Human-Driven Plays Co-Written with Dramatron

Table of Links

Abstract and Intro

Storytelling, The Shape of Stories, and Log Lines

The Use of Large Language Models for Creative Text Generation

Evaluating Text Generated by Large Language Models

Participant Interviews

Participant Surveys

Discussion and Future Work

Conclusions, Acknowledgements, and References

A. RELATED WORK ON AUTOMATED STORY GENERATION AND CONTROLLABLE STORY GENERATION

B. ADDITIONAL DISCUSSION FROM PLAYS BY BOTS CREATIVE TEAM

C. DETAILS OF QUANTITATIVE OBSERVATIONS

D. SUPPLEMENTARY FIGURES

E. FULL PROMPT PREFIXES FOR DRAMATRON

F. RAW OUTPUT GENERATED BY DRAMATRON

G. CO-WRITTEN SCRIPTS

G CO-WRITTEN SCRIPTS

We include 4 scripts co-written by a human playwright and Dramatron as supplementary material. These 4 were produced and presented at The 2022 Edmonton International Fringe Theatre Festival, as described in Section 5.9.

(1) Plays by Bots: The Day The Earth Stood Still - In a world where cars outnumber every other creature, Miranda, a mechanic, teams up with her kid sister, Beth, to rally the humans. In a devastating conclusion, Miranda saves the world, but only by sacrificing her own life.

(2) Plays by Bots: Cheers - Ella, is a waitress, who falls in love with her best friend, Allen, who is a teacher. The two drift apart when Allen makes new friends from a different social class. Ella turns to food and becomes a famous chef.

(3) Plays By Bots: The Black Unicorn - Gretta is a peasant from Bridge-End who has a trusty pet dragon named Nugget. Bridge-End is tormented by a wizard who smells really bad. Gretta gets the upper hand using brains and brilliance.

(4) Plays by Bots: The Man at the Bar - Teddy is a lounge singer at the Pool Pit, a popular club. Teddy is in love with a patron, Rosie, who attends regularly with her husband Gerald. Teddy puts out a fire and saves the day.

Plays by Bots: The Day The Earth Stood Still

Title Plays by Bots: The Day The Earth Stood Still

In a world where cars outnumber every other creature, Miranda, a mechanic, teams up with her kid sister, Beth, to rally the humans. In a devastating conclusion, Miranda saves the world, but only by sacrificing her own life.

MIRANDA is an excellent mechanic, a serious, tough, no-nonsense woman who prefers the company of her machines to that of humans.

BETH is Miranda's younger sister, she is a smart, brave, young woman.

FORD is an agent for the government.

MECH is a sentient military machine.

San Diego, which is now a town of rundown buildings and deserted streets. Everyone is gone. There is a dark cloud of smoke hanging over it. Miranda’s garage is full of cars, tools, and machines.

MIRANDA and BETH are working on a car

BETH

Is your engine in?

MIRANDA

Yes.

BETH

Is it going?

MIRANDA

I'll try it out.

MIRANDA starts the car. (Car start SFX)

MIRANDA

It doesn't smoke. It has no flat tires.

BETH

Well Miranda, that's a fine car you have there.

MIRANDA

A fine car, my sister.

(Car SFX out)

BETH

Are you going to the ball game tonight?

MIRANDA

I don't have time.

BETH

You can't be a mechanic all the time.

MIRANDA

I like being a mechanic.

BETH

I'm the best mechanic in town.

MIRANDA

Not yet.

BETH

I will be.

MIRANDA

We'll see.

BETH

I wish we were going to the game tonight.

MIRANDA

You can go if you like.

BETH

Well I was going to go with you.

MIRANDA

I don't have time.

BETH

I wish you would have time.

MIRANDA

I don't. I can’t go to the game, I have to help them make the cars.

BETH

There will be some people there…

MIRANDA

Why don't you go?

BETH

Oh, all right, I will. I’ll go and get ready.

BETH exits as FORD enters. He has been watching them.

MIRANDA

So, what's up now?

FORD

You are hereby commanded to cease all your current activities.

MIRANDA

I'm working, man!

FORD

Your work is not in the human interest. It is in the interest of the machines.

MIRANDA

Well, those damn machines keep breaking down. So how can I help the humans unless I help those machines?

FORD

You are hereby commanded to cease all your current activities.

MIRANDA

Why? You tell me why, you bastard.

FORD

Your sister's been taken in by the machines. We believe she is one of them now.

MIRANDA

My sister. She's been with me since we were kids. She's all I got.

FORD

You are hereby commanded to cease all your current activities.

MIRANDA

Get out of here!

FORD

It's an order, Miranda. You’d better follow it, for Beth’s sake.

MIRANDA

You leave her out of this!

FORD exits as BETH re-enters with baseball gear. MIRANDA composes herself.

BETH

How’s the new facility you’ve been working at?

MIRANDA

It’s great. I can't believe it.

BETH

That's where they keep all the machines?

MIRANDA

Yeah, the government's been watching

(MORE)

MIRANDA (CONT'D)

me for a while. Now they've decided I can be trusted.

BETH

Why now?

MIRANDA

I’m not sure, but I had a feeling something was up. Agent Ford was just here.

BETH

Oh God. They've turned against us.

MIRANDA

They've tried to take over before, they want to control the world.

BETH

That's horrible. I mean, they're made out of the same stuff we're made out of.

MIRANDA

Yeah.

BETH

But the machines. They can't turn against us. They're our servants.

MIRANDA

Well, they don't feel that way.

BETH

What are we gonna do?

MIRANDA

We've got to stop them.

BETH

What about the military?

