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Good Cold Email: Can You Write It In Less Than 21 Words? by@aditi_syal

Good Cold Email: Can You Write It In Less Than 21 Words?

Aditi Hacker Noon profile picture


Copywriter at Concurate.

I came across a wonderful way of writing a short, sweet, and powerful cold email. Thought it might interest you, so here I am. :) Happiness for me is to share every interesting thing I learn!

Cold Email In Less Than 21 Words

Can you write a good cold email that's less than 21 words?

An email that looks like a text.

Sounds unbelievable?

Here's how.

First We Need A Person:

A triathlete.

Who Has A Job To Be Done:

Swim with confidence.

That's Getting The Job Done By:

Wearing goggles.

With A Problem They're Living With Because They Don't Know A Better Way:

Goggles that leak on one side, that hurt halfway through your workout, that leave goggle marks for hours.

What's Better?

Snake & Pig Goggles. Less one-side leaking. Comfort, not goggle marks.

Step 1: Go to the Snake & Pig testimonials page.

Step 2: Leverage a quote in your email.

Cold Email | Like this:

“Jenna - Noticed you’re swimming 6k m/week. Triathletes are using S&P goggles to eliminate raccoon eyes/one side leaks. Ernesto loves them. Interested?”

Your turn. Write your email in the comments. I'll give you feedback.

The Rules | Cold Email

  • Customer's words, not your words.
  • Less than 21 words.
  • Aggressively cut fluff.
  • Be informal.

Let Me Apply This To Learn It Better

I am going to write it for a company (let's call it 'dhansu' - Hindi slang word for extraordinary) that sells Inbound Marketing Services.

First We Need A Person:

The ideal buyer persona for such a marketing company is the founder/CEO of the small to medium-size (services) enterprise.

Let's call him Gabriel. (Imaginary.)

Who Has A Job To Be Done:

They want to get more visitors to their website and convert the website traffic into customers.

That's Getting The Job Done By:

They understand content writing is a part of inbound marketing. They have hired some writers also to do. But they are not getting the expected results.

With A Problem They're Living With Because They Don't Know A Better Way:

The most probable reason for marketing efforts not reaping expected results is missing creativity and not a well-thought content strategy.

What's Better?

The company called "Dhansu" (as we named it earlier) is super creative in its marketing services. They know how to increase the visibility of their clients in front of probable customers. They know how to write hot content; as hot as freshly baked cookies. And mind you, all these are not empty words, the company has a proven track record.

Now, let's try to write the 21 word cold email for the company - "Dhansu".

Cold Email | Like this:

Gabriel - Gyson acquired 29 new customers (t= 18 months). I can share how. Will you be open for Zoom (~ 40 mins) with us?

- [email protected]

It's Your Turn Now

We just showed you how to write a powerful cold email in less than 21 words. It's your turn now. Share it with us in the comments below and we shall help you improve it (if needed).

The Irony

Writing a cold email for inbound marketing services. :) I feel inbound and outbound go hand in hand. What are your thoughts? What does your experience say?