Getting laid off and losing your job is hard. It hurts you not only financially but also personally. It feels like someone pushed you off a moving bus telling you there’s no longer any space for you on it or being left stranded in the middle of a wild ocean with no instructions on how to get back to the shore. Irrespective of how many others are on the same journey, the experience is lonely and frustrating. As a strong wave of emotions hit you, hundreds of questions rush through your mind: Why me? Will my friends and family think less of me? How will it reflect on my resume? Will I find another job? Left unhandled or dealt with badly, a layoff can make you adopt harmful behaviors that destroy your self-confidence. Treating yourself as a victim won’t get you the job back. Or if you’re someone who turns to self-criticism, beating yourself up for something that’s not even in your control will only make things worse. Handling a layoff well is not only about finding a new job. More than the job hunt, it requires mental strength to deal with the emotions that are bound to run high. With layoffs being a common phenomenon in today’s job market, it’s not only acceptable to openly talk about it, those who do so end up with better opportunities. You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it — Maya Angelou 7 practices to handle layoffs well 1. Get prepped up If your job is in danger, your manager is not going to say it explicitly till it’s time to make it public. You need to read between the lines. Look for signs of potential layoffs—hiring freeze, cost cutting, slow growth, or your manager suddenly losing interest in you. Don’t assume you can’t be the one getting fired just because you’re a top performer or someone who’s an expert in their field. There are many factors that determine whether you’ll be the one to stay or asked to leave. Remember this, you’re not untouchable. What happens to so many others can happen to you too, despite no fault of yours. When you’re laid off, depending on the nature of your work, you may be asked to leave immediately or be notified of your expected separation date. Assume the worst possible case—no access of any kind—and prepare accordingly. Gather useful information upfront—contact information of people at work, documents that might help you later (legally allowed), knowing your rights etc. Collecting this information will take a small amount of your time but go a long way in getting you back on track if the layoff does happen. You can’t do this if you’re caught off guard, but if there’s even the slightest hint or a possibility, there’s no harm in getting prepped up. 2. Don’t burn bridges Even though you’re being asked to leave, there’s no need to end the relationship on a bad note. Blaming the organization or bad-mouthing others won’t do you any good. It will only lead to more hurt feelings on both sides. Richard Bolles says in - What Color Is Your Parachute I'm sure that a huge proportion of the situation you are facing is out of your control. There's nothing you can do about it. But that proportion can't be 100 percent. There's got to be some proportion--let's say it's even just 2 percent--that is within your control. You can work on that. Who knows what a difference that may make! Rather, see how you can use your calmness to your advantage—ask for more severance, get access to their network to connect to other job opportunities, negotiate health benefits, get a solid recommendation, or discuss other unemployment benefits you can avail. Keeping the relationship even after the job is lost will work to your advantage. You never know who’s going to cross your path in the future. Handling a layoff well will make you stand apart from so many others who burnt bridges when they left. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck — Dalai Lama 3. Don’t deny your emotions Ignoring this bad experience will not make things better or how you feel about them. The more you put off dealing with or even acknowledging that something is wrong, the worse it becomes. Psychologists call it emotional avoidance. Avoiding negative emotions makes you feel better. Avoidance provides momentary relief from negative emotions, which is effective in the short term, but it makes whatever you were avoiding bigger in the long term. When you do not acknowledge negative emotions, your body’s built-in defense mechanism treats them as a threat. Once activated, your body releases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, which causes you to act in one of the following ways: Try to fight your emotions which makes them more intense. You fight the threat: Try hard to dismiss the emotion, often wasting energy that’s best spent on some constructive action. You run from the situation: This fight-or-flight response is vital to our survival in other circumstances when there’s real danger as it enables us to respond to life-threatening situations quickly—to escape a burning building or when a speeding car on a highway heads into our lane. However, since your brain can’t differentiate between real and perceived threats, it can set off alarm bells even when it’s just an emotional attack and, in the process, restrict access to the prefrontal cortex, which is the thinking part of your brain inhibiting purposeful action exactly when you need it the most. Ignoring or avoiding makes these feelings much harder to overcome, while acknowledging them can result in real personal growth. Instead of stifling or pushing them away, learn to accept your emotions. Accepting does not make them true. It just allows your emotions to be what they are without judging them or trying to change them. Seeing the emotion for what it is without attempting to get rid of it shifts you from emotional avoidance towards emotional acceptance. Noam Shpancer, professor of psychology at Otterbein University and a clinical psychologist specializing in the treatment of anxiety disorders, calls emotional acceptance a far better strategy than avoidance because accepting, acknowledging, and absorbing your emotion makes you spend less energy in pushing the emotion away and instead pursue the behaviors that are aligned with your goals and values. Also, when you rush through your emotions and don’t give them time to settle in, others can sense irritation and bitterness in your voice. Imagine going through an interview process with all that negativity ready to pour out. The effects of unhandled emotions can be devastating—minor disappointments can turn into major setbacks. For example, let’s say you don’t get a response from the first few job applications. Instead of doubling up your efforts, unresolved emotions can get in the way—you may spend more time ruminating and feeling bad about yourself as opposed to using that time to reach out to your network for introductions or filling out more job applications. Instead of denying your emotions or getting consumed by them, seek a balance. 