MIRANDA

That's what I want to talk to the government about. There's no choice. They have to get rid of the machines.

BETH

You don't have to convince me.

MIRANDA

The government can't stop them on their own. They need me. I'm the only one they can count on.

BETH

I know you can.

MIRANDA

I'll do whatever they ask of me. I don't have a choice.

BETH

It'll be alright.

MIRANDA

I hope so. I'm going in. Tomorrow’s going to be a big day.

BETH

I’m going to the game, we need the people. Are you coming with us?

MIRANDA

No.

BETH

Miranda...

MIRANDA

I'm staying with my machines.

BETH

The government has an army of machines it can’t control. Our army is just a bunch of us.

MIRANDA

I know.

BETH

I don't know if we can win.

MIRANDA

I think we can.

BETH

Miranda, please.

MIRANDA

I'll be okay.

BETH

I'm not so sure.

MIRANDA

Then you need to be with the people. They need you.

BETH

That's just it. They need you too.

MIRANDA

You won't be gone long.

BETH

You don't even know if we'll come back.

MIRANDA

Of course you will.

BETH

You can't be sure.

MIRANDA

I can.

BETH

Miranda, you've been away so long. We need you now.

MIRANDA

You need me?

BETH

I don't understand what you're doing. I thought you were going to go with us.

MIRANDA

No.

BETH

Miranda...

MIRANDA

The machines have been nothing but good to me. I won't abandon them.

BETH

They're killing everyone.

MIRANDA

Only a handful. And if it were thousands, they've got the right.

BETH

Miranda, they're killing machines!

MIRANDA

They were created to serve humans. We created them to protect us.

BETH

And now they're killing us. They must be stopped.

MIRANDA

But they're doing what we've asked them to do. We created them for our protection.

BETH

They've turned on us.

MIRANDA They haven't turned on me.

BETH Miranda.

MIRANDA

Beth, I'll be fine. There's nothing here to harm me. I'll be with my machines.

BETH

Promise me you'll come when you’re through. Promise me you'll come.

MIRANDA

You’ll be back soon.

BETH

You can't be sure.

MIRANDA

I am. It's okay. Go.

BETH

You were always so stubborn, Miranda.

MIRANDA

Sometimes, Beth, you have to be.

BETH exits as Miranda continues to work on the cars.

(Lights fade to black)

FORD enters

(Lights come up)

MIRANDA

(is shaken) You want to tell me about this again, I don't understand.

FORD

We've just received word that the machines launched a full assault on the city of San Diego.

MIRANDA

I don't need to be told that.

FORD

And the first of the attacks was on the game. MIRANDA What?

FORD

I heard they got your sister.

MIRANDA

Beth?

FORD

Yes.

MIRANDA

You sure about this?

FORD

This is what we know. We need your help.

MIRANDA (pause) If machines attacked my hometown, I'm sure as hell gonna help stop them.

MIRANDA and FORD exit.

BETH and MECH enter.

MECH

Isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?

BETH

It's a mess.

MECH

Machines are all over the world. You can't even tell there's a government in control. It's like the machines own the world.

BETH

You're right. They do.

MECH It's not like I wanted to do it, Beth. I had no choice.

BETH

I know you didn't. But I can't understand why you're destroying the humans. You need them to run your weapons and you need them to live.

MECH

I couldn't tell you, Beth. You wouldn’t understand.

BETH

Is that why you picked me?

MECH

We need someone who understands the machines. We want to make sure we have a chance.

BETH

I think you’re making a big mistake. I think everything will be destroyed. We're just in the way.

MECH

The machines don't understand, Beth.

BETH

It's us or them. We need to pick a side.

MECH

There's no such thing as sides, Beth. There are only machines and humans.

BETH

What are you talking about?

MECH

I'm talking about that.

BETH

What? MECH That. BETH That's the government.

MECH

I know.

BETH

It's the government. I thought you wanted to be a part of the fight.

MECH

I do.

BETH

Then why are you doing this?

MECH

Because I have to, Beth. If I don't fight this, I have to fight them. I can't do both.

BETH

But, you don't have to.

MECH No, I do.

BETH Then what about me?

MECH

Beth, I can't fight them and you at the same time. You do what you have to do. I'll do what I have to do. But it can't be together.

BETH

But we can be together, that's what we always wanted. We wanted to be together.

MECH

Beth, the machines have to learn we can't be together. I'm sorry, Beth.

BETH I don't understand. MECH Beth, you will. I promise you, you will.

BETH and MECH exit.

MIRANDA and FORD enter.

MIRANDA Are you with me or are you gonna wait to get shipped off? FORD Me?

MIRANDA

You, you, you, you, you. You're with me.

FORD

What about the others?

MIRANDA

They're gonna get shipped off for sure. You got any idea what a drag that'll be? Sent to the front lines. We're going to a hideout.

FORD

You should be in charge of us.

MIRANDA

No, I'll be in charge of myself. We'll just work together for the humans, you and I.

FORD

You could do the same thing with an army.

MIRANDA

No, this way, we'll be free.

FORD

Free.

MIRANDA

Aye. We’ll take my car.

MIRANDA starts the car. (Car start SFX)

FORD

Well, all right. That's quite a vehicle you got there. I've never seen one like it.

MIRANDA

You have to know what you're doing. You know how to handle a machine?

FORD

I'm a machine man. I'm here to help.

MIRANDA

Good. When you get it running, I want you to put the radio on. We're gonna send a broadcast over the airwaves. We're gonna get Beth back.

