For over a year now, I’ve had this document in my bookmarks toolbar.
I hoped that I would never have to complete it. But unfortunately, today I did.
If Humans Could Talk
If humans could talk, I’d ask you why I’m the only one in this house that has to pee outside. It just kind of seems unfair, doesn’t it?
If we could talk, I would have introduced myself the first time we met through the glass pane of that pet shop. You kept tapping on the glass, like you wanted to shake my paw or something. I was a little annoyed because you could see that I was sleeping and you kept tapping anyway. But you and your family looked nice, so I came up to the glass to say hello.
Hey, I said. I’m trying to sleep, so could you knock that off?
“Oh he’s so cute! He’s barking. He wants to play.” One of you said.
I thought you’d understood my message, so I went back to bed and just as I was about to doze off, I felt the cold hands of the shopkeeper pulling me out of the kennel.
Hey! What are you doing?! I yelled. But she wouldn’t put me back down. I licked her face to get her attention. She ignored my plight.
I remember her hands were so cold that I started shivering. Put me down! I said, but she still didn’t listen.
“Here he is,” she said. “He’s just 3 weeks old, so be gentle, ok?”
What are you talking about? I said. And then I saw you again, as she was putting me in your arms. Unlike her, you were incredibly warm. And even though we’d just met, I snuggled into your chest to stop from shivering.
Your fur was soft and inviting. A “hoodie” I heard you call it once. I didn’t know humans could change their fur so easily. Throughout our time together, yours changed almost every day. Not only the color, but the texture as well.
Sorry about this, I said. But I’m freezing. Nice to meet you, I’m--
“He’s shaking,” you said. “He must be scared. What should we call him?”
“How about Simba?” You said. “He’ll be big as a lion one day!”
Lion? Is that your name? Nice to meet you. I’m--
“He won’t be that big, you idiot. He’s half chihuahua.” A girl said. I think someone called her Joy.
“Simba! Simba! Hi Simba!” You seemed to ignore what Joy said.
“Well, whatever. Simba is a good name. Isn’t it Simba?” Joy said.
Your chest was so warm that my eyes started to close on their own. Oh well, I thought. I’ll introduce myself later.
***
If dogs could talk, I’d tell you that good dog means I love you.
When I was 15 years old, we drove back to Winnipeg after a trip to Minneapolis. We stopped at a shopping mall in Fargo to rest and grab a bite.
Just for fun, we decided to stop at the pet shop and look at the puppies. My sisters and I had been asking my mom to let us get a dog for a while. I say that as if we were still little kids, but my sisters were already in college at the time.
Mom always said no, but that day we left the mall with you in my sister’s arms.
When my mom first saw you she fell in love, and that was one of the few miracles I’d experienced in my life.
Up until that day, the sky was blue, 1+1 equaled 2, and my mother would never let us bring a dog into the house. But that day she did.
If dogs could talk, I’d say Good job at looking cute! Because whatever you did worked on her.
On the way home, we thought about what to name you. I forget all the other options now, but I do remember that I was the one that suggested Simba.
Like the Lion King, I said, as if they didn’t already get the reference. It was funny because you were so small. You were nothing like a lion then, except for your heart.
12 Years Later
His heart is too big, Joy said. We’re putting him on medication to shrink his heart back to a healthy size.
I know it’s hard to convey tone over a video call, but she said it matter-of-factly, without a hint of emotion or sadness. She has always been a strong person, but she’s not that strong. She was just being strong for you.
You’re like a son to her, you know? If it hurts this much for me, I can’t imagine how much she’s hurting. We raised you together, but you slept on her bed almost every day. She’s the one who taught you most of your tricks, and took you to the vet when you were feeling sick.
When I moved to Japan, you were only 9 years old or so. We still had a lifetime of walks ahead of us. I imagined that I’d come back and have endless adventures to tell you about, as we walked the same streets and you peed on the same trees.
But life has a way of moving too fast sometimes.
If dogs could talk, I’d say Thank you for listening to my stories. For cheering me up when my heart had been broken. I wish I could fix yours now.
If dogs could talk, I’d ask if you could come to my wedding a year from now. I’d ask if you wouldn’t mind bringing the rings down the aisle. You probably wouldn’t know the answer to that question, anyway.
He has anywhere from a few months to a year left, Joy said.
Life has a way of being too vague sometimes too.
When I told my fiance about your condition, she cried. I know it was immature of me, but I told her that I thought it was unfair that you were sick, when there were bad people in the world who remained healthy.
