How Revolut Makes Millions Off Crypto-Idiots

“Buy a token in one click” — and become a row in someone’s profit spreadsheet.

🤖 This Isn't Crypto — It's a Simulation

Let’s get this straight: you’re not buying real crypto on Revolut.

• You don’t have private keys

• You can’t withdraw to your wallet

• You can’t deposit from outside

  

All you can do is buy and sell inside their app — at prices they set, in a sandbox they control.

Does Revolut even hold the actual crypto behind your exposure?

They’re not required to say. Maybe yes. Maybe just vibes.

You're not on the market. You're inside a closed fintech arcade.

The Glossy Entry Point

Revolut aggressively promotes crypto access:

• “Early access” to hyped tokens
• Push notifications with that sweet exclusivity tone
• Smooth UX that makes you feel like you’re on Wall Street

To the user — easy and cool. To Revolut — low-risk, ultra-profitable retail play

How It Actually Works

1. They get tokens early OTC deals, private pools — ahead of public listings.
2. Sell them to you at a markup Got it for $0.08 — you pay $0.15. Easy margin.
3. You don’t really own the token You can’t transfer it. No on-chain access. It’s exposure only.
4. No real market mechanics You buy and sell from Revolut. No order book. No liquidity. Just whatever price they name.

Hidden Spreads You Don’t See

Buy and sell prices on Revolut rarely match actual market rates.The spread — the difference between buying and selling — can be 3–6% or more.

💡 Example:

• BTC market price = $105,000
• Revolut "Buy" price = $110,000
• Revolut "Sell" price = $100,000

You lose ~$5,000 with no price movement. Just for existing inside their app.

The Fees: Commission Theater

Revolut’s fees for Standard and Plus users are nothing short of comedy.

In plain English:

• Buy £4 of crypto → £0.99 fee → 24.75% commission
• Buy £10 → £1.49 fee → 14.9%
• Buy £50 → £1.99 fee → 4%

And that’s before the hidden spread.

For those in the dark: on real exchanges, fees start at 0.1%.

Premium users get slightly better rates. But that’s like being mugged with better manners.

My Case

Decided to earn a new achievement: complete the crypto onboarding on Revolut.
Bought and instantly sold $5 worth of crypto —one minute later, I had less than $2 left.

Who Falls for This?

This isn’t crypto.It’s a beautifully designed middleman contract, dressed in modern UI.

You have:

• No control
• No liquidity
• No sovereignty

You're not trading. You’re paying to simulate trading — in their playground.

Final Question

Who are these people buying and storing crypto on Revolut?

If you're one of them — DM me.

I'll hold your crypto for you.

I’ll save you the fees, the spread, and maybe your dignity.