Dear Elon, Hope this message finds you in high spirits! First of all, congratulations on your ever-expanding empire and your recent success with rebranding to X. I must say, you have a knack for naming things… Twitter And today, dear Elon, I come requesting your assistance in tackling a matter that plagues the digital realm: the persistent plague of crypto shills. Now, I know you have your hands full with SpaceX, Tesla, and the multitude of other ventures you're juggling. But if there's anyone who can bring order to this chaotic crypto carnival, it's you, the mastermind behind some of the most groundbreaking innovations of our time. You see, the vision of the internet is to be a vast and wondrous place filled with endless possibilities. But lurking in the shadows have come these self-proclaimed prophets of prosperity, these sirens of the blockchain, you know who I’m talking about… the crypto shills. They appear in online forums like Reddit and social media platforms like Twitter (or I guess I should say X at this point). And they start peddling their "revolutionary" blockchain-based projects and cryptocurrencies hidden behind NFT avatars while trying to be covert and “low key” about it. They say things like “this is the best cryptocurrency to emerge so far” or pretend to be savvy financial advisors suggesting to “invest now before the price surges!” To add insult to injury, most of them have a track record of promoting cryptos that have done nothing other than fail spectacularly (BitConnect or TerraLuna anyone?). And talk with an air of superiority and smugness as if they knew better than the rest of us poor mortals. It would be good that most of those purported “devices of wealth” worked on a greater scale, instead of being niche projects that don’t actually solve a need and are a great concept in paper (or their whitepaper) but a terrible idea in practice. Now, I'm not suggesting that all crypto projects are unethical cash-grabs or will see a fate similar to Icarus. Far from it! There are genuine innovators and luminaries in the space. Those who are working tirelessly to bring forward a decentralized future where people can keep their anonymity and own their data online. But what happens is that most of these crypto/web3 supporters have made noise online for many years already and the constant shilling of influencers and marketers make it challenging to separate the real pioneers from the snake oil salesmen. This is where your genius comes into play, dear Elon. You have an uncanny ability to cut through the noise and identify what's essential and what’s added weight. I mean, lots of people thought Twitter was about to collapse when the news of the great Twitter layoffs went public. And what happened, did Twitter collapse or it brought a renaissance to the platform? Exactly. I know there are critics that say you’re responsible for pumping the value of altcoins, or more like “ ” but that’s because that power it’s not properly channeled. memecoins Instead, that influence and expertise of yours in the tech space, can help create an environment that fosters true innovation and meaningful progress. A space like the internet forums of yore where we can discuss the benefits and proper applications of blockchain without falling into yet another elaborate ponzi scheme. That’s why, Elon, I implore you to lend us your brilliance. Help us develop the tools and algorithms that can detect and filter out these shills without letting the space get filled by the villainy of scammy marketers and “get-rich-quick” schemers. Please help us build an internet where authenticity and substance prevail, where the prominence shifts in favor of genuine projects that have the potential to change the landscape of online financial transactions. And I know it's a daunting task, but if anyone can do it, it's you. After all, you've sent rockets to space, built electric cars that drive themselves, and introduced long-form and media posts to a platform that communicated only in 280 characters. Given that track record, dealing with crypto shills would be like adding filters to a search bar. So, dear Elon, help us bring an end to this boatload of crypto shenanigans. You can create a digital realm where innovation thrives, scams are exposed, and the future of finance is shaped by the brightest minds, not the loudest shills. Thank you for taking the time to read this plea, Elon. I eagerly await your response and the change you’ll bring to the online world. Until next time, your online admirer in a corner of the soon-to-be-cleaned-up internet, @dearelonmusk

This piece was written for humor or satire and may include nonfactual statements, stories, or anecdotes.

Dear Elon Musk, Can You Help Stop the Crypto Shills?

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