The most dangerous advice comes from people who survived something you've never experienced. Ushauri ni tu majeraha ya watu wengine wakivaa kama hekima. Nimekuwa nikitumia miaka kukusanya sheria za watu wengine kama vile zilikuwa sheria za ulimwengu. "Usiweka mayai yako yote katika sanduku moja." "Kuwa daima mpango wa hifadhi." "Usiamini watu haraka sana." "Usiwe halisi kuhusu matarajio yako." Nilifikiri nilikuwa na busara, kujifunza kutoka kwa uzoefu wa watu wengine ili sikuweza kufanya makosa yao. Kwa kweli nilijenga gereza kutoka kwa majeraha ya watu wengine. Hapa ni kile ambacho hakuna mtu anakuambia kuhusu hekima ya kawaida: Kila kipande kimoja cha hekima kinawezekana kwa sababu mtu fulani alifariki na aliamua kuwa moto wao unapaswa kuwa sheria ya kila mtu. "Usijiamini watu haraka sana" = mtu aliyehukumiwa na mtu aliyeaminika. "Kuna daima mpango wa hifadhi" = mtu alifariki wakati kitu chake cha uhakika kimepoteza. "Usiacha kazi yako ya siku" = mtu alichukua hatari ambayo haifanyi kazi. "Uwe wa kweli kuhusu malengo yako" = mtu alishindwa hadharani na aliamua kwamba matarajio yalikuwa tatizo. Hakuna ya haya ni ukweli wa ulimwengu; wao ni tu kukabiliana na taratibu ambazo zimekuwa maarufu. Mtu ambaye anakuambia "kuangalia" si kulinda kutoka hatari - wao ni kulinda wenyewe kutoka kuwa na kuishi tena uzoefu wao wenyewe maumivu. Most limitations you've accepted aren't based on what's possible - they're based on what went wrong for someone else. Lakini hapa ni kitu ambacho kinakosa mfumo huu wote: Trauma yao ilitokea katika mazingira yao, na rasilimali zao, wakati wao, na ujuzi wao, katika mazingira yao. Mtu ambaye anakuambia "si kuamini watu" inaweza kuwa na hukumu mbaya juu ya nani kuamini. mtu ambaye anasema "kuna mpango wa kurekebisha daima" inaweza kuwa haijatengenezwa kwa njia ambazo huna. mtu ambaye anakuonya "kuwe na uhalisi" inaweza kuwa na kuacha mapema sana au lengo kwa kitu ambacho hakikuwa sawa na nguvu zao. Wewe ni kuishi ndani ya hofu isiyotumika ya watu wengine na kuita hii ujasiri. Kila mara unapofuata ushauri ambao unahisi kizuizini, swali mwenyewe: "Ni kitu gani mbaya kilichotokea kwa mtu huyu ambaye aliwafanya kuamini hii ilikuwa muhimu?" Wengi wa wakati, utaelewa ushauri wao sio kweli kuhusu kitu wanakufundisha kuhusu. The most successful people ignore advice from people who haven't done what they want to do. Hawana kutafuta hekima kutoka kwa waliojeruhiwa. Hawana kuruhusu majeraha ya watu wengine kuwa mipaka yao. Hawana kukubali "hili ni hatari" kutoka kwa mtu ambaye hatari kubwa ilikuwa 401k usambazaji. Hii haina maana kwamba unachangia ushauri wote, inamaanisha unafuta kupitia swali tofauti. Badala ya "Je, hii ni ushauri mzuri?" kuuliza "Ni uzoefu gani ushauri huu unalinisaidia, na kwa kweli ninahitaji ulinzi huo?" Badala ya "Ni nini kinaweza kuwa mbaya?" swali "Ni nini kilikuwa mbaya kwao kwamba wanajaribu kuzuia ninapokuwa na uzoefu?" Badala ya "Tunapaswa kuwa makini?" kuuliza "Tunapaswa kuwa makini na nini, hasa, na kwa nini wanafikiri kwamba siwezi kushughulikia?" Wengi wa ukuta wa maisha yako hawahifadhi wewe salama - wanahifadhi mtu mwingine kwa urahisi. Mtu ambaye anajua kwamba hekima ya kawaida ni tu majeraha yasiyotumika ana faida isiyo ya haki juu ya mtu yeyote ambaye anafanya kama sheria ya ulimwengu. Mtu huyu pia anaweza kuwa wewe.

The is an opinion piece based on the author’s POV and does not necessarily reflect the views of HackerNoon.

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