, as she leaves) Good night. GERALD Good night. ROSIE (as she leaves, out loud) Good night, everybody. ROSIE exits LOLA I hope you didn't forget to get her a birthday present. GERALD No, I didn't forget. LOLA What did you get her? GERALD A pair of earrings. LOLA How pretty. GERALD Yes. LOLA She doesn’t like to wear earrings. GERALD She will like to wear these. LOLA Why? GERALD They're very nice. LOLA They're beautiful? GERALD Yes. LOLA Who's your new girl? GERALD What do you mean? LOLA I saw you with a girl. GERALD She's no girl. LOLA What do you mean? GERALD She's a young woman. LOLA She looked very young. GERALD She's twenty-seven. LOLA That's young. GERALD It's not young. LOLA I saw her here the other night. GERALD And the night before. LOLA Who is she? GERALD I told you. LOLA Where did you meet her? GERALD At the office. LOLA Is she a model? GERALD No. LOLA What does she do? GERALD Nothing. LOLA I don't like her. GERALD You don't know her. LOLA I don't like her. GERALD That's too bad. LOLA Do you like her? GERALD I like her all right. LOLA That's nice. GERALD Yes. LOLA Are you going to have an affair with her? GERALD What's the difference? LOLA I think you should go home. GERALD Why? LOLA Why do you think? GERALD I have to stay at the office. LOLA When are you planning on going home? GERALD When I'm through. LOLA goes back to the bar as TEDDY enters and sings TEDDY (lounge singing) This is a hell of a town, a hell of a town. It's so lonesome. I don't like it. The only thing I like is this bar. (finished singing) GERALD Hello, Teddy! TEDDY (Teddy crosses to him) Hello, Gerald. GERALD I know who you are. TEDDY (proudly) I am Teddy, the singer. GERALD Are you the boss? TEDDY No… GERALD How do you like my car? It's new. TEDDY I’m sure it’s beautiful. GERALD You can't beat a Mercedes. TEDDY No, you can't. GERALD Well, that's all, kid. TEDDY I'm sorry for you, Gerald. GERALD You're a wise guy, Teddy. TEDDY That's right, Gerald. That's right. I'm sorry for you, Gerald. I'm very sorry. GERALD You're a wise guy. You're a wise guy. TEDDY It's all over now, over and done with. GERALD What do you know about it? TEDDY It's over, anyway. GERALD It's only the beginning. TEDDY It's the beginning, huh? GERALD You don't seem so happy. TEDDY I'm happy, all right. GERALD You don't seem so happy. TEDDY I am, I am, I am happy. I'm going to be very happy. I am going to be a great success. GERALD You're going to be a great success. I'm going to be a great success. We're all going to be a great success. TEDDY You've been drinking, Gerald. GERALD So have you. TEDDY Yeah, I've had a few. GERALD You're drunk. TEDDY No, I'm not. GERALD I'll tell you one thing. TEDDY Yeah? GERALD I'm sick and tired of it. TEDDY What are you sick and tired of, Gerald? GERALD You. TEDDY What do you mean, me? GERALD You know what I'm talking about. TEDDY No, I don't know what you're talking about. GERALD You're not going to play dumb with me. TEDDY I'm not playing dumb with you. GERALD I want my money. TEDDY I'm not going to discuss it with you, Gerald. GERALD You’re going to discuss it with somebody. TEDDY You're wasting your breath, Gerald. GERALD I'm not wasting my breath. TEDDY Why do you want to embarrass me in front of everybody? GERALD I'll embarrass you anyway I want to. TEDDY I don’t understand you. GERALD You don't? You can't be that stupid. TEDDY I'll be what I am, Gerald, and you'll be what you are. GERALD You son of a bitch! I'll sue you! You'll pay for this! I'm not going to take any more shit from you! TEDDY You're going to take a lot more from me, Gerald. GERALD What's that supposed to mean? TEDDY Just what I said. GERALD I'm warning you, Teddy. You'd better be careful. TEDDY I don't know why you're so worried, Gerald. GERALD What? TEDDY You're a rich man. GERALD What the hell has that got to do with anything? TEDDY I think your father-in-law will take care of you. GERALD What are you talking about? TEDDY Aren't you his son-in-law? GERALD Yes, I am. TEDDY Well, I'm sure he'll take care of you. GERALD What do you mean, he'll take care of me? TEDDY That's his business. GERALD Stop this! Stop it! What are you getting at? TEDDY Just what I said. Your father-in-law will take care of you. GERALD I don't get you. I don't get you. TEDDY Gerald, Gerald, Gerald. (He turns away.) GERALD I'll sue you. TEDDY I don't think you will, Gerald. You're not going to sue anybody. GERALD I will. TEDDY Why are you going to sue me? GERALD Because I'm not going to take any shit from you. TEDDY You're taking it from me right now. GERALD You son of a bitch! And I'm not in the habit of being stolen from by my own cousin. LOLA Your cousin? GERALD I'm Teddy's cousin. Didn’t you know? TEDDY This is gonna be a hell of a day. SCRIPTS RUNS OUT HERE - REST OF PLAY IS IMPROVISED BY ACTORS This paper is available on arxiv under CC 4.0 license. This paper is available on arxiv under CC 4.0 license. available on arxiv