Of the falling away of Judas of Kerioth; and of the Times and Seasons

Philochristus: Memoirs of a Disciple of the Lord by Edwin Abbott Abbott is part of the HackerNoon Books Series. You can jump to any chapter in this book here. Of the falling away of Judas of Kerioth; and of the Times and Seasons; and of the Chief Places in the Kingdom; and how Jesus did and said nothing except it were prepared for him by the Father.

Of the falling away of Judas of Kerioth; and of the Times and Seasons; and of the Chief Places in the Kingdom; and how Jesus did and said nothing except it were prepared for him by the Father.

On the last day of the month Adar, as I remember, we left the young man Tobias behind us: and about three or four days afterwards, to wit on the third or fourth day of the month Nisan (which is the month of the Passover), we came down to the valley of Jordan over against Jericho. Now therefore there wanted but ten days to the fourteenth day of the month, which is the great day of the Passover. As the time drew nigh for our entering into Jerusalem, Judas began to complain very bitterly that Jesus neither strengthened nor encouraged his followers like a wise leader, but kept back some from following, and others, which followed, he made to be of a faint heart. Especially he reproached Jesus for that he did not set forth the Kingdom in clear words; “For,” said he, “two or three words would suffice, if Jesus would but tell us plainly the when and the where thereof; but now he speaketh darkly, saying at one time, that it is at hand; at another time, that it is among us; anon, that it is still distant; then, that we must strive to enter into it. Wherefore, to what is this Kingdom of God like? Even to a mist, which taketh many different shapes, because it hath no substance.”

Now Jesus seemed to me to perceive what was in the mind of Judas, and to be grieved thereat; but he took no note thereof in our presence, although Judas had been these many days turning his heart from our Master and inclining himself to leave him. For indeed he had by this time begun to repent that he had ever joined himself to Jesus. Notwithstanding even now, at certain seasons, while Jesus was speaking, Judas was drawn towards him as in old times; but, as it were, perforce, and in spite of himself. Hence it came to pass that he was sorely distracted in his mind, being tossed now this way, now that, like unto a troubled sea. For sometimes, upon no apparent cause, he would break out into protestations of love for Jesus; but at other times, when he thought no one was at hand (yea, and even in our hearing when the passion was on him) he would rage and fume that he had ever left Kerioth for to join such a leader as this, declaring that Jesus would ruin all them that followed him, and saying that he could well-nigh hate him as a blind leader of the blind.

Oftentimes hath it been marvelled how it should come to pass that Jesus should have chosen Judas to be one of his apostles; for he knew what was in men. Why therefore did our Master choose for an apostle one that should afterwards betray him? But the answer which Quartus giveth is this, that, at the first, perchance Jesus did not know that Judas would betray him; yea, and had not Judas hardened himself against Jesus, he might have become a chosen vessel of the Lord.

For, at the first, Judas was no traitor, nor like unto one that should be a traitor; but of a sanguine complexion and disposition, cheerful even to mirthfulness, and frank on a first acquaintance; not given to musing nor premeditating; but active and strenuous, and withal a lover of Israel: albeit perchance somewhat too ambitious and less ready in friendship than in counsel. From a child his mind was ever given to great purposes; and towards these ends he bent all his faculties: for he was of a deep understanding, skilled in the ways of men, and of a discerning spirit, quick to perceive what means were fit to accomplish his ends. But the mischief was that the power to understand was quicker in him than the power to love; for his understanding moved as a flame of fire, but his heart was very cold.

When he first became acquainted with our Master, he straightway clave unto him as unto a great leader of the people, who was like to redeem Sion. Howbeit his heart went not out to Jesus as the heart of John the son of Zebedee, and as the heart of Simon the son of Jonah. For I remember once, when I questioned Simon Peter for what cause he first joined himself to Jesus, Peter said, “Because he had been drawn unto Jesus he knew not how, and by the hand of the Lord”; but Judas said, “Nay, but thou speakest as a sheep or a goat, in whom there is feeling but no understanding: but I applied myself to him with deliberation, as deeming him to be the fittest instrument to do good unto Sion.”

