So, you want to launch your own token? You totally can! And even better, you might make a fortune — up to an impressive $2 if you convince your friend to buy some (before transaction fees). Trust me, I’m Head of Marketing at Web3 marketing agency — I know exactly what to do. Just follow these five simple steps, and you’ll be well on your way to... well, probably nothing. How to Launch a Token 1) Many crypto gurus use ChatGPT to create a name and concept for their tokens. Be more creative! Coming up with a token name is hard. You need something that sounds futuristic but also slightly scammy. Many so-called "crypto experts" just ask ChatGPT for ideas, but let’s be honest — it’s overused. Do you really want to launch QuantumX or MetaDoge like a thousand others? No. You’re better than that. Use DeepSeek instead! You can get some unique creative names for your token, such as 比特币 or 以太坊! And don’t forget the concept! Make it something vague yet ambitious. Say it will "redefine decentralized finance" or "bring real-world utility to Web3". Honestly, you can write anything/ No one actually reads the whitepaper anyway. 2) Copy Ethereum code. Just change the name Blockchain development is hard. You have to spend years mastering programming and crypto. We don’t have so much time. We need money now! Good thing someone already did the hard work for you. Ethereum’s code is open-source, which means you can copy it, rename it, and pretend you invented something new. That’s basically how half the tokens out there were born. No need to reinvent the wheel — just tweak a few lines, slap your fancy DeepSeek-generated name on it, and boom! You created a new revolutional token. If anyone asks about security or scalability, just throw around words like “layer 3” “quantum computing” and “AI”. They’ll nod like they understand. And remember, the less effort you put into real development, the more time you have for what actually matters — hyping it up. 3) Add liquidity. You should add at least $1 million to start with Nobody wants to buy a token with zero liquidity. That’s like opening a casino with no cash to pay out winnings. Big players need to see big numbers. So, be smart — throw in at least $1 million to make it look serious. Where do you get that money? Well, if you have it — great! If not, time to get creative. Convince some early investors, or just take out a loan. Now, here’s the best part: if your token actually takes off, you’re a genius. If not, well… at least you contributed to decentralization! 4) Launch marketing. To be more specific, tell all your friends about this token Why waste money on a marketing agency when you have friends? Just tell everyone you know about your token. Annoy them in group chats. Spam Twitter. Drop random comments under influencer posts. Let the rumors spread. Soon everyone will talk about your token. FOMO is your best marketing strategy. Once a few people start talking about it, others will jump in just to avoid "missing out." If you're lucky, some random YouTuber will make a video about your project. If you're really lucky, an actual whale may invest $30-50. Either way, the goal is simple: make as much noise as possible with as little effort as possible. And remember: if the price starts pumping, tweet something like “big things coming”. If it’s dumping, also tweet “big things coming”. This always works. 5) Disappear (like Satoshi Nakamoto did) At some point, people will start asking uncomfortable questions. “What’s the roadmap?” “When is the next update?” “Why is the liquidity pool empty?” That’s your cue to vanish. Satoshi did it, and look how that turned out. Legends aren’t made by sticking around and answering support tickets. Delete all your accounts, wipe your Twitter, and maybe move to a country with no extradition laws (just in case). And that’s it! Congratulations, you’ve successfully launched a token and — if you followed all the steps correctly — earned exactly $0! So, you want to launch your own token? You totally can! And even better, you might make a fortune — up to an impressive $2 if you convince your friend to buy some (before transaction fees). Trust me, I’m Head of Marketing at Web3 marketing agency — I know exactly what to do. Just follow these five simple steps, and you’ll be well on your way to... well, probably nothing. How to Launch a Token 1) Many crypto gurus use ChatGPT to create a name and concept for their tokens. Be more creative! Coming up with a token name is hard. You need something that sounds futuristic but also slightly scammy. Many so-called "crypto experts" just ask ChatGPT for ideas, but let’s be honest — it’s overused. Do you really want to launch QuantumX or MetaDoge like a thousand others? QuantumX MetaDoge No. You’re better than that. Use DeepSeek instead! You can get some unique creative names for your token, such as 比特币 or 以太坊! And don’t forget the concept! Make it something vague yet ambitious. Say it will "redefine decentralized finance" or "bring real-world utility to Web3" . Honestly, you can write anything/ No one actually reads the whitepaper anyway. "redefine decentralized finance" "bring real-world utility to Web3" 2) Copy Ethereum code. Just change the name Blockchain development is hard. You have to spend years mastering programming and crypto. We don’t have so much time. We need money now! Good thing someone already did the hard work for you. Ethereum’s code is open-source, which means you can copy it, rename it, and pretend you invented something new. That’s basically how half the tokens out there were born. copy it, rename it, and pretend you invented something new. No need to reinvent the wheel — just tweak a few lines, slap your fancy DeepSeek-generated name on it, and boom! You created a new revolutional token. If anyone asks about security or scalability, just throw around words like “layer 3” “quantum computing” and “AI”. They’ll nod like they understand. And remember, the less effort you put into real development, the more time you have for what actually matters — hyping it up. 3) Add liquidity. You should add at least $1 million to start with 3) Add liquidity. You should add at least $1 million to start with Nobody wants to buy a token with zero liquidity. That’s like opening a casino with no cash to pay out winnings. Big players need to see big numbers. So, be smart — throw in at least $1 million to make it look serious. Big players need to see big numbers. Where do you get that money? Well, if you have it — great! If not, time to get creative . Convince some early investors, or just take out a loan. get creative Now, here’s the best part: if your token actually takes off, you’re a genius. If not, well… at least you contributed to decentralization! 4) Launch marketing. To be more specific, tell all your friends about this token 4) Launch marketing. To be more specific, tell all your friends about this token Why waste money on a marketing agency when you have friends ? Just tell everyone you know about your token. Annoy them in group chats. Spam Twitter. Drop random comments under influencer posts. Let the rumors spread. Soon everyone will talk about your token. friends FOMO is your best marketing strategy. Once a few people start talking about it, others will jump in just to avoid "missing out." If you're lucky, some random YouTuber will make a video about your project. If you're really lucky, an actual whale may invest $30-50. Either way, the goal is simple: make as much noise as possible with as little effort as possible. And remember: if the price starts pumping, tweet something like “big things coming”. If it’s dumping, also tweet “big things coming”. This always works. 5) Disappear (like Satoshi Nakamoto did) 5) Disappear (like Satoshi Nakamoto did) At some point, people will start asking uncomfortable questions. “ What’s the roadmap?” “When is the next update?” “Why is the liquidity pool empty?” That’s your cue to vanish. What’s the roadmap?” “When is the next update?” “Why is the liquidity pool empty?” Satoshi did it, and look how that turned out. Legends aren’t made by sticking around and answering support tickets. Delete all your accounts, wipe your Twitter, and maybe move to a country with no extradition laws (just in case). And that’s it! Congratulations, you’ve successfully launched a token and — if you followed all the steps correctly — earned exactly $0! earned exactly $0!

This piece was written for humor or satire and may include nonfactual statements, stories, or anecdotes.

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