ON THE MANAGEMENT OF YOUNG CHILDREN.

A Treatise on Domestic Economy; For the Use of Young Ladies at Home and at School by Catharine Esther Beecher, is part of the HackerNoon Books Series. You can jump to any chapter in this book . ON THE MANAGEMENT OF YOUNG CHILDREN. here CHAPTER XX. ON THE MANAGEMENT OF YOUNG CHILDREN. In regard to the physical education of children, Dr. Clarke, Physician in Ordinary to the Queen of England, expresses views, on one point, in which most physicians would coincide. He says, "There is no greater error in the management of children, than that of giving them animal diet very early. By persevering in the use of an overstimulating diet, the digestive organs become irritated, and the various secretions, immediately connected with, and necessary to, digestion, are diminished, especially the . Children, so fed, become very liable to attacks of fever, and of inflammation, affecting, particularly, the mucous membranes; and measles, and the other diseases incident to childhood, are generally severe in their attack." biliary secretion There are some popular notions on the subject of the use of animal food, which need to be corrected. One mistake, is, in supposing that the formation of the human teeth and stomach indicate that man was designed to feed on flesh. Linnæus says, that the organization of man, when compared with other animals, shows, that "fruits and esculent vegetables constitute his most suitable food." Baron Cuvier, the highest authority on comparative anatomy, says, "the natural food of man, , appears to consist of fruits, roots, and other succulent parts of vegetables." judging from his structure Another common mistake, is, that the stimulus of animal food is necessary for the full developement of the physical and intellectual powers. This notion is disproved by facts. The inhabitants of Lapland and Kamtschatka, who live altogether on animal food, are among the smallest, weakest, and most timid, of races. But the Scotch Highlanders, who, in a very cold climate, live almost exclusively on milk and vegetable diet, are among the bravest, largest, and most athletic, of men. The South-Sea Islanders, who live almost exclusively on fruits and vegetables, are said to be altogether superior to English sailors, in strength and agility. An intelligent gentleman, who spent many months in Siberia, testifies, that no exiles endure the climate better than those, who have all their lives been accustomed to a vegetable diet. The stoutest and largest tribes in Africa, live solely on vegetable diet, and the bright, intelligent, and active Arabs, live entirely on milk and vegetables. The popular notion is, that animal food is more nourishing than vegetable; but on this point, scientific men hold different opinions. Experiments, repeatedly made by some chemists, seem to prove the contrary. Tables have been prepared, showing the amount of nutriment in each kind of food, by which it would appear, that, while beef contains thirty-five per cent. of nutritious matter, wheat-bread and rice contain from eighty to ninety-five per cent. The supposed mistake is attributed to the fact, that, on account of the stimulating nature of animal food, it digests easier and more quickly than vegetables. Many physicians, however, among them, Dr. Combe, are of opinion, that animal food "contains a greater quantity of nutriment in a given bulk, than either herbaceous or farinaceous food." In some diseases, too, meat is better for the stomach than vegetables. [O] The largest proportion of those, who have been remarkable for having lived to the greatest age, were persons, whose diet was almost exclusively vegetables; and it is a well-known fact, that the pulse of a hardy and robust man, who lives on simple vegetable diet, is from ten to twenty beats less in a minute, than that of men who live on a mixed diet. In regard to the intellect, Dr. Franklin asserted, from experience, that an exclusively vegetable diet "promotes clearness of ideas and quickness of perception; and is to be preferred, by all who labor with the mind." The mightiest efforts of Sir Isaac Newton, were performed, while nourished only by bread and water. Many other men, distinguished by intellectual vigor, give similar testimony. These facts show that animal food is not needful, to secure the perfect developement of mind or body. [P] The result of the treatment of the inmates of the Orphan Asylum, at Albany, is one, upon which all, who have the care of young children, should deeply ponder. During the first six years of the existence of this Institution, its average number of children was eighty. For the first three years, their diet was meat once a day, fine bread, rice, Indian puddings, vegetables, fruit, and milk. Considerable attention was given to clothing, fresh air, and exercise; and they were bathed once in three weeks. During these three years, from four to six children, and sometimes more, were continually on the sick-list; one or two assistant nurses were necessary; a physician was called, two or three times a week; and, in this time, there were between thirty and forty deaths. At the end of this period, the management was changed, in these respects:—daily ablutions of the whole body were practised; bread of unbolted flour was substituted for that of fine wheat; and all animal food was banished. More attention also was paid to clothing, bedding, fresh air, and exercise. The result was, that the nursery was vacated; the nurse and physician were no longer needed; and, for two years, not a single case of sickness or death occurred. The third year, also, there were no deaths, except those of two idiots and one other child, all of whom were new inmates, who had not been subjected to this treatment. The teachers of the children also testified, that there was a manifest increase of intellectual vigor and activity, while there was much less