Common Mistakes During 1:1 Meetings with Your Manager

When I joined a large tech company as an individual contributor a year ago, I was introduced to the new world of 1:1 meetings. At first, it felt awkward — what do I even talk about for 30-60 minutes every week? Can't we just occasionally meet when there's something important to discuss?

After some experimentation, I've discovered ways to make the most out of these meetings. I've shared these ideas with my colleagues and mentees, and they've found them to be quite insightful.

So, without further ado, here are the most common mistakes to avoid during 1:1 meetings with your manager.

Not taking notes ❌

Okay, let’s start with a simple one. Taking notes during any meeting is crucial. And that includes your 1:1 meetings as well.

Here's why:

• You don’t miss important details: 1:1 meetings are usually quite rich in insightful discussions, and it's all too easy to let important details slip your mind before the next session or performance review. Taking notes will make sure you don’t forget key things;

  
  

• You get some extra time to process information: Sometimes, I leave a meeting feeling like something is wrong about our conclusions, as if things do not add up, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Taking the time to write down my thoughts helps me think of more questions that I ask on the spot to get the full picture of our discussion.

  
  

• Your manager can validate your notes: When your manager reads your notes, they can confirm that everything discussed is accurately captured. This means there's less chance of them forgetting any important points you’ve discussed, like conditions for your promotion.

So go ahead and create a Google Doc and use the date of your next 1:1 meeting as the header! Jot down your discussion in bullet points and share the doc with your manager, so they can add their own comments and validate the notes.

Pro tip: Keep the doc just a couple of clicks away so you can easily add new agenda items throughout the week. Sometimes, the most important thoughts come to you when you least expect it!

Letting your manager control the agenda ❌

Most of the people I talked to either don’t prepare an agenda for their 1:1 meetings or only come up with a couple of topics that would take no longer than 5 minutes to discuss. As a result, their meetings end up being dominated by discussions about current projects taking up to 80% of the time.

The 1:1 meeting is the time to focus on you! It's an opportunity for you to raise concerns and gain insights that will further help you advance in your career. If your manager wants to discuss project work, suggest scheduling a separate meeting for that. During the 1:1, prioritize topics that will help you grow and develop professionally.

Settling for superficial answers ❌

The questions discussed in 1:1 meetings are often complex and cannot be resolved in just 15 minutes. However, it doesn’t mean that you should be content with superficial answers. Often, the dialogue goes like this:

• You: I’d like to improve my “Business Understanding” levels by the next performance review. How can I achieve this?
• Manager: Hmm... "Business understanding" means <rephrased description>. Consider how you can showcase it in your work.

Most of the time, this kind of rephrased description does not provide any new insights, but your manager may feel that their work is done, and you know what to do next. It's important to ask yourself: "Do I have a clear action plan to move forward?" If the answer is "No,", keep asking clarifying questions. Some people hesitate to ask questions for fear of looking stupid, but I have found that the most seemingly foolish questions can lead to unexpected insights. Don't be afraid to ask.

It is important to note that some discussions might take more than one meeting simply because it can be challenging for your manager to come up with a solution on the spot. Please be prepared to raise the subject again and prompt your manager with various perspectives of the same question to help them to help you.

Not asking personal questions ❌

When I talk about managers with my mentees and teammates, they often refer to them as super-humans with an immense amount of power and influence. However, I prefer to treat my manager as just another teammate. And I’m usually quite curious about my teammates' professional and personal backgrounds. Managers are regular humans with their own history of successes and failures, and asking about them can help us connect with them better.

Other questions I love to ask my manager include "What are your professional goals for the next 6 months?" and "What's currently bothering you?". These questions allow me to gather more context, as well as help me better understand the person and their vision and come up with more compelling arguments during future conversations.

Managers also may face some personal or professional issues at some point, so it’s perfectly okay to reach out and ask, "Hey, you seem upset today. Is everything alright?". This usually leads to a more open discussion and makes the manager feel better at the same time.

Conclusion

At first, it may seem that the employee is the main beneficiary of 1:1 meetings, but keep in mind that managers are also assessed based on the progress of their reports. Therefore, it's important to hold your manager accountable and demand more from them. The tips I have shared here with you have helped many people; hope they become a great starting point for you to experiment with your own 1:1 meetings to maximize their value and advance your career.