A Treatise on Domestic Economy; For the Use of Young Ladies at Home and at School by Catharine Esther Beecher, is part of the HackerNoon Books Series. You can jump to any chapter in this book here. ON DOMESTIC AMUSEMENTS AND SOCIAL DUTIES.
CHAPTER XXIII. ON DOMESTIC AMUSEMENTS AND SOCIAL DUTIES.
Whenever the laws of body and mind are properly understood, it will be allowed, that every person needs some kind of recreation; and that, by seeking it, the body is strengthened, the mind is invigorated, and all our duties are more cheerfully and successfully performed.
Children, whose bodies are rapidly growing, and whose nervous system is tender and excitable, need much more amusement, than persons of mature age. Persons, also, who are oppressed with great responsibilities and duties, or who are taxed by great intellectual or moral excitement, need recreations which secure physical exercise, and draw off the mind from absorbing interests. Unfortunately, such persons are those who least resort to amusements, while the idle, gay, and thoughtless, seek those which are needless, and for which useful occupation would be a most beneficial substitute.
As the only legitimate object of amusements, is, to prepare mind and body for the proper discharge of duty, any protracting of such as interfere with regular employments, or induce excessive fatigue, or weary the mind, or invade the proper hours for repose, must be sinful.
In deciding what should be selected, and what avoided, the following rules are binding. In the first place, no amusements, which inflict needless pain, should ever be allowed. All tricks which cause fright, or vexation, and all sports, which involve suffering to animals, should be utterly forbidden. Hunting and fishing, for mere sport, can never be justified. If a man can convince his children, that he follows these pursuits to gain food or health, and not for amusement, his example may not be very injurious. But, when children see grown persons kill and frighten animals, for sport, habits of cruelty, rather than feelings of tenderness and benevolence, are induced.
In the next place, we should seek no recreations, which endanger life, or interfere with important duties. As the only legitimate object of amusements, is to promote health, and prepare for more serious duties, selecting those which have a directly opposite tendency, cannot be justified. Of course, if a person feel that the previous day's diversions have shortened the hours of needful repose, or induced a lassitude of mind or body, instead of invigorating them, it is certain that an evil has been done, which should never be repeated.
A third rule, is, to avoid those amusements, which experience has shown to be so exciting, and connected with so many temptations, as to be pernicious in tendency, both to the individual and to the community. It is on this ground, that horse-racing and circus-riding are excluded. Not because there is any thing positively wrong, in having men and horses run, and perform feats of agility, or in persons looking on for the diversion; but because experience has shown so many evils connected with these recreations, that they should be relinquished. So with theatres. The enacting of characters, and the amusement thus afforded, in itself may be harmless; and possibly, in certain cases, might be useful: but experience has shown so many evils to result from this source, that it is deemed wrong to patronize it. So, also, with those exciting games of chance, which are employed in gambling.
Under the same head, comes dancing, in the estimation of the great majority of the religious world. Still, there are many intelligent, excellent, and conscientious persons, who hold a contrary opinion. Such maintain, that it is an innocent and healthful amusement, tending to promote ease of manners, cheerfulness, social affection, and health of mind and body; that evils are involved only in its excess; that, like food, study, or religious excitement, it is only wrong, when not properly regulated; and that, if serious and intelligent people would strive to regulate, rather than banish, this amusement, much more good would be secured.
On the other side, it is objected, not that dancing is a sin, in itself considered, for it was once a part of sacred worship; not that it would be objectionable, if it were properly regulated; not that it does not tend, when used in a proper manner, to health of body and mind, to grace of manners, and to social enjoyment: all these things are conceded. But it is objected to, on the same ground as horse-racing, card-playing, and theatrical entertainments; that we are to look at amusements as they are, and not as they might be. Horseraces might be so managed, as not to involve cruelty, gambling, drunkenness, and every other vice. And so might theatres and cards. And if serious and intelligent persons, undertook to patronize these, in order to regulate them, perhaps they would be somewhat raised from the depths, to which they are now sunk. But such persons, know, that, with the weak sense of moral obligation existing in the mass of society, and the imperfect ideas mankind have of the proper use of amusements, and the little self-control, which men, or women, or children, practise, these will not, in fact, be thus-regulated. And they believe dancing to be liable to the same objections.