I told her that you were always good to us, that you always helped us when we needed it. I told her that you were always a good boy every day and that you didn’t deserve to be sick.
Did you know you were the one who told me she was ‘the one’? There were many hints, many moments.
But the most important sign was when you met her for the first time.
Meeting Shoko
If humans could talk, I’d tell you to stop letting stinky strangers into our house. One day you said Simba, I’m bringing my girlfriend Shoko from Japan here and she’s nervous to meet our family, so I need you to be nice to her ok?
Of course, I had no idea what you were talking about but you gave me a treat so I was in a good mood.
You walked to the back door of the house that led to the backyard, so I followed you because I had to pee.
You opened the door and there was a stranger there! I told you not to let stinky strangers into our house, but I smelled her and she smelled really good. She smelled a little bit like you but much softer and kinder.
I could tell she was nervous so I scratched her leg to tell her it was ok. If humans could talk, I would have said It’s ok! Our family is nice you can come inside.
But humans are dumb, so I just rolled over and let her rub my belly.
***
If dogs could talk, I’d tell you that I was thinking about marrying her.
I was worried that you would bark at her and try to bite her when she came inside (like you do with everyone you meet for the first time...and second time…and third time).
When I opened the door, she stood really still because she was scared. You ran out to her and smelled her legs and then you scratched her leg, asking her to pet you, like you’d known her all your life.
That was the first time ever that you didn’t bark at someone new entering our house. She was really nervous meeting our family for the first time of course. But she told me that you really saved her and helped her feel at home. In the morning, you went to her to say good morning, and eventually, you even slept next to her.
I had thought for a long time that she was the one for me. But you were the one that made me know for sure.
If dogs could talk, I’d say thank you for approving her because she’s my wife now.
A Walk to Remember
If humans could talk, I’d tell you to stop putting weird clothes on me. You do see that I have fur right? Imagine wearing a heavy fur coat and then having someone put a dress shirt over that.
It’s for Limarc’s wedding, Joy said. So I thought I’d humor you. Someone called it a tuxedo, and it made my neck itchy.
When I walked into your dressing room, you looked at me and started crying. I thought maybe you were hungry so I looked for some food to give you, but there was nothing on the floor.
There were lots of people in the room that I didn’t know. I walked up to you and you bent down and rubbed my head. Hi! I said. But you kept crying.
What’s wrong? Someone in the room asked.
I prayed every day for 2 years that God would let Simba make it to my wedding and now he’s actually here.
I didn’t know what you said, but I knew you were talking about me. It’s rude to talk about people when they’re in the room, you know?
***
If dogs could talk, I’d have told you that seeing you at my wedding made me believe in miracles again.
I wanted you to be there on the most important day of my life, and you were. What more can I ask for?
You stole some of the bride’s thunder; my first tears came when I saw you walking toward me carrying the rings.
When I was in high school falling in love, getting my heart broken, it was always you who I turned to.
I’d bury my face into your fur and cry, and you’d lie there until I was done. If dogs could talk, I’m sure you’d say Don’t worry, Limarc. It’s gonna be ok.
And you’d be right because today I marry the love of my life, and it’s thanks to you.
Until We Meet Again
If humans could talk, I’d say Sorry, I know you guys want to take a longer walk but I get tired quicker these days.
You realize how short my legs are compared to yours right? I take like 10 steps every time you take one, so cut me some slack.
If humans could talk, I’d tell you to not worry about me. I’m just more sleepy these days so I need to sleep longer than usual. But it’s ok. I love sleeping.
A few days after Limarc’s wedding he hugged me and said You know how much I love you right? You know how happy you made Shoko and I at the wedding right? Please be strong. Mom, dad, Joy, and April need you.
I don’t know what he said, but he seemed sad, so I let him cover his face in my fur.
If humans could talk, I’d say Thanks for visiting, Limarc. Be safe in Japan. I’ll miss you. Come back soon.
***
If dogs could talk, I’d tell you that you were the best thing that ever happened to our family.
We had our differences, our arguments, but one thing that united our family was our love for you.
Simba, today was the hardest day of my life. Every time I visited you, I knew it might be the last time I saw you. I thought I was mentally preparing myself for this for the past two years.
But I wasn’t prepared at all.
I don’t think you understand. You’re not just my brother, or a member of our family. You’re our hope and you remind us of the good in this world.
