Unexpected Help from an Unlikely Source

Fritz opened his laptop and closed it for the fourth time in ten minutes. The PHP major upgrade wasn't going very well. He'd already upgraded the development environment, but the test environment had failed miserably. Fritz was certain that this was a problem with the application code, but he couldn't find the exact location of the problem. He doubted that a quick fix would be possible.

Fritz sighed and decided to take a break. He got up from his chair and walked to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. As he passed by the living room, he saw his girlfriend, Jill, watching TV.

"How's the upgrade going?" she asked.

"Not well," Fritz replied. "I'm not sure what the problem is, but it's definitely not going as planned."

"That's too bad," Jill said. "Do you think you'll be able to finish it today?"

"I'm not sure," Fritz said. "It might take a few days."

"Well, let me know if you need any help," Jill said. "I'm sure I can find something else to do."

"We're using a package and so many things depend on it. Now, with the upgrade it's not working anymore." He realized his wife as a graphic designer doesn't understand a word. He should call Max, his grumpy colleague. Or better yet, call Mrs Swetelski. He hasn't talked to her for many years. She was his teacher in high school, a very strict lady.

"I see," Jill said, not really understanding what her husband was talking about. "I'm sure you'll figure it out."

Fritz nodded and went to the kitchen. He poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table. He was still thinking about the upgrade when his phone rang.

"Hello?" he said, answering the phone.

"Hello, Fritz," a familiar voice said. "It's Mrs Swetelski."

"Mrs Swetelski!" Fritz said, surprised. "It's been a long time."

"Yes, it has," Mrs Swetelski said. "How are you?"

"I'm good," Fritz said. "I'm just working on a project and it's not going very well."

"I see," Mrs Swetelski said. "Well, I'm calling because I need your help."

"My help?" Fritz said. "With what?"

"I'm moving to a new house and I need someone to help me pack," Mrs Swetelski said. "I was hoping you could help me."

"Of course," Fritz said. "When do you need me?"

"As soon as possible," Mrs Swetelski said. "I'm moving in two days."

"I'll be there," Fritz said.

Fritz hung up the phone and sighed. He was not looking forward to packing.

Fritz was balancing three heavy cardboard boxes through the narrow hallway. Mrs Swetelski followed him a few steps behind, "These are the last ones. I am so grateful for your help. Then we sit down and you tell me everything about your life, your family, and the PHP upgrade that's bothering you."

"I don't know how long I can talk. I have a lot of things to do."

"You are so young. You need a rest. You are like a candle. You burn yourself."

"I'm fine."

"You are not fine. You need a wife."

"I don't need a wife. I have a girlfriend."

"You need a wife. A girl to look after you. To help you with your work. You must be tired. You are doing everything yourself. I know it. I can see it."

"I'm fine. Really. Thank you."

"A girl like Emily, maybe. Emily is a good girl. A nice girl."

"Emily is a student, Mrs Swetelski. She's a child."

"She is not a child. She is a beautiful girl, and a good girl, and she is very interested in you."

"Oh, she is?"

"Yes, she is. She asked me about you. She is a good girl. I know it."

"My life is complicated, Mrs Swetelski. Emily is not the kind of girl I can take out. Besides, I have Jill."

"Jill? Are you talking about the ..."

"Yes, Mrs. Swetelski."

"Ok, no more questions for the witness. Let's talk about the upgrade. What's wrong?"

"Well, it's just that the new version is really different from the old one, and I'm not sure if I can use it."

"How different is it?"

"Well, the syntax is different, and there are new functions."

"Ok, let me ask you this. Have you ever used a different programming language before?"

"Yes, I have."

"And did you have any trouble understanding the new syntax and functions?"

"No, I didn't."

"Ok, so I think you'll be just fine with the new PHP version. Just take some time to familiarize yourself with the new syntax and functions, and you'll be fine."

…to be continued