How to Write Clearly: Rules and Exercises on English Composition by Edwin Abbott Abbott, is part of the HackerNoon Books Series. You can jump to any chapter in this book here. BURNET.
BURNET.
The principal faults in Burnet's style are (a) the use of heterogeneous sentences (see 43); (b) the want of suspense (see 30); (c) the ambiguous use of pronouns (see 5); (d) the omission of connecting adverbs and conjunctions, and an excessive use of and (see 44); and (e) an abruptness in passing from one topic to another (see 45). The correction of these faults necessarily lengthens the altered version.
ORIGINAL VERSION. PARALLEL VERSION.
And his maintaining the honour of He also gratified the English
the nation in all foreign feeling of self-respect by
countries gratified the (1) maintaining the honour of the
vanity which is very naturalnation in all foreign countries.
(50)to Englishmen; (30) (43) of So jealous was he on this point
which he wasso (15) (17 a) that, though he was not a crowned
carefulthat, though he was not head, he yet secured for his
a crowned head, yet his (40a) ambassadors all the respect that
ambassadors had all the respects had been paid to the ambassadors
paid them which our (15)kings'of our kings. The king, he said,
ambassadors ever had: he said (6 received respect simply as the
b) the dignity of the crown nation's representative head,
was upon the account of the and, since the nation was the
nation,of which the king wassame, the same respect should
(50)only the representative be paid to the[28] nation's
head; so, the nation being the ministers.
same, he would have the same
regards paid to (41) his
ministers.
Another[29] instance of (5) this The following instance of jealousy pleased him much. Blake with the for the national honour pleased fleet happened (50) to be at him much. When Blake was at Malaga Malaga before he made war upon with his fleet, before his war Spain: (44) and some of his with Spain, it happened that some seamen went ashore, and met the of his sailors going ashore and Host carried about; (44) and not meeting the procession of the only paid no respect to it, but Host, not only paid no respect to laughed at those who did; (43) it, but even laughed at those who (30) (51) so one of the priests did. Incited by one of the priests put the people upon resenting this to resent the indignity, the indignity; and they fell upon people fell on the scoffers and (5) them and beat them severely. beat them severely. On their When they returned to their ship return to the ship the seamen (5) they complained of (5) complained of this ill-usage, this usage; and upon that Blake whereupon Blake sent a messenger sent a trumpet to the viceroy to to the viceroy to demand the demand the priest who was the priest who was the instigator of chief (1) instrument in that the outrage. The viceroy answered ill-usage. The viceroy answered that he could not touch him, as he he had no authority over the had no authority over the priests. (15) priests, and so could not To this Blake replied, that he did dispose of him. Blake upon that not intend to inquire to whom the sent him word that he would not authority belonged, but, if the inquire who had the (1) power to priest were not sent within three send the priest to him, but if hours, he would burn the town. The he were not sent within three townspeople being in no condition hours, he would burn their town; to resist, the priest was at once (43) and (5) they, being in no sent. On his arrival, he defended condition to resist him, sent himself, alleging the insolence of the priest to him, (43) (44) who the sailors. But the English (50) justified himself upon the Admiral replied that a complaint petulant behaviour of the seamen. should have been forwarded to him, and then he would have punished (44) Blake answered that, if (5) them severely, for none of his he had sent a complaint to (5) sailors should be allowed to him of(5) it, (5) he would affront the established religion have punished them severely, since of any place where they touched. (5) he would not suffer his "But," he added, "I take it ill men to affront the established that you should set on your religion of any place at which (5) countrymen to do my work; for I he touched; but (5) (6) he will have all the world know that took it ill, that he set on the an Englishman is only to be Spaniards to do (5) it; for he punished, by an Englishman." Then, would have all the world to know satisfied with having had the (50) that an Englishman was only to be offender at his mercy, Blake punished by an Englishman; (43) entertained him civilly and sent (44) and so he treated the priest him back. civilly, and sent him back (30), being satisfied that he had him at his mercy.
