A Framework That Will Help You Solve Your Problems The Right Way

The problem with problems is that we’ve all got them.

Just ask someone about their problems and they’re going to launch into a tirade. In fact, most people relate through complaining about problems in their lives, so you don’t even need to ask about them directly, they’re going to tell you (notice which person came to mind? Reduce that interaction to a minimum).

Subjectivity of Problems

But you probably noticed, what’s a problem for you might not necessarily be a problem for me. Some problems we share on a societal level like climate change. It’s a problem for someone in Pakistan getting flooded but not for someone who doesn’t believe in it. Or if my friend’s husband is out playing cricket on Sunday when she wants to go shopping is not a problem for me.

Problems are not objective, they’re subjective.

A collective can have a similar problem but it doesn’t mean everyone in the collective has that problem. So problems are not objective, they’re not true out there in reality. They’re true in our experience and created in language (thoughts and speech).

So if problems are subjective (my problem might not be your problem) and we bring them about through thinking/talking about them, we could try and change how we conceptualise and speak about our problem.

Story vs what happened

We don’t live and remember things as they happen. We take facts/events and add a story about them, run it in our head a million times and then walk around as if our story is what happened.

There are 4 elements to what happened - who/what/when/where.

In a story, there’s always the bad guy - you or someone else. And suffering.

For example, I did not grow up with a dad.

Fact: my dad was not present.

I never met my dad.

My mom was a single parent.

This is what happened.

A story I created around it:

This means I’m unlovable.

Men always abandon me.

He was a bad person and didn’t care about me.

This is a story.

My partner left me - what happened.

I was rejected - a story I created about what happened.

Of course, some stories work better than others, but essentially 👇

We create lots of these stories throughout our lives, some are small, and some are big. We then let those stories run our lives and create suffering! If I don’t look at the fact that my partner broke up with me and instead interpret it as I’m unlovable/rejected, I’m creating suffering for myself. Not the other person, ME.

Therefore, it could be helpful to separate what happened from a story. It’s not like the story will disappear but you’ll be much more in touch with reality. If you train yourself to do that over time, you’ll become more clear-minded.

Language

We also create problems in language. For example 👇

When we’re talking about something we want but (perceive that) can’t have we insert a but.

For example, I want to go on holiday but I don’t have the money - these feel connected like one is causing the other.

Let’s try a different way now: I want to go on holiday and I don’t have the money - the two don’t feel as connected, do they?

Another example: I want to apply for this job but I’m afraid I won’t get it.

What does being afraid of something have to do with applying for a job? They both have nothing to do with each other, yet when we link them through using ‘but’, we imply a causal effect and it feels like being afraid is in the way of getting a job.

X has nothing to do with Y. If we say I want X but Y - we create causation between X and Y. By saying this we bring this causation into lived reality. Shifting your language from but to and separates those realities.

To finish off

What I’m sharing is not the truth, but a different way to relate to problems. It’s a framework that once systematically applied and integrated into your mindset, will make the problems disappear. Language constructs our reality and how we use and relate to it has a lot to do with how far ahead we get life. Life contains suffering (according to Buddhists) so why self-create it?

Also publishedhere.