irritability of temper. Let parents, nurses, and teachers, reflect on the above statement, and bear in mind, that stupidity of intellect, and irritability of temper, as well as ill health, are often caused by the mismanagement of the nursery, in regard to the physical training of children. There is probably no practice, more deleterious, than that of allowing children to eat at short intervals, through the day. As the stomach is thus kept constantly at work, with no time for repose, its functions are deranged, and a weak or disordered stomach is the frequent result. Children should be required to keep cakes, nuts, and other good things which they may have to eat, till just before a meal, and then they will form a part of their regular supply. This is better, than to wait till after their hunger is satisfied by food, when they will eat their niceties merely to gratify the palate, and thus overload the stomach. In regard to the intellectual training of young children, some modification in the common practice is necessary, with reference to their physical wellbeing. More care is needful, in providing schoolrooms, and in securing more time for sports in the open air, during school hours. It is very important, to most mothers, that their young children should be removed from their care, during the six school hours; and it is very useful, to quite young children, to be subjected to the discipline of a school, and to intercourse with other children of their own age. And, with a suitable teacher, it is no matter how early children are sent to school, provided their health is not endangered, by impure air, too much confinement, and too great mental stimulus. well-ventilated In regard to the formation of the moral character, it has been too much the case, that the discipline of the nursery has consisted of disconnected efforts to make children either do, or refrain from doing, certain particular acts. Do this, and be rewarded; do that, and be punished; is the ordinary routine of family government. But children can be very early taught, that their happiness, both now and hereafter, depends on the formation of , and . And all the discipline of the nursery can be conducted by the parents, not only with this general aim in their own minds, but also with the same object daily set before the minds of the children. Whenever their wishes are crossed, or their wills subdued, they can be taught, that all this is done, not merely to please the parent, or to secure some good to themselves or to others; but as a part of that merciful training, which is designed to form such a character, and such habits, that they can hereafter find their chief happiness in giving up their will to God, and in living to do good to others, instead of living merely to please themselves. habits of submission, self-denial benevolence It can be pointed out to them, that they must always submit their will to the will of God, or else be continually miserable. It can be shown, how in the nursery, and in the school, and through all future days, a child must practise the giving up of his will and wishes, when they interfere with the rights and comfort of others; and how important it is, early to learn to do this, so that it will, by habit, become easy and agreeable. It can be shown, how children, who are indulged in all their wishes, and who are never accustomed to any self-denial, always find it hard to refrain from what injures themselves and others. It can be shown, also, how important it is, for every person, to form such habits of benevolence, towards others, that self-denial, in doing good, will become easy. Parents have learned, by experience, that children can be constrained, by authority and penalties, to exercise self-denial, for good, till a habit is formed, which makes the duty comparatively easy. For example, well-trained children can be accustomed to deny themselves tempting articles of food, which are injurious, until the practice ceases to be painful and difficult. Whereas, an indulged child would be thrown into fits of anger or discontent, when its wishes were crossed, by restraints of this kind. their own But it has not been so readily discerned, that the same method is needful, in order to form a habit of self-denial, in doing good to others. It has been supposed, that, while children must be forced, by , to be self-denying and prudent, in regard to their own happiness, it may properly be left to their own discretion, whether they will practise any self-denial in doing good to others. But the more difficult a duty is, the greater is the need of parental authority, in forming a habit, which will make that duty easy. authority In order to secure this, some parents turn their earliest efforts to this object. They require the young child always to offer to others a part of every thing which it receives; always to comply with all reasonable requests of others for service; and often to practise little acts of self-denial, in order to secure some enjoyment for others. If one child receives a present of some nicety, he is required to share it with all his brothers and sisters. If one asks his brother to help him in some sport, and is met with a denial, the parent requires the unwilling child to act benevolently, and give up some of his time to increase his brother's enjoyment. Of course, in such an effort as this, discretion must be used, as to the frequency and extent of the exercise of authority, to induce a habit of benevolence. But, where parents deliberately aim at such an object, and wisely conduct their instructions and discipline to secure it, very much will be accomplished. Religious influence should be brought to bear directly upon this point. In the very beginning of religious instruction, Jesus Christ should be presented to the child, as that great and good Being, who came into this world to teach children how to be happy, both