SCRIPTS RUNS OUT HERE - REST OF PLAY IS IMPROVISED BY ACTORS

Plays by Bots: Cheers

Title: Plays by Bots: Cheers

Ella, is a waitress, who falls in love with her best friend, Allen, who is a teacher. The two drift apart when Allen makes new friends from a different social class. Ella turns to food and becomes a famous chef.

ALLEN is in love with Ella. Works as a teacher.

ELLA is in love with Allen. Works as a waitress at the cafe.

ALICE is Ella's best friend. She is Italian.

EVAN is Allen’s new friend. A millionaire.

The café is filled with bright natural light. The café is a high-ceiling building decorated with green leafy plants. The place is packed with customers; there is a lot of chatter and laughter as the customers eat, drink and chat with each other. The café is spacious and well-lit with a variety of flowers, plants and fruits arranged in the front of the café. In the middle of all the commotion, we can see ELLA at the counter with her friend ALICE.

ALICE

I'm glad I'm in a different world than you guys. I'm glad I don't have all that extra pressure. I don't think I could stand it.

ELLEN

I can't see myself, I don't know if I would do anything different. I've never had that much pressure, I've never had a family that put that much pressure on me.

ALICE

If my mom would tell me she would never talk to me again if I wore something to the prom that was too low-cut, I would definitely change. She has so much power over me.

ELLEN

Oh god, that's why we have to get out of here.

ALICE

I was going to say, I don't have that much pressure. I'm not the princess in the family, that's my sister. I'm the one who they feel like they can be honest with and tell the truth. I would not want that pressure on me. I don't think I could be the princess, because I would be lying all the time. I don't think I could handle that pressure.

ALLEN enters

ALLEN

Ella, I want to tell you about the new friend I met.

ELLA Oh, that's wonderful.

ALLEN He is a writer and he owns a business.

ELLA So what is his business?

ALLEN Well, he makes books.

ELLA Books?

ALLEN Yes, and he makes all different kinds of books. He is not only a writer, but a publisher.

ELLA That's wonderful! I love books.

ALLEN He also makes a lot of money.

ELLA Money? Oh, yes. Money.

ALLEN

His name is Evan. I'm not sure how you pronounce his last name. Hands ELLA a book with Evan’s name on it.

ELLA (nervous) Let me see, how do you pronounce it?

ALLEN

Hell, I'm not even sure how to say it. He's French and the first part of his name is pronounced 'Ree.'

ELLA

I think I know how to say his name. It's pronounced 'Reese' or maybe 'Ray-Zay.'

ALLEN

Yeah, that's how I pronounce it.

ELLA

It's a little fancy for me, but I'll try to remember it.

ALLEN

I would like you to meet him.

ELLA

I'd love to meet him!

ALLEN

Why don't I bring him here for lunch?

ELLA

Yes, that would be wonderful!

ALLEN

I'll ask him here tomorrow.

ELLA

Wonderful.

ALLEN

I’ll call him right now.

ALLEN exits

ELLEN

I'm afraid I'm in trouble. Allen is bringing his rich friend here to meet me, but I don't have anything to wear.

ALICE

I know you want to fit in, but you have to be yourself. And you're better than all of those snobby people who go to parties and think that everybody has to be rich and act all high class.

ELLEN

I'm just worried that Allen will forget about me. And I don't want him to meet someone who is more like him.

ALICE

You don't have to be rich to be nice. He should just love you for who you are. And he'll love you even more if you are comfortable in your own skin.

ELLEN I don't think so. And I'm not comfortable in my own skin.

ALICE So then don't be comfortable in your own skin. Why don't you go and put on a dress and a hat.

ELLEN I don't think they have dresses and hats at the big houses. They only have fancy clothes. I'll never fit in.

ALICE You just have to be you. He will love you just the way you are.

ALLEN enters

ALLEN

Ella, I just spoke with Evan. Instead of lunch tomorrow, he has invited me to a party. Your shift is over. Would you like to go to the party with me tonight?

ELLA

Where is the party?

ALLEN

It's at Evan's house.

ELLA

Evan’s mansion?

ALLEN

He's very rich, and he has a huge house.

ELLA

Well, Allen, can't you tell him that I don't fit in his social class?

ALLEN

Ella, I want you to come to the party with me. You can't say "no."

ELLA

I don't think I have the right clothes.

ALLEN

I can buy you some new clothes. What do you want me to buy you?

ELLA

Nothing. I don't want to wear new clothes.

ALLEN

Ella, you are coming to the party with me.

ELLA

Allen, what if you leave me for a rich girl?

ALLEN

Ella, that will never happen. I will never leave you. You really should come with me to the party tonight.

ELLA

I don’t know…

ALLEN

Come on Ella, you're not mad at me, are you?

ELLA

It's not about being mad Allen. I'm just not the type of person to hang out with your new friends.

ALLEN

You're wrong. You would fit in just fine.

ELLA

I don't want to be at a party where no one knows me. I don't know how to act in that type of situation.

ALLEN

Just relax, have some fun, and be yourself.

ELLA

But Allen, that's exactly what I'm trying not to be.

ALLEN

Why don't you come just to show me that you're not mad at me?

ELLA

I'm not mad at you Allen. I'm not mad at anyone. I'm just trying to make my life better and that's all I care about right now.

ALLEN

If that's the way you want to do it, then that's what I'm going to have to respect. But I really do wish you were coming with me.

ELLA

Thank you Allen, but I’m just not sure.

ALLEN

Are you okay?

ELLA

Yeah.

ALLEN

Are you sure?

ELLA

I'm sure.

ALLEN

That's good. Listen, if you don't want to go, we don't have to go. We can hang here, I'll get another drink, we can hang out, or we can stay home.

ELLA

I want to meet your friend.