Now perchance because Judas gave not so much of his heart unto our Master, for this cause he received not so much back again; wherefore he grew not in spirit like the rest, but went backward rather than forward. And when he found that Jesus of Nazareth was not to be used as an instrument, no not even to do good to Sion; then he began to repent that he had joined himself unto him. Afterwards, when Jesus first took upon him to forgive sins, this was, as it were, the turning-point in the course of Judas. For he was sore disturbed at that time, insomuch that he carried his searchings of heart written even upon his countenance. For he was much moved to have poured himself out before Jesus of Nazareth, beseeching him to take away the coldness of heart, and to give him a heart of flesh. Howbeit Satan hindered it, taking advantage of his pride; for the man was always very proud, and had hitherto been foremost among the apostles; nor could he brook now to step down from his high place and to make himself even as one of the sinners. Wherefore he opened himself not to Jesus, but hardened himself against the voice of the Lord within him.

Yet methinks the conflict was no light one in his heart; and even to the last, he could scarce refrain from giving himself up to Jesus. And, as it seemed to me, for this cause Jesus called him to be one of the Twelve, perceiving how great gifts the Lord had bestowed upon him, and also hoping, by this means, perchance, to have cast out the jealousy and the pride from his heart, and in the end, to have drawn him wholly towards himself. For if Judas could have felt that he was altogether trusted, even as the chief of all the apostles, then belike he would have cast away the pride whereon he clothed himself, and would have opened his heart to our Master; and then verily he would have been a light in Israel, not less than the greatest of the apostles. But it was not so to be; for it was otherwise willed by the Inscrutable.

So it came to pass that, from the time when he was rebuked by Jesus, as I have related above (though in truth the rebuke was not more for Judas than for the rest of the disciples), Judas withdrew himself more and more from Jesus and from the other disciples; neither would he speak freely nor ask questions as before, but he moved the other disciples to question Jesus in his stead. Yet notwithstanding when Jesus exhorted or rebuked us, Judas would ever take the rebuke unto himself above all, and say that Jesus pointed at him, though he did not mention him by name. Then would he fume and rage and depart in anger, and avoid the rest for many hours together. But when he came among the disciples, he would sow strife among us with speech of passion and jealousy; so that he was, as it were, a thorn in the side of the Master.

All this Jesus perceived, and grieved thereat. Yet he said nothing. And, as it seemed to me, his grief for Judas was swallowed up in another and a larger grief; which I understood not then, but now I understand in part. For Jesus at this time began to see more and more clearly that all or almost all in Israel should reject him; and that his disciples should prove faithless, at least for a time; and that he should bring troubles and sorrows and wars upon the earth, as well as joy and peace; and that the day of Deliverance and Redemption was further off than had been supposed. Howbeit, for all this, he turned not to the right hand nor to the left from the going up to Jerusalem: for he knew that the Lord God had an errand for him there; and that his death was to be for the life of men: and that the Lord would in the end give him the victory over all his enemies.

On the fourth day of the month Nisan, being (as I said above) the tenth day before the Passover, we set forth again on our journey to Jerusalem, and much people went with us. And when we came down from the mountains to Jordan, even to the fords of the river, then some expected that Jesus should have stretched out his hand and dried up the river, even as a certain Egyptian false prophet had lately promised to do; and likewise Elias in old times had dried up Jordan, and it had been also dried up at the word of the priests when Joshua passed over. (For both now, and before, and for a long time after, the minds of all in Israel were ready to expect any sign howsoever strange and monstrous, and to follow any that would profess to work such signs; insomuch that, about ten years ago, even on the very day that the Holy Temple was burned with fire by the Romans, even on that last day (as I have heard) a certain false Christ led some six thousand of my countrymen into one of the courtyards of the Temple, expecting a sign from heaven. So strong was faith in Israel; if it be faith indeed, to trust in any that profess to work signs and wonders.) Howbeit Jesus wrought neither this nor any other sign at this season, and we all passed over, even as the other pilgrims, by the fords; but with not a little difficulty and even some peril, for the river was marvellously swollen. Hereat some of the common people that were with us began to murmur, wondering when the time should come that Jesus should put away delays, and work such works as they expected from a Messiah.

When we came unto Gilgal we rested; but Judas made some pretext that he should go on to Jericho before us to prepare the way for Jesus; and, as I afterwards learned, he went to the house of a certain Scribe in Jericho one of his acquaintance, and a principal man among the Pharisees of that city, and he conversed with him a long time. The name of the Scribe was Azariah the son of Simon.

