I LOVE Kevin Kelly. One of his core beliefs is that "Over the long term, the future is decided by optimists."
In the present world of doom and gloom and the never-ending stream of X influencers, Kevin offers a well-thought-out philosophy he laid out in his book Excellent Advice For Living: Wisdom I Wish I Knew Earlier.
I categorised 44 of his quotes into 7 different areas of your life:
- Wisdom for life
- Creating better relationships
- Making wiser decisions
- The concept of time
- How to master oneself
- How to gain inner peace
- How to achieve excellence
LIFE
Your passions should fit you exactly, but your purpose in life should exceed you. Work for something much larger than yourself.
Lesson - fulfillment is found in working towards something that extends beyond personal satisfaction.
You owe everyone a second chance, but not a third.
Lesson - forgiveness is good, but boundaries are necessary.
Whenever you have a choice between being right or being kind, be kind. No exceptions. Don't confuse kindness with weakness.
Lesson - prioritize empathy and compassion over ego.
Everyone is shy. Other people are waiting for you to introduce yourself to them; they are waiting for you to send them an email; they are waiting for you to ask them on a date. Go ahead.
Lesson - everyone else is waiting for you to make the first move.
Don't be afraid to ask a question that may sound stupid, because 99% of the time everyone else is thinking of the same question and is too embarrassed to ask it.
Lesson - don't save face - be curious.
The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.
Lesson - don't get sidetracked by distractions or unnecessary details.
Don't bother asking a barber if you need a haircut. Pay attention to incentives.
Lesson - people's recommendations are always influenced by their own interests.
Before you are old, attend as many funerals as you can bear and listen. Nobody talks about the departed's achievements. The only thing people will remember is what kind of person you were while you were achieving.
Lesson - people don't remember what you did; they remember how you made them feel.
Relationship with others
Be strict with yourself, and forgiving of others. The reverse is hell for everyone.
Lesson - have high standards for yourself and be lenient towards others.
Life gets better as you replace transactions with relationships.
Lesson - life improves when we truly connect.
Listening well is a superpower. While listening to someone you love, keep asking them, "Is there more?" until there is no more.
Lesson - probing, and curiosity over assuming you know what the other person means.
Compliment people behind their backs. It'll come back to you.
Lesson - how you speak of others shows more about you.
Don't aim to have others like you; aim to have them respect you.
Lesson - being likable means appealing to everyone. Being respected requires being true to yourself and standing up for it.
Train employees well enough that they could get another job, but treat them well enough that they never want to.
Lesson - give, and you'll be reciprocated.
Don't reserve your kindest praise for a person until their eulogy. Tell them while they are alive, when it makes a difference to them, Write it in a letter they can keep.
Lesson - people regret things they didn't say - say them.
How to apologize: quickly, specifically, sincerely. Don't ruin an apology with an excuse.
Lesson - an apology is for deepening the relationship not finding faults.
Friends are better than money. Almost anything money can do friends can do better. In so many ways, a friend with a boat is better than owning a boat.
Lesson - some things money can't buy.
Decision-making
Fear makes people do stupid things, so don't trust anything made in fear.
Lesson - don't place trust in fear.
If the cost of something is not advertised, it is a sign that it's more than you can afford.
Lesson - when the cost of something is not disclosed, it's most likely beyond your budget.
Whenever you can't decide which path to take, pick the one that produces change.
Lesson - choose risk over comfort.
The best way to get to yes in a negotiation is to truly understand what yes means for the other party.
Lesson - develop a skill of tactical empathy.
Shorten your to-do list by asking yourself, 'What is the worst that will happen if this does not get done?' Eliminate all but the disasters.
Lesson - prioritize based on the severity of potential outcomes.
In all things except love - start with the exit strategy. Prepare for the ending. Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
Lesson - it's easier to get into something than to extricate yourself from it.
The trick to making wise decisions is to evaluate your choices as if you were looking back 25 years from today. What would your future self think?
Lesson - consider the long-term implications of your decisions.
Time
You don't need more time because you already have all the time that you will ever get; you need more focus.
Lesson - time is a finite resource. Focus is the knife that cuts through BS.
Most overnight successes - in fact, any significant successes - take at least 5 years. Budget your life accordingly.
Lesson - hope for the best, plan for the long-term.
If you are not embarrassed by your past self, you have probably not grown up yet.
Lesson - maturity often involves changes in perspective.
Self
The foundation of maturity: Just because it's not your fault doesn't mean it's not your responsibility.
Lesson - taking responsibility is the root of maturity.
A great way to understand yourself is to seriously reflect on everything you find irritating in others.
Lesson - introspection is a tool for self-understanding.
Acquiring things will rarely bring you deep satisfaction. But acquiring experiences will.
Lesson - focus on fulfillment over appearances.
In 100 years a lot of what we take to be true now will be proved to be wrong, maybe even embarrassingly wrong. A good question to ask yourself today is, What might I be wrong about? This is the only worry worth having.
Lesson - wisdom is being open for change.
To cultivate a habit switch your language from 'I can or can't do! to 'I do or don't do." You shift the weight from a wavering choice to an unwavering identity.
Lesson - frame choices as part of your identity.
You are what you do. Not what you say, not what you believe, not how you vote, but what you spend your time on.
Lesson - how you spend your time is a reflection of who you are.
Inner peace
Forgiveness is accepting the apology you will never get.
Lesson - letting go of resentment can bring closure and peace.
You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.
Lesson - choose your battles wisely.
Constantly asking yourself "what-if?" about your past is a waste of time; asking "what-if?" about your future is tremendously useful.
Lesson - same question, different outcome. Develop a forward-looking mindset, focusing on opportunities rather than regrets.
Your best response to an insult is 'You're probably right.' Often they are.
Lesson - notice the possibility of truth even in insults.
Excellence
Don’t be the best. Be the only.
Lesson - transcend the pursuit of being the best and aim to be unique.
A multitude of bad ideas is required to produce one good idea.
Lesson - don't be afraid to persevere and experiment.
If you are the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room. Hang out with, and learn from, people smarter than yourself. Even better, find smart people who will disagree with you.
Lesson - value diverse perspectives to achieve personal growth.
If you ask for someone's feedback you'll get a critic. But if instead you ask for advice, you'll get a partner.
Lesson - how you frame your requests shapes the answers you receive.
When crises strike, don't waste them. No problems, no progress.
Lesson - crises can be opportunities for growth and progress.
Admitting that "I don't know" at least once a day will make you a better person.
Lesson - admitting a lack of knowledge is a virtue.
Finite games are played to win or lose. Infinite games are played to keep the game going. Seek out infinite games because they yield unlimited rewards.
Lesson - engage in endeavors that promote continuous growth over mere competition. Focus on lasting rewards.
Remember
Everything in life is your responsibility (response-ability) if you're willing to play the game.
Developing mastery is not about being perfect but striving to be better every day.
Better living is about self-introspection and focusing on the power you have to change.
Also published here.