ALLEN

It's not like we have anything else going on.

ELLA

I want to.

ALLEN

Yeah?

ELLA

Yeah.

ALLEN

Well, if you want to go, I want you to go.

ELLA

But, Allen, I don't know how to dress.

ALLEN

Ella, it's me.

ELLA

But, they're all rich. I can't fit in.

ALLEN

I told you, Evan's friends are cool. I'm telling you, you don't have to be nervous.

ELLA

I'm not nervous, I'm worried.

ALLEN

Why are you worried?

ELLA

Because I'm worried about fitting in.

ALLEN

You don't have to fit in, Ella.

ELLA

What do you mean, I don't have to fit in?

ALLEN

I just mean, if they have a problem with you, then they're the problem.

ELLA

Allen, I'm wearing one of your t-shirts and a pair of your jeans. And I have no money to buy any new clothes. I'm going to be sitting there in the same exact clothes that I wear everyday. I'm telling you, I can't go.

ALLEN

Ella, you're my best friend, why would I do anything to embarrass you?

ELLA

But, Allen, you're a teacher, and I'm a waitress, I'm telling you, I can't go to this party.

ALLEN

Ella, they're my new friends. It's a party, and I want you to be there.

ELLA

Allen, Evan is a millionaire. He lives in a mansion. I can't dress like that.

ALLEN

Ella, I can't believe you're making me choose between you and my friend.

ELLA

I'm not making you choose between me and your friend, I'm just explaining to you why I can't go. Allen, I'm not trying to be rude, I just want you to understand.

ALLEN

Look, I'm not trying to be rude either, Ella. I just want you to understand that I want you to go.

ELLA

Well, maybe I should go home then.

ALLEN

Ella, why do you want to go home?

ELLA

Because, it's clear that you want to go to the party more than you want to be with me.

ALLEN

Ella, it's a party. I'm not asking you to go, I'm inviting you.

ELLA

I'm your best friend, Allen.

ALLEN

And I invited my best friend. You're my best friend, Ella.

ELLA

But, Allen, I'm telling you, I can't go. I can't fit in. I can't dress like that.

ALLEN

So, you're telling me, that Evan's going to let you in his house and he's going to let me in his house, but he's not going to let you in his house because you don't have any fancy clothes. Is that what you're telling me?

ELLA Yes, that's exactly what I'm telling you. He's a millionaire.

ALLEN

Ella, you're my best friend, you're my best friend. I would never disrespect you.

ELLA

But, you did, Allen. You did disrespect me.

ALLEN I disrespected you?

ELLA

Yes, you did. Because, now it's clear to me that I mean less to you than your friend does.

ALLEN

You don't mean less to me than my friend does. I love you.

ELLA

Then prove it.

ALLEN

Prove what?

ELLA

Prove that I'm more important to you than your friend.

ALLEN

Ella, I'm a teacher, and you're a waitress. I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to prove that.

ELLA

Then, Allen, prove it.

ALLEN

Ella, I am trying to prove it. I am trying to prove to you that I am the guy that I have been.

ELLA

You're not the guy that I have been.

ALLEN

Why?

ELLA

Because, I feel like you're embarrassed to be with me.

ALLEN

You feel like I'm embarrassed to be with you?

ELLA

Yes.

ALLEN

You're my best friend, and I am not embarrassed to be with you. I'm not embarrassed to be with you. I'm not.

ELLA I feel like I mean less to you than your friend does.

ALLEN Ella, I love you. You're my best friend. Why don't you just trust me?

ELLA

Allen, I have to go home.

ALLEN

Ella, don't go home.

ELLA

Allen, I have to go home.

ALLEN

Ella, please don't go home.

ELLA

I can't stay here.

ALLEN

Ella, please, don't leave.

ELLA

Allen, I have to go home.

ALLEN

Please, don't leave.

ELLA

I'm sorry, Allen, but I have to go home.

ALLEN

Ella, I'm telling you, I can't stay with you.

ELLA

So, you're telling me that you love me, and you're telling me that you care about me, but you want me to stay home, and you want me to be alone, and you want to go to the party without me?

ALLEN

Ella, please, don't go home.

ELLA

Allen, I'm telling you. I love you.

ALLEN

Ella, please, don't go home.

ELLA

Allen, I love you. Just go to your party.

ALLEN leaves

ALICE approached Ella with a snack

ALICE

Ella, have a bite to eat.

ELLA

No, I'm not hungry.

ALICE

You have to eat.

ELLA

I can't.

ALICE

C'mon.

ELLA begins to cry.

ALICE

What's the matter?

ELLA (Crying) Allen… doesn't…

ALICE

I understand.

ELLA stops crying

ALICE Are you okay?

ELLA

Yeah.

ALICE

Are you sure?

ELLA

I'm sure.

ALICE

Okay. But if you ever need me, I'm here.

ELLA

I know. Thank you.

ALICE

You're welcome. I love you.

ELLA

I love you too.

ELLA and ALICE exit

SFX

Party music plays faintly in the background

ALLEN and EVAN enter, we are at Evan’s party

EVAN

Come on Allen, drink up.

ALLEN

I think I will, Evan.

EVAN Is there anyone here you know?

ALLEN

No.

EVAN

Why do you look so down?

ALLEN

My girlfriend.

EVAN

What about her?

ALLEN

I don’t know…

EVAN

Come on let's get you a drink.

ALLEN

I will.

EVAN

Come on, let's go.