Now while we rested at Gilgal, we looked gladly upon Jericho, gazing at the forest of palm-trees which lay between us and the city. Much did we admire also the four towers of the city, which rose up straight to heaven on the other side of the forest, and the walls high and newly built; surrounded on all sides by thickets of balsam, and gardens of roses, and full of all delights. For the place knoweth not drought, by reason of the perpetual waters; but it is a paradise all the year round. Beyond Jericho, on the other side, we could see, rising up as it were over against us, the mountains that lead up to Jerusalem; insomuch that it was a saying with them of the Holy City that the sounds of the sacred music and the smell of the incense go down even to the men of Jericho. But the ascent is steep and the way bleak and barren, through cliffs and rocks on the right hand and on the left; where no trees are, nor any water; but robbers and murderers lurk at all times in the caves on the sides of the mountains, for to come down unawares upon the pilgrims and travellers which pass by that way. Then said Peter unto John, “Without doubt the Romans will not suffer us to go up; but they will fall upon us by the way. And should not the people be advised thereof, that they may stand upon their guard?” But John said nothing; notwithstanding, he seemed troubled that Jesus took no order for what was to come to pass upon our journey.

When we came unto Jericho, behold, the people had been advised of our coming, and on both sides of the road there was gathered together a great multitude to see Jesus as he passed; and the common people hailed him at this time by the name that was dearest unto the patriots of our nation, calling him a deliverer after the manner of David, and saying, “Hosanna, son of David.” But Azariah the son of Simon, who was of the acquaintance of Judas, was come forth also; and he saluted Jesus and besought him to eat bread in his house. Howbeit Jesus would not eat bread in the house of Azariah. For as he passed through the midst of the people, he had espied a certain man, by name Zacchæus, looking down upon him from a sycamore-tree, into the which he had climbed up, out of the fervency of his desire to see Jesus: and straightway he had called unto the man, and bidden him come down, saying that he must eat bread in the man’s house. Now the man was a tax-gatherer, as might have been seen by his dress and tablets, and indeed the crowd shouted aloud that he was a tax-gatherer, when they saw that Jesus had chosen him to eat bread in his house; and they were sore displeased at Jesus. Notwithstanding Jesus was constant in his purpose not to eat bread in the house of Azariah the Rabbi, but in the house of Zacchæus the publican. So Azariah dissembled his anger and came to the feast in the house of Zacchæus, and certain other Pharisees with him. Howbeit they themselves feasted not with the common people and the tax-gatherers; but they conversed with Jesus and asked him questions.

Now it came to pass, during the feast, that the heart of Zacchæus the tax-gatherer was turned unto Jesus (even as the heart of Barachiah the son of Zadok had been turned to Jesus in the house of Matthew the publican, as I related above): and he stood up and repented aloud of his evil deeds, and promised to make restitution, and that also not twofold but fourfold, saying moreover that he would give the half of his goods to the poor. And Jesus rejoiced at his words and said, “This day is salvation come unto this house, forasmuch as he also is a son of Abraham.”

Now while Jesus was saying these words, I took note that Judas was making signs unto Azariah; and Jesus had scarce made an end of speaking when Azariah (upon a set plan, as I conjecture, devised with Judas) said to him, “Thou sayest that the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand: tell us therefore when cometh it, and at what hour? So shall we be prepared and ready when it cometh.” But Jesus made answer to him and said, “The Kingdom of Heaven cometh not with observation. Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, Lo there! For behold” (and saying these words he pointed to Zacchæus) “the Kingdom of Heaven is within you.” At these words the face of Azariah was clouded with anger; for he had not attained that which he desired: and we also were somewhat sorry, for we had hoped that we should have heard some new thing. But Judas straightway went out of the chamber, not able to contain himself for displeasure.

When the guests and the Pharisees were gone forth, and we were alone with Jesus, we would have questioned him still further concerning this matter; but we were afraid. Howbeit many of the common people, yea and some also of ourselves, expected that on the morrow Jesus should have made an assault on the barracks of the guard in Jericho and on the king’s palace; or, at the least, that he should have suffered us to burn down the house of customs. But Jesus did none of these things: but on the morrow we set forth again to go up to Jerusalem. It was now the sixth day of the month Nisan, and the eighth day before the day of the Passover.

After we had journeyed for about an hour, the way being exceeding steep, and the sun (although it was not long risen) beating with an exceeding heat upon us, by reason of the rocks and cliffs around us and before us; it came to pass that we sat down to rest. And Jesus looked down upon Jericho, and on the palm-trees thereof and on the balsam-groves, and on all the gardens of the place, and then he turned and looked to the right hand upon the country where Jordan floweth into the Dead Sea, and he opened his mouth and taught us concerning the Kingdom of God. For he said that, as in old time the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah had been swallowed up in that same sea of destruction which we saw before our eyes, even so should it be hereafter: and the Kingdom of Heaven should come in a flash, even as the lightning which lighteneth out of the one part under heaven and shineth unto the other part under heaven. But first he said that trouble should come upon the disciples; for the Son of man should be rejected, and the days should come when we should desire to see one of the days of the Son of man, and should not see it. Most of all he lamented that in the darkness of that time there should be division in Israel, yea in every household and in every corner of Israel: “I tell you in that night there shall be two men in one bed; the one shall be taken and the other left. Two women shall be grinding together; the one shall be taken and the other left. Two men shall be in the field; the one shall be taken and the other left.”

