What I Think #GIRLBOSS is About

I have not seen GirlBoss, nor have I read the book. I actually plan on watching it because I imagine I’m going to have feminism about it.

Tracy was always an intense kid. Like, would get frustrated when her guinea pigs didn’t run the obstacle course she spent weeks designing and painting. Hours spent after school over the desk in her bedroom, she’s an only child, measuring, cutting, and rubber cementing pieces together to make platforms, jumps, and ramps. When it’s presented to the guinea pigs — Butterscotch, Honey, and Toffee — they sniffed it, and ran away. Then the guinea pigs started chewing on the obstacle course, Tracy had accidentally used cans of old lead-based paint she found in the back of the garage, and they keeled over dead two days later. THAT kind of intense. That’s Tracy. Accidentally poisoning prey animals in the hopes they will love her.

Tracy likes clothes. She likes clothes more than you. She spent years looking at old copies of Rolling Stone, focusing on the iconic looks of the 1960’s and 70’s, and playing the Doors on her dad’s record player. Her parents are still together, and they have no idea how why she has hyper-focus rivaled only by a very hungry shark. Tracy was always a good student but her eyes weren’t really on grades. Tracy always wanted to be a groupie but never “unclenched” enough to pursue the true vagabond lifestyle. Also, she didn’t like shitting outside at music festivals. However, she ticked all the boxes: tried some drugs, stayed out all night, and stole money from her parents’ wallets for beer. She wasn’t terribly bad, but there was a whole situation during prom season where she charged $1,200 to her mother’s credit card to buy a vintage dress off the Internet. It turned out to be a fake, Tracy got grounded, and the credit card company recovered the cash.

About one third of the way through this show, no one will really know why they are here. It’s a good thing this is a binge watching type deal but it’s going to require a lot of set up, as things about fashion often do. I can tell this is going to start off boring because there’s basically nothing else in this fucking poster but Tracy and her outfit. Tracy and her outfits are the only stars. Well, and her attitude. I am not saying the outfit isn’t good. I’m just saying it’s not a plot.

Tracy’s resourceful, you see. She wants to make money and to wear cool clothes. She’s the face of new Millennial, side-hustle-gone-main-hustle, entrepreneurial spirit. She is the walking lie that if you just work hard enough, and hustle on down, there is money to be made and it will be yours. The Internet has made it possible for even perfectly comfortable, middle-class, conventionally attractive, white girls to succeed. Tracy started at the middle, now she here.

Tracy is probably going to be unlikable the way all ambitious and intense women are unlikable. She will be strong-willed, and reckless. Swollen and saturated with her own hubris. However, unlike Mark Zuckerberg who just had to tolerate Rooney Mara giving him a speech about how no women will want to fuck him because he’s a verifiable shitstain, Tracy’s hubris will have consequences. Don’t get me wrong, I’d pay BIG MONEY to watch Rooney Mara tell Tracy that women won’t date her because she’s an asshole. Like, take my fucking money.

Screen grabs from the Social Network

But that’s not going to happen.

Of course, there will probably be a happy ending for Tracy but it won’t necessarily be financial success. She will fail hard and experience the sort of tragedy that parents bail their kids out of if they can. Tracy will forget this when she congratulates herself on the success of whatever her next venture is. Probably lifecoaching. In fact, she’ll get a boyfriend who loves her petite, lily-white, kinda selfish self, and she’ll get a dog and be fulfilled. With a man. But also gurl has those shoes.

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