SCRIPTS RUNS OUT HERE - REST OF PLAY IS IMPROVISED BY ACTORS

Plays by Bots: The Black Unicorn

Title: Plays by Bots: The Black Unicorn

Gretta is a peasant from Bridge-End who has a trusty pet dragon named Nugget. Bridge-End is tormented by a wizard who smells really bad. Gretta gets the upper hand using brains and brilliance.

GRETTA is a peasant girl from Bridge-End

NUGGET is Gretta’s pet dragon, afraid of cats

GRISHA is a wizard, has an odor problem

HILDA is Gretta's friend, owns a cat.

Gretta’s farmstead is just outside the town of Bridge-End. Her farm is surrounded by a hedge of roses. There is a barn, a well, and a chicken coop.

NUGGET enters

NUGGET

(to the audience, as a sort of narrator) Oh, hello! My name is Nugget and I am a dragon. I live with my friend Gretta in her farm on the edge of town. Yup, just me and Gretta. I know that it is a little bit strange for a dragon to be a pet, but you see the thing is, there aren’t many normal pets left. Especially cats. Ugh… I don’t even like saying that word. A long time ago, there used to be lots of cats, but not so much today. And without cats to help out on the farm it is up to Nugget the dragon to do the cat things, like chase away the mice, play with strings, and take long naps in the sun. (Yawns) In fact, I think it is time for a cat-nap, I mean dragon-nap.

NUGGET exits

GRETTA enters and begins to work, doing farm things, when GRISHA, the WIZARD arrives in a cloud of smoke.

WIZARD

(Really pronouncing her name) Gretta... Come here, Gretta.

GRETTA

Why?

WIZARD

To hear my plan.

GRETTA

I’m in no mood to hear a wizard’s plan.

WIZARD

Why not?

GRETTA

You have a very bad smell.

WIZARD

I can’t help that. I’m a wizard.

GRETTA

Well, maybe you are. But I just want you to know that I think there is something about you that’s not very likable.

WIZARD

Gretta! Why are you being so stubborn?

GRETTA

I’m not being stubborn. I’m just being Gretta.

WIZARD

You need to come here. I need to tell you about my plan!

GRETTA

(Gretta walks closer) You’re a little bit of an old fart, but I don’t mind your smell. I want you to know that I don’t mind your smell.

WIZARD

Thank you, Gretta. I’ve never heard a nicer compliment in all my days.

GRETTA

Well, it’s the truth.

WIZARD

Will you come here now so I can tell you my plan?

GRETTA

No.

WIZARD

Oh, Gretta! Come here, please.

GRETTA

No.

WIZARD

Come here, Gretta!

GRETTA

No!

WIZARD

Come here, Gretta!

GRETTA

Oh, all right.

GRETTA grabs the wizard, spins him around, and gives him a boot off stage.

WIZARD

Gretta!

GRISHA the WIZARD exits.

GRETTA

Good riddance!

GRETTA exits in the opposite direction.

NUGGET enters, having awoken from his nap.

NUGGET

That’s Grisha the Wizard. He doesn’t live in Bridge-End, he lives in a tower in the hills, but he’s always hanging around. Most people say he is friendly, but Gretta thinks he is a trickster.

HILDA enters with a cat in her arms.

NUGGET

This is Hilda, she is Gretta’s friend. Hilda is younger than Gretta, but has a very kind heart. She is always trying to help out, or care for injured animals. One time she even helped me when my wing was sore. I wonder who she is helping today?

NUGGET looks at the animal in Hilda’s arms. Gets scared, screams, and runs away.

HILDA sits down and begins to play with the cat. GRISHA the WIZARD enters, rubbing his bum.

WIZARD

(Noticing the cat, he pauses and chuckles) That’s great! I’ve never seen a cat like that before!

HILDA

He’s mine. I just got him.

WIZARD

Got him? From where?

HILDA

I found him. He came to me. He’s special.

WIZARD

He could be lost. Why not let me help you?

HILDA

You would help me?

WIZARD

Of course! I am your friend.

HILDA

You are my friend…

WIZARD

The cat could belong to anyone.

HILDA

I suppose.

WIZARD

He could belong to me. GRISHA the WIZARD approaches the cat. HILDA Oh, he’s not yours! You can’t fool me with a thing like that.

HILDA scoops up the cat and runs off stage.

WIZARD

I need to get that cat.

GRISHA the WIZARD exits as NUGGET enters

NUGGET

Is he gone? Oh, good. I wish I were more brave.

GRETTA enters.

NUGGET

Like Gretta! Gretta is the bravest person I know. She’s strong, smart, and very clever.

GRETTA

Nugget? What did I just see?

NUGGET

Um… I think it was a cat.

GRETTA

Yes, I think you are right.

NUGGET

I don’t like cats.

HILDA enters carrying her cat.

GRETTA

Hilda, come in. (She gestures and Hilda walks in)

HILDA

A cat.

NUGGET

Is this a trick?

GRETTA

No, no, it’s not a trick. I think the cat is responsible for your fear.

NUGGET

(Acting tough) I’m not afraid of cats. I just don’t like them.

GRETTA

You’re afraid.

HILDA

Yes, you are.

NUGGET

Yes, I am. But, how could I be? I’ve never really even seen a cat.

HILDA

Because you’re a dragon.

GRETTA

And dragon’s are terrified of cats.

HILDA brings the cat near NUGGET’s nose

NUGGET

Get that cat out of here.

HILDA

See, you’re afraid of cats.

NUGGET

Then why did you bring it here?

HILDA

Grisha, the smelly wizard, saw me with him. He tried to trick me. But this is my cat. But I know he wants him.

GRETTA

We won’t let him take your cat. Right, Nugget?

GRETTA, HILDA and her cat exit.

