How Apple is Ruining Customer Care.

(and 5 Intelligent things any disgruntled customer can do about it)

As a long-standing Apple customer and I can honestly say that most of my previous experiences with Apple have been stress-free to say the least. But as an outsider looking in, the recent Macbook Pro fiasco on top of many others, has created quite a pickle for the post-Jobs Apple empire.

The company is struggling to maintain the same level of appeal as it did when Captain Jobs ran the ship, primarily due to the current leaders of the company treating their life’s mission as keeping up with a bunch of Korean companies making rip-off models of the very same products Apple used to masterfully design not too long ago.

It was all behind Steve Jobs’s unmatched creativity as CEO. He was probably the most open-minded thinker I’ve had the fortune of witnessing in this ever-expanding tech world.

When I used to see the words “Designed by Apple in California” on the back of my first ever 80GB iPod classic back in the day, it used to send chills down my spine. I felt like the proud owner of an exclusive device only a few people were fortunate enough to purchase.

This was the very first iPod commercial back in 2001 which drew me into this once rare and exclusive brand. I was always made to feel like the rockstar that I never was, each time I donned those stupidly simplistic earpieces that never seemed to go out of style.

And the best part? These iPod classics were made to last.

At that time, I was the only owner of an iPod classic amongst my peers, considering the ghastly prices of the then iPod compared to other competitor’s models. Sri Lanka was not a known ‘bandwagon’ Apple nation at that time.

Today, with duplicate models galore, buying a new Apple device should be restricted to a few well-known Apple resellers and retail stores. Still you can be dooped for all you’re worth.

My brother bought an Apple iPhone 5s from China a few years back, from a well known Apple Retail Store. Just 1 month into its use, the phone began to mysteriously malfunction. Black screens, no Apple logo on startup, making the unsexiest moaning sounds, you name it.

There had been no mechanical damage to the device whatsoever. It was by all means a factory defect.

No Apple store we visited honored the “Global Limited 1yr Warranty Policy” that Apple proudly waves to market its numerous high-end devices.

The Global warranty was of no use to me and my disgruntled family, since no Sri Lankan Apple retail store ever offered a new device or a replacement device, let alone a free repair for the defective iPhone.

Shipping the iPhone to Singapore (to get the same thing done in a Singaporean Apple store) just made sure we found a useless iPhone inside our mailbox a few months later. Shipping fees wasted. 6 months wasted.

Every third-party repair shop we visited thereafter exclaimed that the motherboard was dysfunctional, and a new one was needed. This would be as costly as buying a second or third-hand Apple iPhone, so we cut our losses and moved on from the experience.

Any device that comes out of a factory has the potential to be damaged and/or malfunctioning. This is just a part of the manufacturing process.

Ever bought a malfunctioning Apple device?

After hours of soul-searching, I’ve come up with the perfect blueprint of how to react when Apple butt-f***s you out of their super-luxury retail store with a useless device that doesn’t even turn on. If you’ve ever come across a situation where you’ve been cheated $1,000 (or more) this way, then don’t be sad to try the following fall-back options.

1.Be as intolerant and as fussy of a customer as possible.

My go to #1 option.

Simply be as unaccepting of the situation as possible until you either receive a full refund or a brand new replacement device or (at the very least) get offered a full free repair. You won’t be the most peaceful of times, but at least your pocket won’t feel lighter after the whole transaction.

2.Gulp down your pride and channel your inner Dalai Lama.

The sane option.

When your Apple device breaks down into a shell of its own glorious self, do a 180-degree turn from your normal knee-jerk response. Be as accepting as possible. Blame it on past Karma or just tell yourself as many times as humanly possible that “Shit happens”. This way you wouldn’t have to sacrifice your life and health in exchange for a lifeless device and you’d no doubt save thousands of dollars on future medical expenses.

Talk about a long term investment!

3.Pay a bunch of lawyers and try to take down Apple for what it’s worth.

The stupid option.

This might end up being the crappiest option of the lot, not to mention the fact that you could potentially fall back to square #1 having to revisit that Godforsaken Apple store pleading for a refund, despite spending all your life earnings on the court case you just lost. Apple knows their lawyers.

Thinking about those absurd lawyers’ fees just makes the toll fees up to Apple store (or the shipping fees in my case) seem like a useless ball of poop.

4.Cough up that extra $1,000 (or more) and buy a new Apple device.

The best option, only if you have money like this.

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You might be one of those die-hard Apple fanboys like me who’s aching for that new upgrade so much, that you’re even willing to forego paying a few months’ rent in exchage for a shiny metal object that ‘connects’ you with others.

Who cares about being homeless, when you can meddle with that metal blob to your hearts content and make all the other homeless guys next to you on the street feel super-jealous. Homelessness can make anyone feel crappy inside.

maxpixel | source

**Just make sure you’ve at least a functioning Nokia phone like this one inside your torn up jean pocket (it doesn’t have to be the newest iPhone).**This is to dial 911 in case one of your street friends points a gun in your face.

5.Get ready to say one of the hardest goodbyes you can ever imagine.

The hardest possible option.

Just forget those sleepless months you spent dreaming of the next iPhone release. Just forget those countless years you spent on YouTube endlessly watching leak videos of iPhones to be released in the next decade. Just forget every penny you ever threw at an Apple store, in a desperate plea to justify to yourself and to others that “Money can indeed buy happiness”.

Now bundle all those memories together, write them down on a piece of paper, burn that shit up (not forgetting to follow all the DFES Campfire Safety precautions in the process_)._

Finally, go to the nearest Windows or Samsung or Microsoft reseller, gulp down all that pride you’ve accumulated over the years being an Apple-supremacist (like me). If someone ought to get paid, might as well be one of these guys.

The truth — What I actually end up doing.

Once I get myself on a bandwagon, I’m riding shotgun even after the wheels fall off. It’ll just be yet another experience for me. Just like what happened with my sorry-ass Lakers post-Kobe.

The 2000s came and I was riding that bandwagon. Kobe 3-peated with Shaq and 2-peated with Gasol and I was right there. The wheels have long fallen off, but I’m still riding shotgun! Hopefully things will turn around pretty soon (a ‘wink-wink’ at Magic Johnson).

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I’d probably live out whatever is left of the Apple device, wait until I have enough cash in my pocket and walk right back into that Apple store again. If you’re a real Apple fanboy like me, you’d probably do the same thing.

Hope you’re listening Steve! I’m never giving up Apple even if your company gets buried alive! I’d be the last one standing with a shovel in my hand, helplessly digging out the last remaining relics of Apple from the ashes of yesteryear.

The take home message?

Whatever choice we eventually make we mustn’t forget that in reality, all this fuss is actually about a lifeless metal box. Why waste all that stress over a lifeless device?

Just settle for option #2. It’s what any sane person would do.

Hope you guys had a pleasant day (like me) ripping apart those bastardly multinational companies for robbing us of every cent we’ve ever earned. Only in my case it’s every cent my parents ever earned!

Please do clap and help others find my story. Connect with my on Medium, Twitter, Facebook, Flipboard and Patreon. Share your pains with me. I’m an open book.

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