LOS ANGELES, Ca. — Employees of music streaming startup ‘Lstn’ collectively soiled themselves on Friday, November 4th at 4:00PM when one of their top angel investors popped in for a ‘surprise’ visit. “We were totally caught off guard.” says Front-End Developer Matt Hoffman. “We already started our Friday wind-down ritual of shotgunning beers and playing with our new VR system when all of a sudden, some old guy in faded jeans and a $200 sweatshirt from Top Shop walks in and says, ‘Sup’.”
Most employees ignored the inquisitive 49 year-old in faded Kanye West jeans upon his arrival. “We just assumed he mistook our office for a new gym, or frozen yogurt spot.” said Project Manager Tim Dawson. “That happens at least once a week, actually.” It wasn’t until the angel investor, Chaz Banks, cleared his voice authoritatively and demanded to see CEO & Founder of Lstn, Martin Shay that things took a turn for the worse.
Unbeknownst to Mr. Banks, Mr. Shay had left earlier that morning for his semi-annual peyote retreat in Big Sur and was unreachable by phone, text or email. “Not because the phone was off,” clarified Back-End Developer Arden Mills, “because he was tripping balls.”
Unfortunately for the remaining eight employees at Lstn that Friday afternoon, the snazzily dressed angel investor wasn’t going anywhere until he gave someone a firm talking to.
“He kept furrowing his brow and shaking his head.” said graphic designer Ryan Wells. “He watched us play video games for, like, four whole minutes then unplugged our HTC Vive and corralled us all into the one conference room.” Mr. Banks proceeded to dedicate the next three hours to lecturing the entire staff on the meaning of hard work, perseverance and “not messing around”. Sources confirm that the investor questioned the staff on everything from KPIs, to ARR to unnecessary spending while gesturing to an entire fridge full of gourmet cold brew coffee.
“We all had plans to go out after work and stuff,” began Music Curator Devin Smith. “But he totally killed our vibes.”
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