As this recreation is actually conducted, it does not tend to produce health of body or mind, but directly the contrary. If young and old went out to dance together, in the open air, as the French peasants do, it would be a very different sort of amusement, from that which is witnessed, in a room, furnished with many lights, and filled with guests, both expending the healthful part of the atmosphere, where the young collect, in their tightest dresses, to protract, for several hours, a kind of physical exertion, which is not habitual to them. During this process, the blood is made to circulate more swiftly than ordinary, in circumstances where it is less perfectly oxygenized than health requires; the pores of the skin are excited by heat and exercise; the stomach is loaded with indigestible articles, and the quiet, needful to digestion, withheld; the diversion is protracted beyond the usual hour for repose; and then, when the skin is made the most highly susceptible to damps and miasms, the company pass from a warm room to the cold night-air. It is probable, that no single amusement can be pointed out, combining so many injurious particulars, as this, which is so often defended as a healthful one. Even if parents, who train their children to dance, can keep them from public balls, (which is seldom the case,) dancing in private parlors is subject to nearly all the same mischievous influences.
As to the claim of social benefits,—when a dancing-party occupies the parlors, and the music begins, most of the conversation ceases; while the young prepare themselves for future sickness, and the old look smilingly on.
As to the claim for ease and grace of manners,—all that is gained, by this practice, can be better secured, by Calisthenics, which, in all its parts, embraces a much more perfect system, both of healthful exercise, graceful movement, and pleasing carriage.
The writer was once inclined to the common opinion, that dancing was harmless, and might be properly regulated; and she allowed a fair trial to be made, under her auspices, by its advocates. The result was, a full conviction, that it secured no good effect, which could not be better gained another way; that it involved the most pernicious evils to health, character, and happiness; and that those parents were wise, who brought up their children with the full understanding that they were neither to learn nor to practise the art. In the fifteen years, during which she has had the care of young ladies, she has never known any case, where learning this art, and following the amusement, did not have a bad effect, either on the habits, the intellect, the feelings, or the health. Those young ladies, who are brought up with less exciting recreations, are uniformly likely to be the most contented and most useful, while those, who enter the path to which this diversion leads, acquire a relish and desire for high excitement, which make the more steady and quiet pursuits and enjoyments of home, comparatively tasteless. This, the writer believes to be generally the case, though not invariably so; for there are exceptions to all general rules.
In reference to these exciting amusements, so liable to danger and excess, parents are bound to regard the principle, which is involved in the petition, "Lead us not into temptation." Would it not be inconsistent, to teach this prayer, to the lisping tongue of childhood, and then send it to the dancing-master, to acquire a love for a diversion, which leads to constant temptations that so few find strength to resist?
It is encouraging, to those who take this view of the subject, to find how fast the most serious and intelligent portion of the community is coming to a similar result. Twenty-five years ago, dancing was universally practised by the young, as a matter of course, in every part of the Nation. Now, in those parts of the Country, where religion and intelligence are most extensively diffused, it is almost impossible to get up a ball, among the more refined classes of the community. The amusement is fast leaving this rank in society, to remain as a resource for those, whose grade of intelligence and refinement does not relish more elevated recreations. Still, as there is great diversity of opinion, among persons of equal worth and intelligence, a spirit of candor and courtesy should be practised, on both sides. The sneer at bigotry and narrowness of views, on one side, and the uncharitable implication of want of piety, or sense, on the other, are equally illbred and unchristian. Truth, on this subject, is best promoted, not by ill-natured crimination and rebuke, but by calm reason, generous candor, forbearance, and kindness.
There is another species of amusement, which a large portion of the religious world have been accustomed to put under the same condemnation as the preceding. This is novel-reading. The confusion and difference of opinion on this subject, have arisen from a want of clear and definite distinctions. Now, as it is impossible to define what are novels and what are not, so as to include one class of fictitious writings and exclude every other, it is impossible to lay down any rule respecting them. The discussion, in fact, turns on the use of those works of imagination, which belong to the class of narratives. That this species of reading, is not only lawful, but necessary and useful, is settled by Divine examples, in the parables and allegories of Scripture. Of course, the question must be, what kind of fabulous writings must be avoided, and what allowed. In deciding this, no specific rules can be given; but it must be a matter to be regulated by the nature and circumstances of each case. No works of fiction, which tend to throw the allurements of taste and genius around vice and crime, should ever be tolerated; and all that tend to give false views of life and duty, should also be banished. Of those, which are written for mere amusement, presenting scenes and events that are interesting and exciting, and having no bad moral influence, much must depend on character and circumstances. Some minds are torpid and phlegmatic, and need to have the imagination stimulated: such would be benefitted by this kind of reading. Others have quick and active imaginations, and would be as much injured. Some persons are often so engaged in absorbing interests, that any thing innocent, which will for a short time draw off the mind, is of the nature of a medicine; and, in such cases, this kind of reading is useful.