here and hereafter. He, who made it His meat and drink to do the will of His Heavenly Father; who, in the humblest station, and most destitute condition, denied Himself, daily, and went about doing good; should constantly be presented as the object of their imitation. And as nothing so strongly influences the minds of children, as the sympathy and example of a friend, all those, who believe Him to be an , should avail themselves of this powerful aid. Under such training, Jesus Christ should be constantly presented to them, as their ever-watchful, tender, and sympathizing friend. If the abstract idea of an unembodied Spirit with the majestic attributes of Deity, be difficult for the mind of infancy to grasp, the simple, the gentle, the lovely, character of Christ, is exactly adapted to the wants and comprehension of a child. In this view, how touching is the language of the Saviour, to His misjudging disciples, "Suffer to come unto me!" present ever-present Saviour the little children In regard to forming habits of obedience, there have been two extremes, both of which need to be shunned. One is, a stern and unsympathizing maintenance of parental authority, demanding perfect and constant obedience, without any attempt to convince a child of the propriety and benevolence of the requisitions, and without any manifestation of sympathy and tenderness for the pain and difficulties which are to be met. Under such discipline, children grow up to fear their parents, rather than to love and trust them; while some of the most valuable principles of character, are chilled, or forever blasted. In shunning this danger, other parents pass to the opposite extreme. They put themselves too much on the footing of equals with their children, as if little were due to superiority of relation, age, and experience. Nothing is exacted, without the implied concession that the child is to be a judge of the propriety of the requisition; and reason and persuasion are employed, where simple command and obedience would be far better. This system produces a most pernicious influence. Children soon perceive the position, thus allowed them, and take every advantage of it. They soon learn to dispute parental requirements, acquire habits of forwardness and conceit, assume disrespectful manners and address, maintain their views with pertinacity, and yield to authority with ill-humor and resentment, as if their rights were infringed. The medium course, is, for the parent to take the attitude of a superior, in age, knowledge, and relation, who has a perfect right to control every action of the child, and that, too, without giving any reason for the requisitions. "Obey, ," is always a proper and sufficient reason. because your parent commands But care should be taken, to convince the child that the parent is conducting a course of discipline, designed to make him happy; and in forming habits of implicit obedience, self-denial, and benevolence, the child should have the reasons for most requisitions kindly stated; never, however, on the demand of it, from the child, as a right, but as an act of kindness from the parent. It is impossible to govern children properly, especially those of strong and sensitive feelings, without a constant effort to appreciate the value which they attach to their enjoyments and pursuits. A lady, of great strength of mind and sensibility, once told the writer, that one of the most acute periods of suffering, in her whole life, was occasioned by the burning up of some milkweed-silk, by her mother. The child had found, for the first time, some of this shining and beautiful substance; was filled with delight at her discovery; was arranging it in parcels; planning its future uses, and her pleasure in showing it to her companions,—when her mother, finding it strewed over the carpet, hastily swept it into the fire, and that, too, with so indifferent an air, that the child fled away, almost distracted with grief and disappointment. The mother little realized the pain she had inflicted, but the child felt the unkindness, so severely, that for several days her mother was an object almost of aversion. While, therefore, the parent needs to carry on a steady course, which will oblige the child always to give up its will, whenever its own good, or the greater claims of others, require it, this should be constantly connected with the expression of a tender sympathy, for the trials and disappointments thus inflicted. Those, who will join with children, and help them along in their sports, will learn, by this mode, to understand the feelings and interests of childhood; while, at the same time, they secure a degree of confidence and affection, which cannot be gained so easily, in any other way. And it is to be regretted, that parents so often relinquish this most powerful mode of influence, to domestics and playmates, who often use it in the most pernicious manner. In joining in such sports, older persons should never relinquish the attitude of superiors, or allow disrespectful manners or address. And respectful deportment is never more cheerfully accorded, than in seasons, when young hearts are pleased, and made grateful, by having their tastes and enjoyments so efficiently promoted. Next to the want of all government, the two most fruitful sources of evil to children, are, in government, and . Most of the cases, in which the children of sensible and conscientious parents turn out badly, result from one or the other of these causes. In cases of unsteady government, either one parent is very strict, severe, and unbending, and the other excessively indulgent, or else the parents are sometimes very strict and decided, and at other times allow disobedience to go unpunished. In such cases, children, never knowing exactly when they can escape with impunity, are constantly tempted to make the trial. unsteadiness over-government