Offering a different way to relate to some things in your life
The Happiness Trap
We hold ourselves hostage by waiting for ALL problems to be solved to be happy.
We do this on multiple levels. The big ones are I’ll be happy when I lose weight/graduate/have a husband/ have a business/get promoted etc.
On a day-to-day basis, we just try and plow through the day to be able to “relax” at the end of it.
We are hoping and striving to get to a point where we will no longer have problems in our lives and then be happy.
But that’s an illusion. No matter what you have and achieve, there will always be issues.
We can’t get happy. We can only BE happy now. Even if we have problems, insecurities, and something isn’t working.
The only time you reach a problem-free point is when you’re dead. Expecting problems to just disappear at some point is setting oneself up for failure. We will never get to a point where everything is solved. Let’s not put off our happiness.
Solution: become mindful of this, and when you remember throughout the day, just be here and now and ground yourself. You’re here, and all of this is going on, and you can BE happy NOW.
It’s a cliche, but your happiness DOES NOT depend on outside circumstances. It doesn’t even depend on your thoughts. It’s a state, a frame of mind you can choose to be in.
Everything comes and goes - thoughts/feelings/emotions.
I know you know this, but we rarely have this in our lived experience of life.
When something happens, that triggers our reaction, or sometimes we just wake up upset, instead of observing and noticing the feeling and letting it be, we start either judging ourselves or trying to get rid of it or decide well it’s just a bad day. We identify with the state.
What we don’t notice happening in the background is that we keep on feeding that thought and emotion and therefore continue staying angry/upset/disappointed.
Think of something you thought would never subside/be solved/go away that you experienced in the past and realize that it has. This is not a one-time realization. It’s something to remind yourself of over and over again.
Solution: catch yourself when you’re having a bad day, or someone triggered you and notice the feelings and thoughts - they go round and round in circles. Thinking what you would have said, having a fantasy argument, etc. You don’t need to stop it. You simply need to notice it and switch your attention elsewhere (to the things you DO want more of, for example). Our thoughts and feelings aren’t real they’re just mind-fabricated illusions we take as 100% truth.
Everything that’s occurring in your life is your responsibility
You’ve probably all heard coaches saying everything is your responsibility or you can only control how you respond etc., but sometimes it’s hard to understand what exactly it is that they mean. Did I call in that bad thing that happened to me?
But no. The word responsibility actually means response-ability -the ability to respond. So our ability to respond is what makes everything in our life our responsibility.
It is genuinely freeing once it becomes a lived experience. It’s a practice, not a point you just arrive at.
How are you creating this?
How am I creating this?
Mantra: My responsibility is limitless. If I am willing, I can respond to everything.
This is not the truth or anything. This is just a perspective to live from.
Everything that’s occurring in your life is created by who you are.
The truth would be that life just IS. We think that it is happening to us or for us, but life just IS, and things just ARE. Our incessant need to control life is what’s causing a lot of suffering/anxiety/judgment.
If we live from the premise that life just IS and we have the ability to respond to everything, we are free.
Money won’t solve your problems.
Or rather, they will only solve your financial problems. But most of us want more money expecting it’ll change how we feel internally: more secure, happier, confident, etc.
Listen to any podcast with a wealthy person, though. They all say the same thing: having more money didn’t change how they felt. In fact, sometimes, they become more miserable because the thing they thought would bring thedesired state didn’t do much.
Some people are rich and still feel like it isn’t enough - that’s because they’re trying to get safety and certainty (or something else they’re lacking psychologically), but it just never works.
The antidote is to create from an abundance mindset, not from expectation to get abundance (as we often do something in order to get something else).
How to switch to an abundance mindset?
We already have SO much. Instead of focusing on the things you don’t have, focus on the things you do have! Here’s an excerpt from my list:
- There’s no war in my country
- I go to the shops, and it’s full of food. I can choose what I want to eat
- I am healthy, and I can walk myself. I can see, hear, smell, and feel - think of the time when you cut your finger, for example - everything goes out of whack just because this one tiny bit of you isn’t fully functioning. Now appreciate how fucking amazing it is that this complicated mechanism called the body is working perfectly in sync to keep us alive!!
- I have a roof over my head and sleep in a bed
- I have friends that care about me, and I care about
- I have the capacity to experience love
- I have a family
- I have money in my bank account
- I speak English
- I have access to the Internet
- I can read and write, etc.
DO NOT take “simple” things for granted. You’re going to die one day, and everyone you know and love is going to die one day. What are you doing complaining about irrelevant shit?
For 2023 one of my intentions is for everyone around me to do really, really, really well. I’ll do anything to contribute to that. When the tide rises, all boats rise.
Also published here.