Interviewing in San Francisco: 3 Bizarre Short Stories  by@lblewisauthor

Interviewing in San Francisco: 3 Bizarre Short Stories

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L.B. Lewis

Award-winning writer. Creator. Nut for cocos. #1 New Release, Humor + Entertainment for SMALL TALK WITH MYSELF.

☝️Real Toilet from a Co-working Space in SFOn Finding my cultural fit in San Francisco...

“Do you have any tattoos?” the recruiter asked me midway through the startup interview that was being held at The Creamery in SOMA, San Francisco since the startup didn’t have an office yet.

“Uh, no, I don’t,” I said confused at the question.

“Well, they really wanted someone with tattoos to match their culture,” the recruiter fired back as if I really wanted the job I would think about a tattoo.

“OK, yeah, I don’t have any, “ I said still confused and wanting to leave.

“Well, you look like a great fit on paper but I’m not sure culturally if its going to be a fit, you know,” she continued.

“I appreciate your time. Thanks,” I got up to leave and waited a few seconds to see if she also would rise to shake my hand.

“Thanks,” she said and maneuvered back to a seated position.


“So, what do you think of our website? And, how could you improve it?” said the startup’s Chief Marketing Officer.

“It’s a great site. Very clean, easy to use,” I said wondering if he knew what the description on Google said about the page and if that was really the culture of this startup.

“OK, anything you’d change?”

“Yes, I’d first look at all the meta description tags because there’s a problem with one page. Can I show you? Or maybe it was a test for this interview?” I asked.

“I’m not sure I know what a meta description tag is or what you’re referring to but can you show me?”

“Yes, if you go to this page you’ll see the description says, ‘[…] was founded by three guys that like to drink beer,’” I read him as I pointed out this hidden gem that should not have been there since it was a clothing site for women.

“Oh, I see. Well, we’ll change that,” he said in a confused way.

He then left his office not saying anything and I sat there alone for about 20 minutes until I realized the interview and my chances were over.


“We’re a dog-friendly office and hope that doesn’t bother you,” said the hiring manager as he took a seat at the table in the conference room.

“Yes, this dog is always here,” chimed in the Argentine HR manager with a thick accent.

I looked over to see an older dog coming into the conference room wagging its tail. This startup interview is off to a great start, I thought.

“I love dogs and think they make the culture more relaxed,” I said taking a seat across from the hiring manager. The HR manager sat at the head and the dog laid down under the table.

“Ok, so can you tell me more about what you’ve been up to? Looks like you were at another startup before?”

“OH MY GODDDD. Does this dog have gas or what?” said the HR manager as everyone looked under the table at the dog who then started wagging its tail.

I waited until everyone looked back at me and smiled. “Yes, I was working at another startup,” I began to say.

“Look, we gotta get this dog out of here,” and the HR woman tried to pull the dog by its collar but it wasn’t moving.

“We’re sorry about the gas. And, well, honestly looking again at your resume, you’re overqualified for this job so we could just keep you in mind for future positions. Thanks for coming in,” said the hiring manager.

“Thanks for your time,” I said as I got up to shake the HR and hiring managers’ hands and quickly left the room with the dog close behind me.


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