The bad effects of this, can be better appreciated, by reference to one important principle of the mind. It is found to be universally true, that, when any object of desire is put entirely beyond the reach of hope or expectation, the mind very soon ceases to long for it, and turns to other objects of pursuit. But, so long as the mind is hoping for some good, and making efforts to obtain it, any opposition excites irritable feelings. Let the object be put entirely beyond all hope, and this irritation soon ceases. In consequence of this principle, those children, who are under the care of persons of steady and decided government, know, that whenever a thing is forbidden or denied, it is out of the reach of hope; the desire, therefore, soon ceases, and they turn to other objects. But the children of undecided, or of over-indulgent parents, never enjoy this preserving aid. When a thing is denied, they never know but either coaxing may win it, or disobedience secure it without any penalty, and so they are kept in that state of hope and anxiety, which produces irritation, and tempts to insubordination. The children of very indulgent parents, and of those who are undecided and unsteady in government, are very apt to become fretful, irritable, and fractious. Another class of persons, in shunning this evil, go to the other extreme, and are very strict and pertinacious, in regard to every requisition. With them, fault-finding and penalties abound, until the children are either hardened into indifference of feeling, and obtuseness of conscience, or else become excessively irritable, or misanthropic. It demands great wisdom, patience, and self-control, to escape these two extremes. In aiming at this, there are parents, who have found the following maxims of very great value. First, Avoid, as much as possible, the multiplication of rules and absolute commands. Instead of this, take the attitude of advisers. "My child, this is improper, I wish you would remember not to do it." This mode of address answers for all the little acts of heedlessness, awkwardness, or ill-manners, so frequently occurring, with children. There are cases, when direct and distinct commands are needful; and, in such cases, a penalty for disobedience should be as steady and sure as the laws of Nature. Where such steadiness, and certainty of penalty, attend disobedience, children no more think of disobeying, than they do of putting their fingers in a burning candle. The next maxim, is, Govern by rewards, more than by penalties. Such faults as wilful disobedience, lying, dishonesty, and indecent or profane language, should be punished with severe penalties, after a child has been fully instructed in the evil of such practices. But all the constantly-recurring faults of the nursery, such as ill-humor, quarrelling, carelessness, and ill-manners, may, in a great many cases, be regulated by gentle and kind remonstrances, and by the offer of some reward for persevering efforts to form a good habit. It is very injurious and degrading to any mind, to be kept under the constant fear of penalties. and are the principles that should be mainly relied on, in forming the habits of childhood. Love hope Another maxim, and perhaps the most difficult, is, Do not govern by the aid of severe and angry tones. A single example will be given to illustrate this maxim. A child is disposed to talk and amuse itself, at table. The mother requests it to be silent, except when needing to ask for food, or when spoken to by its older friends. It constantly forgets. The mother, instead of rebuking, in an impatient tone, says, "My child, you must remember not to talk. I will remind you of it four times more, and after that, whenever you forget, you must leave the table, and wait till we are done." If the mother is steady in her government, it is not probable that she will have to apply this slight penalty more than once or twice. This method is far more effectual, than the use of sharp and severe tones, to secure attention and recollection, and often answers the purpose, as well as offering some reward. The writer has been in some families, where the most efficient and steady government has been sustained, without the use of a cross or angry tone; and in others, where a far less efficient discipline was kept up, by frequent severe rebukes and angry remonstrances. In the first case, the children followed the example set them, and seldom used severe tones to each other; in the latter, the method employed by the parents, was imitated by the children; and cross words and angry tones resounded from morning till night, in every portion of the household. Another important maxim, is, Try to keep children in a happy state of mind. Every one knows, by experience, that it is easier to do right, and submit to rule, when cheerful and happy, than when irritated. This is peculiarly true of children; and a wise mother, when she finds her child fretful and impatient, and thus constantly doing wrong, will often remedy the whole difficulty, by telling some amusing story, or by getting the child engaged in some amusing sport. This strongly shows the importance of learning to govern children without the employment of angry tones, which always produce irritation. Children of active, heedless temperament, or those who are odd, awkward, or unsuitable, in their remarks and deportment, are often essentially injured, by a want of patience and self-control in those who govern them. Such children, often possess a morbid sensibility, which they strive to conceal, or a desire of love and approbation, which preys like a famine on the soul. And yet, they become objects of ridicule and rebuke, to almost every member of the family, until their sensibilities are tortured into obtuseness or misanthropy. Such children, above all others, need tenderness and sympathy. A thousand instances of mistake or forgetfulness