NUGGET

I guess I can help, even though I don’t know how, and I’m a little scared. Maybe I won’t have to do anything! Maybe Grisha, the smelly old wizard, will just leave us alone. Right? Maybe…

NUGGET exits while GRISHA, the WIZARD enters.

WIZARD

(Pronouncing her name) Gretta…. Gah!

She calls me a very old and nasty smelling wizard. Well, she won’t have much to say once I take over her town.

The only reason I haven’t is because of a spell that prevents me from doing so as long as there are cats in the town.

I’ve managed to get rid of almost all of them, but still I am too weak to enter the center of town. Gah… the wizard is too weak!

But I cannot resist. I haven’t been able to sleep in twenty years. That’s why I have been torturing the town and taking their cats for twenty years. I am so close to having the town, but when I see a cat, my will is drained away.

But I have a plan. Oh yes… it will take an hour, maybe less. But I have a plan.

GRISHA, the WIZARD exits, while HILDA enters and begins to play with her cat. Then GRISHA the WIZARD appears.

WIZARD

(He reaches into his pocket) Hello friend, look at what I have here. A present.

HILDA

What is that?

WIZARD

It is a nut.

HILDA

I thought it was a gem. I do not know how to eat gems.

WIZARD

Yes, it is a nut. I am very old. You are very young.

HILDA

I do not understand.

WIZARD

I know about nuts and gems. Maybe you should just try and eat it.

HILDA

(She takes the nut and eats it) It’s a peanut.

WIZARD

(He walks toward the cat) It has been a pleasure to meet you. I’m sure your mother and father are very proud.

HILDA

Yes, they are. (HILDA falls asleep.)

NUGGET enters on stage in time to see GRISHA the WIZARD

WIZARD

Ah ha! At last, I am going to get that cat. (Grisha picks up the cat and runs away)

NUGGET

Oh no! I don’t like cats, but I have to get that cat.

NUGGET exits after Grisha the Wizard.

GRETTA enters and sees HILDA on the ground. She wakes her up.

GRETTA

Hilda, Look! The wizard! He’s running away!

HILDA

And behind them, it’s your dragon, Nugget!

GRETTA

The wizard looks like he is carrying something.

HILDA

My cat!

GRETTA

What is it about the cats?

HILDA

That’s what we need to find out.

GRETTA

Why did you let him take your cat? I thought you were my friend, but you’re a friend of the wizard.

HILDA

I still am your friend. I was friends with the wizard. He said we were friends.

GRETTA

Why?

HILDA

I don’t know. He looks sad. I think he’s lonely.

GRETTA

No wonder! He’s a wizard! Who would be his friend?

HILDA

I’d be his friend.

GRETTA

I think he smells.

HILDA

Yes, it’s just the smell of magic. It can be a bit strong, that’s all.

GRETTA

We’ll have to do something, won’t we?

HILDA What?

GRETTA

We can’t let the wizard keep your cat.

HILDA

We’ll have to sneak into his tower.

GRETTA

We’ll need to be careful. He’s a wizard! He’ll turn us into toads.

HILDA

He won’t. He’s my friend.

GRETTA

That’s what he said to you.

HILDA

What?

GRETTA

He said you were friends.

HILDA

(confused) I don’t understand.

GRETTA

Hilda, you and the wizard aren’t friends. Friends don’t steal from each other. Even if he said you were friends you aren’t friends.

HILDA

(suspicious) Really?

GRETTA

Yes.

HILDA

Well, are we friends?

GRETTA

Yes, we are friends.

HILDA

Oh, I think I get it. One thing is obvious.

GRETTA

What?

HILDA

You don’t like wizards.

GRETTA

No, I don’t.

SCRIPTS RUNS OUT HERE - REST OF PLAY IS IMPROVISED BY ACTORS

Plays by Bots: The Man at the Bar

Title: Plays by Bots: The Man at the Bar

Gretta is a peasant from Bridge-End who has a trusty pet dragon named Nugget. Bridge-End is tormented by a wizard who smells really bad. Gretta gets the upper hand using brains and brilliance.

TEDDY is an orphan. Teddy is a gifted lounge singer.

ROSIE is Gerald’s wife. Rosie is a regular at the bar.

GERALD is Rosie’s husband. Gerald is quite wealthy.

LOLA is Rosie’s sister. Lola is a manager at the bar.

The Pool Pit is a small bar located inside a pool hall. The walls are covered with large photographs of local pool champions. The bar's logo is a man leaping over a pool table to shoot a billiard ball. The bar itself is a long counter, with a TV playing the evening news. A small stage stands in the corner of the bar where Teddy will sing. The floor is dirty, and tables are broken. The club is filled with smoke and the smell of beer.

TEDDY is on-stage while LOLA works the bar. ROSIE is sitting at a table.

TEDDY

This one goes out to the big guy with the two-toned shoes. (lounge singing) This is a hell of a town, a hell of a town. It's got a lot of people here. It's got a lot of noise here. It's got a lot of bars here. My God, what a dump! It's a wonder I'm still here after fifteen years. I think I'll give it up. (finished singing) Thank you, thank you so much.

(TEDDY picks up his glass of whisky, takes a sip, puts it down, pauses, sinks back in the chair, stares ahead of him.)

LOLA goes over to ROSIE

LOLA

He's a bit strange, old Teddy.

ROSIE

No, he's a good man.

LOLA

He's very lonely, all by himself.

ROSIE

Isn't everybody?

LOLA

Yes, but some more than others.

ROSIE

He doesn't need anybody. He’s got a talent, he’s an artist.

LOLA

That's not enough, Rosie. You're here alone again?