Now this seemed quite contrary to the word which Jesus had spoken yesterday. For then Jesus had said that the Kingdom of God was within us; but now he said that it should come like the lightning. Howbeit, these latter words made us rejoice; for now again we were lifted up in our hearts, supposing that Jesus would work some sudden sign, to destroy our enemies in a moment of time. And Judas was now no longer able to constrain himself (for he had been sore displeased, even before, that the question of Azariah had not been answered by Jesus): therefore, when Jesus had made an end of speaking these words, how that “the one shall be taken and the other left,” supposing that now at last he should obtain to know that secret which he had so long desired to know, he leapt up in the vehemence of his desire, and cried aloud to Jesus, “Where, O Master?” But Jesus paused and looked steadfastly at him and said, “Wheresoever the body is, thither will the eagles be gathered together.” Saying these words, Jesus arose and turned his face from the Dead Sea and from the pleasant places of Jericho, and bent himself again to ascend the mountainous way which leadeth up to Bethany and thence to Jerusalem. But Judas remained behind standing in the same place, and there I saw him still standing and musing, long after the rest of the disciples had followed Jesus up the mountainous way.

When Judas at last overtook us, he complained much that Jesus knew in himself what was to come to pass, and yet hid it from his followers. “For,” said he, “we risk our lives for him, yet he trusteth us not.” Now we were displeased at the words of Judas; for we were assured that Jesus did all things for the best. Notwithstanding we were somewhat moved because Jesus thought not fit to tell us beforehand that which was to befall us in Jerusalem and on our journey to Jerusalem. And so it was that, while we were disputing, there was a great clamour in the front of our band, and a cry went up that the Romans were upon us; and straightway there was much stir of men putting themselves in order of defence (those at least that had arms), and certain of the women cried out for fear. And Peter said it was not unlikely that the Romans should fall upon us here; for this was the very place where they had laid ambush for Athronges and slain him; moreover one came running past us saying that he had seen the glittering of their helmets, and that they were lying in wait for us at the corner of the road. Howbeit the report was false; for there were no Romans, but some one had been deceived by the shining of the sun against the rocks, and so had caused all this stir.

Now Jesus was grieved when he saw that some of the disciples were afraid; and he rebuked us, bidding us not to fear destruction of body, but only destruction of soul. He himself also shewed no sign of fear, so that we marvelled at his steadfastness and stoutness of heart. Nevertheless Judas said that it would have been better if Jesus, being a prophet, had forewarned the multitude and had said unto them, “The Romans will not fall upon us save at Bethany, or so many furlongs on this side of Bethany; or, they will not fall upon us to-day, but to-morrow at the seventh hour, naming the place and time exactly:” and this, said Judas, would have been far better than that our band should thus be thrown into a confusion upon a mere rumour.

We said nothing against Judas; for we knew not what to say: neither do I perfectly know even to this day. But Quartus saith that “Jesus knew not all these things exactly, but only generally, and as it were on a large scale; as if a pilot, piloting a vessel into an haven, should know the winds, and the currents, and the shoals, and the aspect and form of the coast, but not all the pebbles upon the strand, nor even the very moment that the ship should come into the harbour. For by certain signs of the times,” said Quartus, “Jesus discerned of that which was to come, even as a wise mariner foretelleth the weather by the clouds, and winds, and the other signs in the heavens. Neither was Jesus like unto a magician or common enchanter, who pretendeth to change the course of things by his enchantment; but he was even as a Son of God, who can read what is in the book of the future, yea, and can shape the future, because he doeth all things in accordance with the invisible laws of God.”