Cromwell was much delighted with Cromwell was much delighted with (5) this, (43) and read the Blake's conduct. Reading the letters in council with great letters in council with great satisfaction; and said he (6) satisfaction, he said, "I hope I hoped he should make the name of shall make the name of an an Englishman as great as ever Englishman as much respected as that of a Roman (15 a) had ever was the name of Roman." been. (44) The States of Holland Among other countries the States were in such dread of (5) him that of Holland were in such dread of they took care to give him no sort Cromwell that they took care to of umbrage; (43) (44) and when give him no sort of umbrage. at any time the king or his Accordingly, whenever the king or brothers came to see their sister his brothers came to see the the Princess Royal, (23) within a Princess Royal their sister, they day or two after, (5) they used were always warned in a day or two to send a deputation to let them by a deputation that Cromwell had know that Cromwell had required of required of the States to give the States that (5) they should them no harbourage. give them no harbour.
* * * * * * * * * *
Cromwell's favourite alliance was The free kingdom of Sweden was Sweden.[30] (44) Carolus Gustavus Cromwell's favourite ally; not and he lived in great conjunction only under Charles Gustavus, with of counsels. (44) Even Algernon whom he was on most confidential Sydney, (10 a) who was not terms, but also under Christina. inclined to think or speak well of Both these sovereigns had just kings, commended him (5) to me; notions of public liberty; at and said he (5) had just least, Algernon Sydney, a man notions of public liberty; (44) certainly not prejudiced in favour (43) and added, that Queen of royalty, assured me this was Christina seemed to have them true of Gustavus. He also held the likewise. But (44) she was same opinion of Queen Christina; much changed from that, when but, if so, she was much changed I waited on her at Rome; for when I waited on her at Rome; for she complained of us as a factious she then complained of the factious nation, that did not readily and unruly spirit of our nation. comply with the commands (47 a) of our princes. (44) All Italy All Italy, no less than trembled at the name of Cromwell, Holland,[31] trembled at the name and seemed under a (1) panic as of Cromwell, and dreaded him till long as he lived; (43) his fleet he died. Nor durst the Turks scoured the Mediterranean; and the offend the great (50) Protector Turks durst not offend him; but whose fleet scoured the delivered up Hyde, who kept up the Mediterranean; and they even gave character of an ambassador from up Hyde, who, for keeping up in the king there (23) (43), and was Turkey the character of ambassador brought over and executed for (5) from the king, was brought to it. England and executed.
(44) (11 a) The puttingthe In another instance of severity
brother of the king of Portugal's towards foreigners—the execution
ambassador to death for murder, of the brother of the Portuguese
was (11a) carryingjustice ambassador for murder—Cromwell
very far; (43) since, though in carried justice very far. For,
the strictness of the law of though in strictness the law of
nations, it is only the nations exempts from foreign
ambassador's own person that is jurisdiction the ambassador alone,
exempted from (4)any authorityyet in practice the exemption has
(47a) but his master's that extended to the whole of the
sends him, yet the practice has ambassador's suite.
gone in favour ofall that the
ambassador owned (47 a) to Successful abroad, Cromwell was no
belong to him. (41) (44) Cromwell less successful at home in
showed his good (11) selecting able and worthy men for
understandingin nothing more public duties, especially for the
than in seeking[32] out capable courts of law. In nothing did he
and worthy men for all employments, show more clearly his great
but most particularly for the natural insight, and nothing
courts of law, (43) (30a) contributed more to his popularity.
(10a) which gave a general
satisfaction.
FOOTNOTES:
[28] The meaning is "his, and therefore the nation's, ministers." There is a kind of antithesis between "the nation" and "the nation's ministers."
[29] No instance has yet been mentioned.
[30] The thought that is implied, and should be expressed, by the words, is this: "Cromwell's favourite ally was a free country."
[31] The remarks about Christina are a digression, and Burnet is now returning to the respect in which Cromwell was held by foreign nations.
[32] He not only sought, but sought successfully. That "find" is not necessarily implied by "seek out" seems proved by the use of the word in the Authorized Version, 2 Tim. ii. 17: "He sought me out very diligently, and found me."
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