There is need, also, that some men should keep a supervision of the current literature of the day, as guardians, to warn others of danger. For this purpose, it is more suitable for editors, clergymen, and teachers, to read indiscriminately, than for any other class of persons; for they are the guardians of the public weal, in matters of literature, and should be prepared to advise parents and young persons of the evils in one direction and the good in another. In doing this, however, they are bound to go on the same principles which regulate physicians, when they visit infected districts,—using every precaution to prevent injury to themselves; having as little to do with pernicious exposures, as a benevolent regard to others will allow; and faithfully employing all the knowledge and opportunities, thus gained, for warning and preserving others. There is much danger, in taking this course, that men will seek the excitement of the imagination, for the mere pleasure it affords, under the plea of preparing to serve the public, when this is neither the aim nor the result.
In regard to the use of such works, by the young, as a general rule, they ought not to be allowed to any, except those of a dull and phlegmatic temperament, until the solid parts of education are secured, and a taste for more elevated reading is acquired. If these stimulating condiments in literature be freely used, in youth, all relish for more solid reading, will, in a majority of cases, be destroyed. If parents succeed in securing habits of cheerful and implicit obedience, it will be very easy to regulate this matter, by prohibiting the reading of any story-book, until the consent of the parent is obtained.
It is not unfrequently the case, that advocates for dancing, and the other more exciting amusements, speak as if those, who were more strict in these matters, were aiming to deprive the young of all diversions; just as if, when cards, theatres, and dancing, are cut off, nothing remains but serious and severe duties. Perhaps there has been some just ground of objection to the course often pursued by parents, in neglecting to provide agreeable and suitable substitutes, for the amusements denied; but, there is a great abundance of safe, healthful, and delightful, recreations, which all parents may secure for their children. Some of these will here be pointed out.
One of the most useful and important, is, the cultivation of flowers and fruits. This, especially for the daughters of a family, is greatly promotive of health and amusement. It is with the hope, that many young ladies, whose habits are now so formed, that they can never be induced to a course of active domestic exercise, so long as their parents are able to hire domestics, may yet be led to an employment, which will tend to secure health and vigor of constitution, that so much space is given, in this work, to directions for the cultivation of fruits and flowers. It would be a most desirable improvement, if all female schools could be furnished with suitable grounds, and instruments, for the cultivation of fruits and flowers, and every inducement offered, to engage the young ladies in this pursuit. No father, who wishes to have his daughters grow up to be healthful women, can take a surer method to secure this end. Let him set apart a portion of his yard and garden, for fruits and flowers, and see that the soil is well prepared and dug over, and all the rest may be committed to the care of the children. These would need to be provided with a light hoe and rake, a dibble, or garden trowel, a watering-pot, and means and opportunities for securing seeds, roots, buds, and grafts, all which might be done at a trifling expense. Then, with proper encouragement, and by the aid of such directions as are contained in this work, every man, who has even half an acre, could secure a small Eden around his premises.
In pursuing this amusement, children can also be led to acquire many useful habits. Early rising would, in many cases, be thus secured; and if they were required to keep their walks and borders free from weeds and rubbish, habits of order and neatness would be induced. Benevolent and social feelings could also be cultivated, by influencing children to share their fruits and flowers with friends and neighbors, as well as to distribute roots and seeds to those, who have not the means of procuring them. A woman or a child, by giving seeds, or slips, or roots, to a washerwoman, or a farmer's boy, thus exciting them to love and cultivate fruits and flowers, awakens a new and refining source of enjoyment in minds, which have few resources more elevated than mere physical enjoyments. Our Saviour directs, in making feasts, to call, not the rich, who can recompense again, but the poor, who can make no returns. So children should be taught to dispense their little treasures, not alone to companions and friends, who will probably return similar favors; but to those who have no means of making any return. If the rich, who acquire a love for the enjoyments of taste, and have the means to gratify it, would aim to extend, among the poor, the cheap and simple enjoyment of fruits and flowers, our Country would soon literally "blossom as the rose."
If the ladies of a neighborhood would unite small contributions, and send a list of flower-seeds and roots to some respectable and honest florist, who would not be likely to turn them off with trash, they could divide these among themselves, so as to secure an abundant variety, at a very small expense. A bag of flower-seeds, which can be obtained, at wholesale, for four cents, would abundantly supply a whole neighborhood; and, by the gathering of seeds, in the Autumn, could be perpetuated.
