What do you want from life?

And what’s stopping you.

It’s been almost a month since I started college. It’s frightening yet exciting at the same time. People around me keep on asking me what do I plan on doing after my graduation. I hate this question, it brings a fear inside me that was accompanied by anxiety, anxiety about the future, the most common and the most fearful.

So here’s the thing,

I don’t know what I want with my life.

All I know is that I want to live a different life. Go to college, get a job, marry, have children is the way society has taught us to live. Yes, this life is comfortable as hell and maybe some prefer this kind of life. Maybe I do that too sometimes. Sometimes.

And there’s this life which is for the rebels. Fuck college, go travel, meet new people and live an amazingly exciting and fast paced life. Yes, this life is excruciating as hell but maybe some prefer this kind of life. Maybe I do that too sometimes. Sometimes.

“man standing on rock formation with water falls” by Blake Cheek on Unsplash

But there’s this thing that keeps lurking at the backdoor of my brain. Both of these are planned by society. Not Me. Society.

The only difference is that the first one is recommended by adults and the second one is recommended by instagram.

That’s the thing that keeps messing me up. I don’t know what the hell I want with my life, all I know is that I want an original life. It may be a mix of both or completely different from each of them.

I don’t know what kind of life I want to live. Maybe I will never know. Maybe I will regret my decision when I am on my deathbed but at least it would be my decision. Not made by parents, friends or society as a whole.

My decision.

Also, another important thing.

You know how people keep telling you to push yourself and get out of comfort zone. Well society kinda plays a trick here. They want us to get out of our comfort zone but there’s a certain limit inside which they want us to play and make us feel that we are out of our comfort zone. Society wants you to get out of your comfort zone with which it itself is comfortable.

The real uncomfort zone. Now this is like Neo in the matrix. Red pill or blue pill. It’s going to be really difficult and agonizing. It’s alright if you don’t want it. Maybe( Probably) I also will be afraid of it too but the thing is that society hasn’t told us to go there.

I don’t know where there is, but I believe its somewhere and I hope it’s what I am looking for.

What’s stopping me from living it.

Well the first thing is that I don’t know what I want. And sometimes it makes my head explode and sometimes it’s bearable.

Also, I being a social being, have to live with other humans which sometimes don’t think the same way I do. But as I live with them, I am affected by their ideas and lifestyle which makes it difficult for me unless I am all alone which has its own downsides.

And, doing something different is also in someway told to us by society. So, while writing this, it occurred to me that maybe I have to align some of my goals with society’s. This way I am not called an outcast and a hippie but at the same time find what I am looking for.

On a side note, we are social beings and need to be accepted and loves to be accepted so it’s important that you are not come over as a total castaway. So that’s why its important to not come over as an outcast.

Thanks for reading. 😀

Check out my profile for more. Abhed Manocha