If dogs could talk, I’d say thank you for accepting us and loving us. You didn’t care if we were rich or poor. You didn’t care if we were beautiful or ugly.
Even when we would punish you for breaking the rules, you’d make up with us and play with us within 5 minutes.
Whether we were having a good day or bad day, every time we came home you ran up to us like you hadn’t seen us in years. You made us feel loved and worthy every day.
Your love made us who we are today.
Your love made us feel safe and made us feel like we could push ourselves, because even if we failed, you’d still be there for us at the end of the day.
If dogs could talk, I’d tell you that you were the best thing that ever happened to our family.
***
If humans could talk, I’d tell you all to stop crying. You all look so sad and it’s making me sad.
I don’t want him to die alone in a hospital, Joy said.
I don’t know what you all are talking about, but don’t cry. I love you guys. Sorry, I’m just really tired right now.
You took turns petting me and hugging me, and you all felt so warm. This is the most warm I’ve ever felt.
April was holding a weird square toy that had Limarc’s face on it. I love you, Simba! You’re ok my boy.
Was that you, Limarc? You look so small in that toy, but I’m happy you’re here.
I don’t know why you are all so sad, but you’re all so different now. Stronger now.
Mom’s hair is a different color. Dad looks skinnier and has less hair. April looks older too. Limarc shaved off all his fur. His head looks like a toy ball.
And Joy. Oh Joy, your arms are warmer than ever.
I saw so many tears on your face, so I tried to lick them and you smiled. Don’t cry, Joy. You’re my best friend, and I always want you to be happy. I know how much you care about me.
Sleeping beside you every day is my favorite thing in the world.
I don’t know why you’re all so sad, but I know that I’m sleepier than I’ve ever been.
I feel like when I fall asleep, I’m not sure how long it’s going to be before I wake up again to play with you guys.
So if that’s why you’re so sad, don’t worry. We’ll have lots of time to play together. Sleep is just sleep. We’ll always wake up somewhere after.
Even if I sleep too long, it’s going to be ok. You can play with each other until I wake up and we’re all together again.
Dad came over and buried his face into my fur. So much water was dripping from his eyes. If humans could talk, I’d say Thanks dad, I was thirsty.
Mom came over and pet my head. She said It’s ok, Simba, you can rest now. We’re going to be ok. Her hand felt so good on my face. If humans could talk, I’d say Thanks mom, I’m really tired and I always feel safe sleeping beside you. Thanks for cutting my fur when it covered my eyes. It helped me see you better.
April came over and said I love you, Simba. She pet me and hugged me and I remembered all the times I slept in her room. If humans could talk, Id say Thanks April. I know you smell more like Sky now than you smell like me. But always remember I was your first dog =P
April held up that toy that had Limarc on it. I could hear Limarc’s voice. He said Simba, Shoko said she loves you so much and she’s going to miss you so much. She says thanks for working so hard to live this long for us. We’re trying to have a baby, so I was hoping you’d stick around for a while and meet your niece or nephew. But it’s ok. Don’t worry, we’ll be ok. I’ll tell them all about you. I’ll tell them all about their Uncle Simba. I love you so much and thank you for everything, ok?
Limarc talked for a long time, while Joy and April cried beside me.
Seriously guys, just smile. I want to see you smile before I go to bed.
If humans could talk, I’d say Thanks Limarc. Playing hide and seek with you, walking around the goose pond, and play fighting with you were my favorite things ever. I’ve missed you and when you came home last time I was so happy to see you. You’ve changed so much, so I didn’t recognize you at first. But when I smelled you my tail wagged like crazy. You’re my best brother and I can’t wait to see what else you become.
I don’t know exactly what you’re all saying or why everyone is so sad. But we’ve all changed so much and you are all even better than when we first met in that shopping mall. I’m so happy that you took me home with you. Our home was much better than that shopping mall.
If humans could talk, maybe I’d be able to convince you to let me go months without taking a bath. Maybe I could convince you that sometimes dog food tastes better than your human food and I could share some of my food with you, since you’re all always so generous and share your food with me.
If humans could talk, I’d say thanks for walking me, petting me, hugging me, and loving me.
If humans could talk, I’d say don’t cry. Just wait and before long we’ll see each other again.
Until we meet again my love, Joy kept saying.
I’m not sure what that means, but if humans could talk, I’d say this isn’t goodbye. I’m just going to sleep for a while. Until we meet again, okay guys?