Another very elevating and delightful recreation, for the young, is found in music. Here, the writer would protest against the common practice, in many families, of having the daughters learn to play on the piano, whether they have a taste and an ear for music, or not. A young lady, who cannot sing, and has no great fondness for music, does nothing but waste time, money, and patience, in learning to play on the piano. But all children can be taught to sing, in early childhood, if the scientific mode of teaching music, in schools, could be introduced, as it is in Prussia, Germany, and Switzerland. Then, young children could read and sing music, as easily as they can read language; and might take any tune, dividing themselves into bands, and sing off, at sight, the endless variety of music which is prepared. And if parents of wealth would take pains to have teachers qualified for the purpose, as they may be at the Boston Academy, and other similar institutions, who should teach all the young children in the community, much would be done for the happiness and elevation of the rising generation. This is an amusement, which children relish, in the highest degree; and which they can enjoy, at home, in the fields, and in visits abroad.
Another domestic amusement, is, the collecting of shells, plants, and specimens in geology and mineralogy, for the formation of cabinets. If intelligent parents would procure the simpler works which have been prepared for the young, and study them, with their children, a taste for such recreations would soon be developed. The writer has seen young boys, of eight and ten years of age, gathering and cleaning shells from rivers, and collecting plants, and mineralogical specimens, with a delight, bordering on ecstasy; and there are few, if any, who, by proper influences, would not find this a source of ceaseless delight and improvement.
Another resource, for family diversion, is to be found in the various games played by children, and in which the joining of older members of the family is always a great advantage to both parties. All medical men unite, in declaring that nothing is more beneficial to health, than hearty laughter; and surely our benevolent Creator would not have provided risibles, and made it a source of health and enjoyment to use them, if it were a sin so to do. There has been a tendency to asceticism, on this subject, which needs to be removed. Such commands, as forbid foolish laughing and jesting, "which are not convenient;" and which forbid all idle words, and vain conversation, cannot apply to any thing, except what is foolish, vain, and useless. But jokes, laughter, and sports, when used in such a degree as tends only to promote health, social feelings, and happiness, are neither vain, foolish, nor "not convenient." It is the excess of these things, and not the moderate use of them, which Scripture forbids. The prevailing temper of the mind, should be cheerful, yet serious; but there are times, when relaxation and laughter are proper for all. There is nothing better for this end, than that parents and older persons should join in the sports of childhood. Mature minds can always make such diversions more entertaining to children, and can exert a healthful moral influence over their minds; and, at the same time, can gain exercise and amusement for themselves. How lamentable, that so many fathers, who could be thus useful and happy with their children, throw away such opportunities, and wear out soul and body, in the pursuit of gain or fame!
Another resource for children, is in the exercise of mechanical skill. Fathers, by providing tools for their boys, and showing them how to make wheelbarrows, carts, sleds, and various other articles, contribute both to the physical, moral, and social, improvement of their children. And in regard to little daughters, much more can be done, in this way, than many would imagine. The writer, blessed with the example of a most ingenious and industrious mother, had not only learned, before the age of twelve, to make dolls, of various sorts and sizes, but to cut and fit and sew every article, that belongs to a doll's wardrobe. This, which was done for mere amusement, secured such a facility in mechanical pursuits, that, ever afterward, the cutting and fitting of any article of dress, for either sex, was accomplished with entire ease.
When a little girl first begins to sew, her mother can promise her a small bed and pillows, as soon as she has sewed a patch quilt for them; and then a bedstead, as soon as she has sewed the sheets and cases for pillows; and then a large doll to dress, as soon as she has made the under garments; and thus go on, till the whole contents of the baby-house are earned by the needle and skill of its little owner. Thus, the task of learning to sew, will become a pleasure; and every new toy will be earned by useful exertion. A little girl can be taught, by the aid of patterns prepared for the purpose, to cut and fit all articles necessary for her doll. She can also be provided with a little wash-tub, and irons, to wash and iron, and thus keep in proper order a complete miniature domestic establishment.
Besides these recreations, there are the enjoyments secured in walking, riding, visiting, and many others which need not be recounted. Children, if trained to be healthful and industrious, will never fail to discover resources of amusement; while their guardians should lend their aid to guide and restrain them from excess.