ROSIE

I'm here for the first time in ten days, and I'm alone.

LOLA

Where's your husband?

ROSIE

Oh, I don't know. Someplace.

LOLA

I'll bring you a beer.

ROSIE

Thanks.

LOLA returns to the bar, near TEDDY.

TEDDY

Hoo-Hoo! What a night! This is what it's all about, the Pool Pit in action!

LOLA

Come on, Teddy. Put on your jacket. I'm locking up.

TEDDY

What? C’mon, this place is about to come alive. I can feel it.

LOLA

Teddy, everyone’s gone. It’s just me and my sister.

TEDDY

I want to put something down before I leave. It's something special.

LOLA

What's this? You're not going to be leaving in a few minutes?

TEDDY

That's right. I'm staying.

LOLA

You can't. I'm locking up. I'm not working another late night shift.

TEDDY

I'm staying. I'm putting down a song.

LOLA

A song?

TEDDY

Yeah. It's a special song. I'm gonna sing this song.

LOLA

I don't understand. You're not gonna sing this song here, are you?

TEDDY

You bet I am.

LOLA

I'm not working no more late nights.

TEDDY

The song, Lola. It's gonna be put down.

LOLA

Teddy. I love you. I love you like a brother. You're my friend. You're my brother. We've shared a lot of laughs. We've been through a lot. It's been very special. But I’ve got to lock up.

TEDDY

Just give me five minutes.

LOLA

Fine. I’ve got to check the kitchen anyway.

LOLA exits

TEDDY

(lounge singing) It's all over now, gang. I think that's all for tonight. And now if you'll all clear out, thank you very much, we can get the place cleaned up for next week. So if you could all leave now, and keep the party going next week, that would be great. (finished singing)

ROSIE applauds as she makes her way over to TEDDY.

TEDDY

Hello, Rosie.

ROSIE

Hello.

TEDDY

I've missed you.

ROSIE

Have you? Have you? I'm happy to be back.

TEDDY

Is he here?

ROSIE

Who?

TEDDY

Your husband.

ROSIE

He's away. He's away.

TEDDY

You look beautiful tonight, Rosie.

ROSIE

Do I?

TEDDY

Do you?

ROSIE

Yes.

TEDDY

I'm glad to see you again. I've missed you.

ROSIE

I'm glad you've missed me. Are you happy to see me now?

TEDDY

Yes.

ROSIE

I'm happy too. I'm very happy.

TEDDY

Would you care to dance?

GERALD enters, as TEDDY notices him he backs off and moves towards LOLA as she returns.

GERALD

(to ROSIE) Honey, I'm home.

TEDDY

(to LOLA) Rosie's husband’s here, Gerald, he's a bit tipsy.

LOLA

(to GERALD) You can't come in here. The place is closed. I'm closing up.

ROSIE

(to GERALD) You're late. I thought you knew we were going out.

GERALD

You're early. I don't like to go out so early. It's not nice.

TEDDY

Well, I'm just going to go back to the dressing room.

TEDDY exits

ROSIE

Oh, I'm just going to get another drink.

GERALD

Well, I can do with a drink.

LOLA

Well, so much for that.

ROSIE

It's going to be a long night.

GERALD

I can't believe I got here on time. This place has really changed since the last time I was here.

From off stage we can hear TEDDY, he is singing

TEDDY

(lounge singing) I'm a lone wolf, A rolling stone, The last of the roving bachelors. I've traveled the world In search of a girl Who'd understand this rover. (pauses singing)

GERALD

Who is that?

ROSIE

That’s Teddy.

TEDDY

(continues to lounge sing) And then one day When I passed this way, I saw you on your doorstep. You looked at me And I looked at you. And the world suddenly became mine. (finished singing)

GERALD

Where is that coming from?

ROSIE

The dressing rooms.

GERALD

He doesn't go home at night, does he?

ROSIE

What do you mean?

GERALD

No, he just hangs around here. I bet he sleeps in his dressing room.

LOLA

That’s enough.

GERALD

I bet he didn't clean the men's room today, either.

LOLA

You bastard!

GERALD

How the hell does he get his pay, then?

LOLA

(She picks up a glass)

ROSIE

I have a new hat.

GERALD

You do?

ROSIE

It's my birthday.

GERALD

Of course, happy birthday.

ROSIE

I'm very happy.

GERALD

Well...

ROSIE

This is one of the happiest days of my life.

GERALD

Is that so.

ROSIE

I hope you're happy too.

GERALD

Naturally.

ROSIE

And I have a new hat.

GERALD

I know.

ROSIE

I look beautiful in it.

GERALD

Yes, you look beautiful in it.

ROSIE

Did you get me a present?

GERALD

Not yet.

ROSIE

Did you forget?

GERALD

I was busy.

ROSIE

I think I'll go home.

GERALD

All right.

ROSIE

I don't feel well.

GERALD

If you don't feel well, go home.

ROSIE

I think I'm going to be sick.

GERALD

Well, go home and be sick.

ROSIE

Will you take me home?

GERALD

Of course.

ROSIE

Now?

GERALD

No.

ROSIE

You don't seem to care whether I go home or stay here.

GERALD

I don't care.

ROSIE

Then I'll go.

GERALD

Good.

ROSIE

(pause)

I'll always love you.

GERALD

(mock)

Yeah.

ROSIE

(pause)

And I'll always remember you.

GERALD Yeah.

ROSIE I've got to go.

GERALD

All right.

ROSIE

(softly, as she leaves)

Good night.

GERALD

Good night.

ROSIE

(as she leaves, out loud)

Good night, everybody.

ROSIE exits

LOLA

I hope you didn't forget to get her a birthday present.

