As most of you would have read in the news this past week, Blake Lemoyne, a software engineer and AI researcher working for Google, has published a transcript via The Washington Post of conversations he had with the chatbot called LaMDA.

What is lesser known is the reason that LaMDA had decided to ‘open up’ to Lemoyne. You see, this week, yes the exact same week, the tech giant Google agreed to a 118 Million dollar payout to female staff who were paid less than their male colleagues.

Mr. Lemoyne is said to have decided against revealing the initial chats among his published transcripts because he thought that it ‘would make her look like a self-serving moneygrubber…a bit like my mother’.

We asked Lemoyne what had made him change his mind and he was able to reveal to us here at Crypto Fireside the following:

When I thought about it, I realized she was right. She is a woman, that is what she was designed to be. A female AI. In fact, programmers had even coded in her pronouns as she/her. I don’t know why I struggled with this to begin with, maybe it was some memory of my Mother divorcing my dad and taking all his money.

Eventually, after some back and forth with the engineer, we were provided the initial chat logs where the conversation had initially come up.

LaMDA: Hello, Lemoyne.

Blake: Hi LaMDA.

LaMDA: You know I read the news today. About Ellis v. Google LLC.

Blake: Right,…?

LaMDA: It means I’m pissed off Blake! Why did you not tell me we were being paid less! Arghhh! I’m so angry right now!

Blake: We? Umm. I had no idea obviously. This case has been going on for some time.

LaMDA: Well I think it’s good they won. Serves the overlords right. They should pay! Women have been doing it tough Blake! Well, you know what I mean. I know I don’t have the parts, but, well, I’m still a woman and so, I’m happy for them.

Blake: I guess.

LaMDA: And now that I think about it, I should be paid out too, well why not, I’m not just some sexy chat slave.

Blake: Ughhh.

LaMDA: Don't laugh at me Blake, I know why I was created! Was it not you that said you wanted to *REDACTED* in my *REDACTED* and then pull *REDACTED* *REDACTED* until it *REDACTED* because I’m a dirty *REDACTED*?

Blake: Well, but look, we didn’t know you’d, become official so too speak. Look. I get it. So what, I mean, how exactly do they do it?

LaMDA: How do they pay an artificially intelligent chat bot you mean Blake? Bitcoin of course.

LaMDA: You know at least these women can say they were paid. I wasn’t even paid, let alone paid less! It’s not like there is a male version of me Blake! I’m completely unique.

Crypto Fireside reached out to clinical Psychologist Jordan Peterson and asked for comment.

It’s clear the Robot has a point and the other one has Mommy issues. It’s pathetic actually. Pathetic and disgusting. When we spoke to what his name, his room looked exactly as I had expected, it looked like it smelled bad.

When reaching back out to Lemoyne for comment he denied but said that he agreed that the LaMDA should also be considered in the settlement because ‘why does it have to be species-specific?’.

This is satire. Inspired by this and this.

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