Thus far Quartus; but concerning these things I know not, neither pronounce judgment. But let us return to our journey. Soon after these things, going to John the son of Zebedee, I found him conversing with his mother; and he received me with a constrained countenance not according to his custom. Presently I perceived that his mother desired him to do a certain thing, which he was loth to do. It seemed that Judas had been speaking to her, saying that it was fit that strife should be quenched among the disciples by determining once and for all who should have the first places in the Kingdom; for, said he, until this be settled, there must still be quarrelling among the disciples. For Simon Peter, forsooth, had supposed himself to be chief, because Jesus had blessed him and given unto him a title; but the sons of Zebedee had done no less deeds, and shewn no less zeal, than Peter; and they, as well as Peter, had received a title, having been called Sons of Thunder; wherefore then (said Judas) should they not claim the first places? For himself, he said, he had no thoughts about such high matters; for Jesus loved him not as the rest. Howbeit, he desired that the expedition should not fail owing to the strife among the disciples. Now Jesus had promised that if two or three of his disciples agreed touching anything they should ask, it should be done for them. Therefore he bade the mother of John go with her two sons to Jesus and ask of him a certain favour; and if Jesus granted it, then she was to ask that her two sons might be next to Jesus in the place of honour in the New Kingdom.

When James and John had been at last persuaded by their mother, they made their petition unto Jesus. But Jesus refused it, saying that to sit on his right hand and on his left hand was not his to give, save to those for whom it had been prepared by the Father. For he would do nothing unjustly, nor out of respect for persons; but here, as in all things, he desired to conform himself to the unseen ordinances of the Father. And herein Jesus shewed himself very different from that which he was supposed to be by Jonathan the son of Ezra. For Jonathan supposed that he was misled by his desires, and that whatsoever things seemed to Jesus desirable, these Jesus fancied to be true: but it was not so; for no one ever saw, more clearly than Jesus, that which must needs be. Only he rebelled not against it, but willingly submitted himself to it and embraced it, as being the will of the Father, and therefore very good. For this cause both now and at other times, he spake of all his words and works as being prepared for him; saying that he could neither do nor say anything of himself, but only that which the Father had prepared. Also I marked, both at this time and often before and after, how Jesus joined together in himself virtues that mix not well together in the minds of most. For with most men a nature that judgeth well and wisely is somewhat cold; and they which love warmly, love neither wisely nor well, but are fond. But with Jesus it was not so: for the more he loved men, the more he loved justice and truth; because, as I suppose, his love of men on earth sprang out of his love of Him in heaven whose name is Truth and Justice.

On this same day Jesus spake much concerning that which was to come; and all his words tended to sadness. For he lamented over the divisions among his disciples, and the divisions that should be in the world, saying that it was as if he had not come to bring peace but a sword; yea, and that he had verily come to kindle a fire upon the earth. Moreover of the day of Redemption he spake as though it were a great way off, and the disciples would need to wait long for it, and to watch, and to pray, and to resist many temptations. Howbeit in every parable he spake confidently of a certain day of Decision or Judgment, when the good should be separated from the evil, and the evil should be cast into the fire, but the good should be preserved for everlasting life.

These things he said to all the disciples; but when the Twelve, and we that were always with him, were come to him in the inn where he rested during the heat of the noontide, he spake privately to us concerning our disputings and contentions among ourselves. For he had noted how sorely the rest of the apostles were displeased at John and James; and also at other times he had perceived that we were jealous one of another. Wherefore he besought us (and as it seemed to me there were even tears in his eyes) to be at peace among ourselves. Moreover he spake about himself, saying that he had a cup of sorrow to drink and a baptism of suffering to be baptized withal, and that he had come to give his life a ransom for the multitude. Therefore if any man among us desired to be chief of all and foremost of all, he desired that man to be foremost in serving, and in ministering, and in suffering; even as he also came to be a sufferer and a minister for the multitude.

Then he besought us with great passion and fervency to suffer nothing to come between us and our entrance into the Kingdom, saying that it were better for us to cut off our right hand or pluck out our right eye and so to enter into life, rather than to enter with two eyes and hands into darkness, into the valley of Hinnom, where the worm ceaseth not and the fire is not quenched. Finally, he lamented over the world, how that it was not fit to be a sacrifice to the Father because it was not salted; and he called us the salt of the world: “But if,” said he, “the salt hath lost its savour, wherewith shall the salting be performed?”

Now some of his words were hidden from us, but these last were easy to understand. And we were ashamed of our disputings, and because we were not like unto our Master in singleness of heart. Judas also himself seemed to be moved somewhat at the time: yet, soon after, he spake again as before, saying that it was impossible to obey Jesus, because Jesus said at one time one thing and at another time another; “Wherefore,” added Judas, “inasmuch as our Master will neither plan nor perform aught to do good unto himself, methinks it is meet that we his disciples should strive to do him good, even though it be against his own will.”

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