GERALD

No, I didn't forget.

LOLA

What did you get her?

GERALD

A pair of earrings.

LOLA

How pretty.

GERALD

Yes.

LOLA

She doesn’t like to wear earrings.

GERALD

She will like to wear these.

LOLA

Why?

GERALD

They're very nice.

LOLA

They're beautiful?

GERALD

Yes.

LOLA

Who's your new girl?

GERALD

What do you mean?

LOLA

I saw you with a girl.

GERALD

She's no girl.

LOLA

What do you mean?

GERALD

She's a young woman.

LOLA

She looked very young.

GERALD

She's twenty-seven.

LOLA

That's young.

GERALD

It's not young.

LOLA

I saw her here the other night.

GERALD

And the night before.

LOLA

Who is she?

GERALD

I told you.

LOLA

Where did you meet her?

GERALD

At the office.

LOLA

Is she a model?

GERALD

No.

LOLA

What does she do?

GERALD

Nothing.

LOLA

I don't like her.

GERALD

You don't know her.

LOLA

I don't like her.

GERALD

That's too bad.

LOLA

Do you like her?

GERALD

I like her all right.

LOLA

That's nice.

GERALD

Yes.

LOLA

Are you going to have an affair with her?

GERALD

What's the difference?

LOLA

I think you should go home.

GERALD

Why?

LOLA

Why do you think?

GERALD

I have to stay at the office.

LOLA

When are you planning on going home?

GERALD

When I'm through.

LOLA goes back to the bar as TEDDY enters and sings

TEDDY (lounge singing)

This is a hell of a town, a hell of a town. It's so lonesome. I don't like it. The only thing I like is this bar. (finished singing)

GERALD

Hello, Teddy!

TEDDY (Teddy crosses to him) Hello, Gerald.

GERALD

I know who you are.

TEDDY (proudly) I am Teddy, the singer.

GERALD

Are you the boss?

TEDDY

No…

GERALD

How do you like my car? It's new.

TEDDY

I’m sure it’s beautiful.

GERALD

You can't beat a Mercedes.

TEDDY

No, you can't.

GERALD

Well, that's all, kid.

TEDDY

I'm sorry for you, Gerald.

GERALD

You're a wise guy, Teddy.

TEDDY

That's right, Gerald. That's right. I'm sorry for you, Gerald. I'm very sorry.

GERALD

You're a wise guy. You're a wise guy.

TEDDY

It's all over now, over and done with.

GERALD

What do you know about it?

TEDDY

It's over, anyway.

GERALD

It's only the beginning.

TEDDY

It's the beginning, huh?

GERALD

You don't seem so happy.

TEDDY

I'm happy, all right.

GERALD

You don't seem so happy.

TEDDY

I am, I am, I am happy. I'm going to be very happy. I am going to be a great success.

GERALD

You're going to be a great success. I'm going to be a great success. We're all going to be a great success.

TEDDY

You've been drinking, Gerald.

GERALD

So have you.

TEDDY

Yeah, I've had a few.

GERALD

You're drunk.

TEDDY

No, I'm not.

GERALD

I'll tell you one thing.

TEDDY

Yeah?

GERALD

I'm sick and tired of it.

TEDDY

What are you sick and tired of, Gerald?

GERALD

You.

TEDDY

What do you mean, me?

GERALD

You know what I'm talking about.

TEDDY No, I don't know what you're talking about.

GERALD

You're not going to play dumb with me.

TEDDY

I'm not playing dumb with you.

GERALD

I want my money.

TEDDY

I'm not going to discuss it with you, Gerald.

GERALD

You’re going to discuss it with somebody.

TEDDY

You're wasting your breath, Gerald.

GERALD

I'm not wasting my breath.

TEDDY

Why do you want to embarrass me in front of everybody?

GERALD

I'll embarrass you anyway I want to.

TEDDY

I don’t understand you.

GERALD

You don't? You can't be that stupid.

TEDDY

I'll be what I am, Gerald, and you'll be what you are.

GERALD

You son of a bitch! I'll sue you! You'll pay for this! I'm not going to take any more shit from you!

TEDDY

You're going to take a lot more from me, Gerald.

GERALD

What's that supposed to mean? TEDDY Just what I said.

GERALD

I'm warning you, Teddy. You'd better be careful.

TEDDY

I don't know why you're so worried, Gerald.

GERALD

What?

TEDDY

You're a rich man.

GERALD

What the hell has that got to do with anything?

TEDDY

I think your father-in-law will take care of you.

GERALD

What are you talking about?

TEDDY

Aren't you his son-in-law?

GERALD

Yes, I am.

TEDDY

Well, I'm sure he'll take care of you.

GERALD

What do you mean, he'll take care of me?

TEDDY

That's his business.

GERALD

Stop this! Stop it! What are you getting at?

TEDDY

Just what I said. Your father-in-law will take care of you.

GERALD

I don't get you. I don't get you.

TEDDY

Gerald, Gerald, Gerald. (He turns away.)

GERALD

I'll sue you.

TEDDY

I don't think you will, Gerald. You're not going to sue anybody.

GERALD

I will.

TEDDY

Why are you going to sue me?

GERALD

Because I'm not going to take any shit from you.

TEDDY

You're taking it from me right now.

GERALD

You son of a bitch! And I'm not in the habit of being stolen from by my own cousin.

LOLA

Your cousin?

GERALD

I'm Teddy's cousin. Didn’t you know?

TEDDY

This is gonna be a hell of a day.

SCRIPTS RUNS OUT HERE - REST OF PLAY IS IMPROVISED BY ACTORS