1 - Focus on growth Spend at least 4 hours a day on Twitter, LinkedIn, and Reddit, insisting that my devtool is the best one out there and that anyone who doesn't use it is a complete idiot. 2 - Network like crazy Attend every single tech conference and networking event, even if it means skipping my child's school play or my spouse's birthday. After all, it's all about getting those valuable connections! 3 - Innovate Constantly come up with new features and updates for my devtool, even if it means ignoring the needs and wants of my customers. Insist that my vision is the only one that matters. 4 - Prioritize the customer Constantly bombard my customers with emails, calls, and pop-ups, insisting that they need to upgrade to the latest version of my devtool or they'll be left behind. 5 - Cut costs Fire my entire customer support team and instead hire a group of unpaid interns to deal with complaints and technical issues. Tweet about how I'm giving back to the community and helping the next generation of developers. 6 - Embrace the hustle Work 16 hours a day, every day, insisting that it's all necessary to achieve success. Ignore any complaints from my family or friends about neglecting my personal life. 7 - Stay healthy Eat nothing but protein bars and energy drinks, because who has time to sit down and eat a proper meal? Exercise is for wimps, anyway. 8 - Stay relevant Follow every single trend and buzzword in the tech industry, even if it means completely changing the direction of my company. After all, it's all about staying on top of the game! Image credit, for Prompt of “tongue in cheek.” HackerNoon Stable Diffusion

This story contains new, firsthand information uncovered by the writer.

Try my dev tool

Read My Stories

My website builder

Too Long; Didn't Read

Questions about cloud security? Get answers here.

Eight Tongue in Cheek Founder Resolutions That Will Definitely Work in 2023

Too Long; Didn't Read

John Rush

STORY’S CREDIBILITY

Original Reporting

About Author

TOPICS

Languages

THIS ARTICLE WAS FEATURED IN...

Eight Tongue in Cheek Founder Resolutions That Will Definitely Work in 2023

Too Long; Didn't Read

John Rush

STORY’S CREDIBILITY

Original Reporting

About Author

TOPICS

Languages

THIS ARTICLE WAS FEATURED IN...

RELATED STORIES