There is need of a very great change of opinion and practice, in this Nation, in regard to the subject of social and domestic duties. Many sensible and conscientious men, spend all their time, abroad, in business, except, perhaps, an hour or so at night, when they are so fatigued, as to be unfitted for any social or intellectual enjoyment. And some of the most conscientious men in the Country, will add, to their professional business, public or benevolent enterprises, which demand time, effort, and money; and then excuse themselves for neglecting all care of their children, and efforts for their own intellectual improvement, or for the improvement of their families, by the plea, that they have no time for it. All this, arises from the want of correct notions of the binding obligation of our social and domestic duties. The main object of life, is not to secure the various gratifications of appetite or taste, but to form such a character, for ourselves and others, as will secure the greatest amount of present and future happiness. It is of far more consequence, then, that parents should be intelligent, social, affectionate, and agreeable, at home, and to their friends, than that they should earn money enough to live in a large house, and have handsome furniture. It is far more needful, for children, that a father should attend to the formation of their character and habits, and aid in developing their social, intellectual, and moral nature, than it is, that he should earn money to furnish them with handsome clothes, and a variety of tempting food.
It will be wise for those parents, who find little time to attend to their children, or to seek amusement and enjoyment in the domestic and social circle, because their time is so much occupied with public cares or benevolent objects, to inquire, whether their first duty is not to train up their own families, to be useful members of society. A man, who neglects the mind and morals of his children, to take care of the public, is in great danger of coming under a similar condemnation, to that of him, who, neglecting to provide for his own household, has "denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."
There are husbands and fathers, who conscientiously subtract time from their business, to spend at home, in reading with their wives and children, and in domestic amusements which at once refresh and improve. The children of such parents will grow up with a love of home and kindred, which will be the greatest safeguard against future temptations, as well as the purest source of earthly enjoyment.
There are families, also, who make it a definite object to keep up family attachments, after the children are scattered abroad; and, in some cases, secure the means for doing this, by saving money, which would otherwise have been spent for superfluities of food or dress. Some families have adopted, for this end, a practice, which if widely imitated, would be productive of extensive benefit. The method is this. On the first day of each month, some member of the family, at each extreme point of dispersion, takes a folio sheet, and fills a part of a page. This is sealed and mailed to the next family, who read it, add another contribution, and then mail it to the next. Thus the family circular, once a month, goes from each extreme, to all the members of a widely-dispersed family, and each member becomes a sharer in the joys, sorrows, plans, and pursuits, of all the rest. At the same time, frequent family meetings are sought; and the expense, thus incurred, is cheerfully met by retrenchments in other directions. The sacrifice of some unnecessary physical indulgence, (such, for instance, as the use of tea and coffee,) will often purchase many social and domestic enjoyments, a thousand times more elevating and delightful, than the retrenched luxury.
There is no social duty, which the Supreme Lawgiver more strenuously urges, than hospitality and kindness to strangers, who are classed with the widow and the fatherless, as the special objects of Divine tenderness. There are some reasons, why this duty peculiarly demands attention from the American people.
Reverses of fortune, in this land, are so frequent and unexpected, and the habits of the people are so migratory, that there are very many in every part of the Country, who, having seen all their temporal plans and hopes crushed, are now pining among strangers, bereft of wonted comforts, without friends, and without the sympathy and society, so needful to wounded spirits. Such, too frequently, sojourn long and lonely, with no comforter but Him who "knoweth the heart of a stranger."
Whenever, therefore, new comers enter a community, inquiry should immediately be made, whether they have friends and associates, to render sympathy and kind attentions; and, when there is any need for it, the ministries of kind neighborhood should immediately be offered. And it should be remembered, that the first days of a stranger's sojourn, are the most dreary, and that civility and kindness are doubled in value, by being offered at an early period.
In social gatherings, the claims of the stranger are too apt to be forgotten; especially, in cases where there are no peculiar attractions of personal appearance, or talents, or high standing. Such a one should be treated with attention, because he is a stranger; and when communities learn to act more from principle, and less from selfish impulse, on this subject, the sacred claims of the stranger will be less frequently forgotten.
The most agreeable hospitality, to visiters, who become inmates of a family, is, that which puts them entirely at ease. This can never be the case, where the guest perceives that the order of family arrangements is essentially altered, and that time, comfort, and convenience are sacrificed, for his accommodation.
Offering the best to visiters, showing a polite regard to every wish expressed, and giving precedence to them, in all matters of comfort and convenience, can be easily combined with the easy freedom which makes the stranger feel at home; and this is the perfection of hospitable entertainment.
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