4. Talk to someone trusted Sharing how you really feel with people close to you, those who support you, and those you trust without hesitation—being able to express your true emotions—can be relieving. It isn’t venting or making others feel sorry for you. But sharing how you really feel about the situation without needing a script. Talking it out and having others hear it without judgment gets you better prepared to come to terms with your real emotions. Talking about your feelings creates a psychological distance between you and the emotion. It tends to diffuse their charge and lessen the burden they create. 5. Reframe it as an opportunity You need to master two stories here—the story you tell yourself and the story you tell your potential future employer. The story you tell yourself comes first. Because if you’re stuck in a negative version of the story yourself, spinning a positive outlook outside won’t work. Others can see the incoherence when your internal world is in conflict with what you display outside. Identify any upsides to this layoff—shift your perspective from what you’re lacking to the opportunities it brings. Have you been stuck in this job for long? It’s a great opportunity to start something new or explore skills you never got a chance to put to use. Was your manager or the culture of your organization toxic? Now you can find a job free from that toxicity? Did your organization lack projects you were interested in doing? Go find work where you’ll get a chance to work on such things. You can imagine a career and a life that don't exist; you can build that future you, and as a result your life will change - Bill Burnett Shifting your perspective from what you no longer have to the possibilities this layoff brings opens up your mind to seek solutions as opposed to getting stuck in endless rumination. When you carry a positive story with you inside, it’s easy to convince others of that story. After reframing the story you tell yourself, work on crafting the story you tell your future employer. Don’t use too many words to describe what happened—keep the message short and simple. Focus more on the future—what skills and abilities you bring to their organization. You don’t have to hide that you were being laid off. At the same time, you shouldn’t put the experience in a negative light and share your frustration. Spend less time on struggles and more time on your strengths. For example, you may say, “My organization recently went through downsizing. It has given me an opportunity to rethink and reevaluate what I want to do next. What I am now looking for in my next job is [ABC]…then talk about your strengths.” When you come across as someone who’s calm and confident despite dealing with a layoff, others admire your resilience. They see you as someone who’ll be able to navigate the challenges and complexities of a work environment, someone who will be adaptable to change. One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn’t pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself — Lucille Ball 6. Don’t rush through a decision When dealing with a layoff, the world may seem scarce — limited jobs, limited opportunities, limited possibilities. But thinking that the world is scarce makes you hurry through decisions—you’re worried others will get to those positions faster, and you’ll lose the opportunity, or if you don’t take the first job that lands your way, there will never be another one. A scarcity mindset leads to decisions that hurt you down the line; they make you settle for mediocrity instead of striving for excellence. Thinking in terms of abundance—there’s enough for everyone—gives you the space needed to evaluate your options aligned with your goals and the life you desire. They make you wait and go after the options that are more beneficial (financially as well as mentally) in the long run. An important part of making the right decision is keeping your finances in check so that they don’t bring additional stress and anxiety to an already intensive process. Identify: Where do you stand financially? How much time do you have to find a job? Are there expenses you can cut back on? If you’re the one to provide for your family, how much money do you need? Making a good decision requires patiently weighing in on different options and choosing the one that best aligns with your interests and goals. 7. Get to work Once you feel emotionally prepared to share your story with others without the emotional baggage of the layoff, prepare a list of potential employers. Don’t jump to interviews without doing your research—look up the information on the company’s website, job postings, and social media. Connect to people who have worked there in the past or hold a position now to get their perspective on the organization and the role. Keep a list of questions ready based on what matters to you—work culture, projects, learning, growth, compensation? Speak to recruiters only once you’ve done your homework. You’ll come across as someone who clearly knows what they want. Recruiters will admire your confidence and find you worthy of the position you seek. Also, reach out to your network—former colleagues or friends who work for these organizations. Don’t hesitate to ask for introductions if they don’t work in those organizations but know someone who does. LinkedIn is a great place to find this information. Instead of saying, “if you know someone,” directly mention the name of the person. Say, “Can you connect me to XYZ? I noticed that he/she is in your network and works for an organization I am interested in.” Getting the job you desire is not a lonely affair. Seeking help from others is an intelligent move—one that will revive not only your past connections but also get you placed in a job of your choice. Good things happen when you don’t treat a layoff as the end of the world but think of it as the beginning of a new journey for you. Instead of getting stuck thinking about your misfortunes, consider this layoff as a small bump in the road—something that bothers you for a moment but does not stop you from reaching your destination. A bend in the road is not the end of the road…unless you fail to make the turn — Helen Keller Summary Getting laid off is an emotional experience. Handling it well not only builds resilience, it also leads to better opportunities. If you haven’t been laid off yet but consider it as a possibility, start preparing now. Gather data you will need post-lay-off. Prioritize relationships over the job while leaving the organization. The rewards will be much higher in the long run. Navigate your emotions by giving them time to settle in instead of denying or rushing through them. Share how you really feel with people close to you. It will reduce the effect of your negative emotions. Reframe the layoff from being a bad thing that happened to you to an opportunity that opens up new possibilities. Getting a job may become your priority when you’re being laid off. But rushing through the decision will lead to poor choices you may regret later. Be intentional about your next employer. Once you feel emotionally prepared to take on this challenge, do your homework. Previously published . here

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Got Laid Off? Here's How to Get Back on the Job Horse

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Vinita Bansal

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