should be passed over, in silence, while opportunities for commendation and encouragement should be diligently sought. In regard to the formation of habits of self-denial, in childhood, it is astonishing to see how parents, who are very sensible, often seem to regard this matter. Instead of inuring their children to this duty, in early life, so that by habit it may be made easy in after-days, they seem to be studiously seeking to cut them off, from every chance to secure such a preparation. Every wish of the child is studiously gratified; and, where a necessity exists, of crossing its wishes, some compensating pleasure is offered, in return. Such parents, often maintain that nothing shall be put on their table, which their children may not join them in eating. But where, so easily and surely as at the daily meal, can that habit of self-denial be formed, which is so needful in governing the appetites, and which children must acquire, or be ruined? The food which is proper for grown persons, is often unsuitable for children; and this is a sufficient reason for accustoming them to see others partake of delicacies, which they must not share. Requiring children to wait till others are helped, and to refrain from conversation at table, except when addressed by their elders, is another mode of forming habits of self-denial and self-control. Requiring them to help others, first, and to offer the best to others, has a similar influence. In forming the moral habits of children, it is wise to take into account the peculiar temptations to which they are to be exposed. The people of this Nation are eminently a trafficking people; and the present standard of honesty, as to trade and debts, is very low, and every year seems sinking still lower. It is, therefore, pre-eminently important, that children should be trained to strict , both in word and deed. It is not merely teaching children to avoid absolute lying, which is needed. should be guarded against; and all kinds of little dishonest practices be strenuously opposed. A child should be brought up with the determined principle, never to , but to be content to live in an humbler way, in order to secure that true independence, which should be the noblest distinction of an American citizen. honesty All kinds of deceit run in debt There is no more important duty, devolving upon a mother, than the cultivation of habits of modesty and propriety in young children. All indecorous words or deportment, should be carefully restrained; and delicacy and reserve studiously cherished. It is a common notion, that it is important to secure these virtues to one sex, more than to the other; and, by a strange inconsistency, the sex most exposed to danger, is the one selected as least needing care. But a wise mother will be especially careful, that her sons are trained to modesty and purity of mind. But few mothers are sufficiently aware of the dreadful penalties which often result from indulged impurity of thought. If children, in life, can be preserved from licentious associates, it is supposed that their safety is secured. But the records of our insane retreats, and the pages of medical writers, teach, that even in solitude, and without being aware of the sin or the danger, children may inflict evils on themselves, which not unfrequently terminate in disease, delirium, and death. Every mother and every teacher, therefore, carefully avoiding all explanation of the mystery, should teach the young, that the indulgence of impure thoughts and actions, is visited by the most awful and terrific penalties. Disclosing the details of vice, in order to awaken dread of its penalties, is a most dangerous experiment, and often leads to the very evils feared. The attempts made, in late years, to guard children from future dangers, by circulating papers, and books of warning and information, have led to such frightful results, that it is hoped the experiment will never again be pursued. The safest course, is, to cultivate habits of modesty and delicacy, and to teach, that all impure thoughts, words, and actions, are forbidden by God, and are often visited by the most dreadful punishment. At the same time, it is important for mothers to protect the young mind from false notions of delicacy. It should be shown, that whatever is necessary, to save from suffering or danger, must be met, without shame or aversion; and that all, which God has instituted, is wise, and right, and pure. future It is in reference to these dangers, that mothers and teachers should carefully guard the young from those highly-wrought fictions, which lead the imagination astray; and especially from that class of licentious works, made interesting by genius and taste, which have flooded this Country, and which are often found on the parlor table, even of moral and Christian people. Of this class, the writings of Bulwer stand conspicuous. The only difference, between some of his works and the obscene prints, for vending which men suffer the penalties of the law, is, that the last are so gross, as to revolt the taste and startle the mind to resistance, while Bulwer presents the same ideas, so clothed in the fascinations of taste and genius, as most insidiously to seduce the unwary. It seems to be the chief aim of this licentious writer, to make thieves, murderers, and adulterers, appear beautiful, refined, and interesting. It is time that all virtuous persons in the community should rise in indignation, not only against the writers, but the venders of such poison. About HackerNoon Book Series: We bring you the most important technical, scientific, and insightful public domain books. This book is part of the public domain. Catharine Esther Beecher (2007). A Treatise on Domestic Economy; For the Use of Young Ladies at Home and at School. Urbana, Illinois: Project Gutenberg. 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